Sharp Pinching Sensation and a Prayer

Today I was laying in bed on my left side, with my typical pillow between my knees. This is how I sleep most of the time, or on my back. Anyway, I've been straitening out my left leg (the one under the pillow) for a while now. So basically, my right leg (on top of the pillow) is the only one in the fetal position. It's a nice change of pace and hasn't been painful in any way at all...until this morning that is.

I'm not sure what the deal was. Interestingly, it all started when I had to get up 3 times to pee last night. And by pee, I don't mean dribble, dribble. Nope, I had to go. So it wasn't like a prostate thing, like you see on the TV commercials. Rather, it was as if someone had slipped me a diuretic before bedtime; I had to go and go badly.

Finally, around 6:15 am, I woke up and turned to my side to sleep as I described above, left leg straight, right leg in the fetal position. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I had this pinching, almost burning pain in my right testicle, on the back side. This is where your epididymous is located. I felt down there and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I hadn't smashed my testicle or anything like that. There was plenty of room for maneuvering down there. So I straightened out my right leg and the pain disappeared.

I reconnoitered and brought my right leg up again, and sure enough, the pinching pain returned. I repeated this about 5 times, with the same result. With every fetal curl, my right testicle would feel like someone was burying a needle into it, about an inch deep. I tried to just toughen it out, but eventually had to relent, too much pain.

I rolled back over to my back and laid there. No snoozing for me this morning. I stayed awake the remainder of the morning until I got up. I noticed I was a little sore down there during breakfast, so I took 1 Tylenol, just in case it wouldn't go away.

It's pain like that which causes my anxiety level to increase. Random pains down there which seem positional in nature, make me think that anatomically, something is not quite right post vasectomy reversal. I really wish I had a video tape of my reversal.

But more likely, there is probably just some scar tissue down there that is rubbing against something or pinching something it shouldn't. When I think about this, I start to get fanciful ideas about having another surgery to "clean up" the area, kind of like when an athlete gets their knee cleaned out. But I don't dare have another surgery down there, if I can help it.

This is the roller coaster thinking you do when you have PVPS. Your mind play out numerous scenarios back and forth with a slew of "would of", "could of", and "should of" 's. Very tiring thinking and frustrating.

I'm reading a book about Mother Theresa. She talks about trusting in God for all things and then expecting him to come through in the clutch. I think that's where I struggle, the "expecting him to come through" part. But I think this is part of the master's plan for my spiritual growth. Or rather, not part of his initial plan, but since it's happened, he'll use it to that end.

So I guess it's back to just trusting God through all of this. Not letting myself get on that emotional roller coaster.

"Lord, please help me to trust in you. To expect that you'll help me. To absolutely count on it. You've done it before, with my marriage, my family, my career, etc. So why should I expect anything to change. You are the creator of the universe and you can do all things. Help me to trust you and to give it all to you. Not leaning on my own strength and understanding, but yours and yours alone. Speak to me with that still, small, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. Lead me through this and whatever else you know lies in my path. May you receive the glory and honor forever and ever. In Jesus name, amen."   

Taking Tylenol Just In Case

Last night I woke up in a hot sweat and had to go to the bathroom. I opened up the windows and went back to bed. I woke up again needing to go to the bathroom again and I was cold, so I shut the windows. I'm not sleeping very good since we've moved to the pacific NW. Not sure why. My bed doesn't feel comfortable and I am having difficulty voiding urine completely or at least, I'm having to pee a lot throughout the day. But again, my wife and I haven't really been together a lot either, so maybe it's just a large prostate kind of thing.

I didn't have any pain per se' today, although the fullness or congestion feeling was present (on the right side). I took some tylenol just to stay ahead of any pain I might have experienced. It must have worked, because here it is, 10 P.M. and I haven't had any pain, just the full feeling is all.

Tomorrow is church. They have much more comfortable chairs than our last church in Texas. So I can tolerate sitting there better. I won't take any tylenol in the morning - to see how things go. If I need it though, I've learned not to be proud or suffer in pain. Just take the medicine if needed. Taking it only once a day shouldn't pose that big of a problem anyway. We'll see how it goes. Well I hope, Lord willing.

Last Day of Rapaflo

I took my last rapaflo pill last night. Here are my impressions so far.

- my nerve pain was still present, although, not as frequent
- it made me a little lightheaded and may have had slight impact on my heart disease
- semen almost became non-existent (weird side effect)
- was able to have greater activity

I just don't know if it was the rapaflo or the fact that more time had passed since my surgery. I'll be curious to see what happens in these next couple of days without the rapaflo. I'm also curious about my hormone levels. I should know my test results in a couple of weeks.

Last night my wife and I got together. I don't feel any better or worse as a result. No next day pain on my left side, like I would normally have with an E.J. My right side didn't feel very "congested" before and it doesn't afterwards. So, overall, I'm encouraged by this.

Also, I woke up to pee last night. That is the first time since I've been on the rapaflo that I've woken up to urinate at night. Then I had to go again at 7:00, then at 8:30. I don't think I drank all that much last night and everytime I went to the bathroom, a lot came out. It wasn't like I had trouble emptying or anything.

Another thing, I have noticed a new pain on my right side, at the location of the surgery. It feels like something is getting tangled up in my scrotum, at the reversal site, and it's causing a racking sensation. To make it go away, I just stand up. I had that sensation about 3 weeks ago for the first time and then again just a few minutes ago, while I was sitting down, helping my daughter with her spelling words.

Yet another weird pain associated with scrotal surgery. You know, before I had my vasectomy, I had this real fear about it. Inside, I didn't want to have it done. But I let my pride get in the way of this fear. I eventually talked myself into it for the greater good (read my vasectomy story to find out what that is). I've learned to stick to my gut on these things. It seems to be right most of the time.

Waking up at Night

Something weird has been happening the last couple of months. I'm not sure if it's related to my reversal surgery or my cardiomyopathy. I'm waking up at night having to urinate. I've never had to do this before. I remember my heart doctor asking if I would do this, to which I always answered "no".

This has me wondering what the deal is. Something else that has happened since my vasectomy almost 6 years ago is that when I do urinate, it's nothing like when I was in my twenties or early thirties. There is a lot of dribbling involved and I would have difficulty emptying my bladder completely.

My uro gave me some "rapidflo" meds which is supposed to help, if it's uro related. He thinks my anatomy is such that something or other sits lower in my pelvis and is therefore making me have these problems. I took a Rapidflo pill last night and woke up at 2:00 am having to pee like a race horse. I had to go again at 6:50 am.

I'll try these pills for a couple of weeks and see if that helps, but I'm a little concerned about my heart. It's been eight months since I've been able to exercise. I hope this dreaded PVPS hasn't hurt it further. I need to find some kind of consistant aerobic exercise that won't hurt my scrotum. If I walk too fast, my groin and scrotum hurt. But I can't think of anything else to do. I know I'm not supposed to ride a bike. I don't have access to a pool. I'm not sure what that leaves.

As far as pain goes, I had an  "e-jac" (code for you know what) yesterday evening. The sensation on my right side went away, but my left side became very achey afterwards. Not sure what the deal is. This morning though, I have a little twinge sensation in both my right and left inguinal area, but nothing I would consider painful. I hope this is as bad as I will feel today.