Sharp Pinching Sensation and a Prayer

Today I was laying in bed on my left side, with my typical pillow between my knees. This is how I sleep most of the time, or on my back. Anyway, I've been straitening out my left leg (the one under the pillow) for a while now. So basically, my right leg (on top of the pillow) is the only one in the fetal position. It's a nice change of pace and hasn't been painful in any way at all...until this morning that is.

I'm not sure what the deal was. Interestingly, it all started when I had to get up 3 times to pee last night. And by pee, I don't mean dribble, dribble. Nope, I had to go. So it wasn't like a prostate thing, like you see on the TV commercials. Rather, it was as if someone had slipped me a diuretic before bedtime; I had to go and go badly.

Finally, around 6:15 am, I woke up and turned to my side to sleep as I described above, left leg straight, right leg in the fetal position. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I had this pinching, almost burning pain in my right testicle, on the back side. This is where your epididymous is located. I felt down there and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I hadn't smashed my testicle or anything like that. There was plenty of room for maneuvering down there. So I straightened out my right leg and the pain disappeared.

I reconnoitered and brought my right leg up again, and sure enough, the pinching pain returned. I repeated this about 5 times, with the same result. With every fetal curl, my right testicle would feel like someone was burying a needle into it, about an inch deep. I tried to just toughen it out, but eventually had to relent, too much pain.

I rolled back over to my back and laid there. No snoozing for me this morning. I stayed awake the remainder of the morning until I got up. I noticed I was a little sore down there during breakfast, so I took 1 Tylenol, just in case it wouldn't go away.

It's pain like that which causes my anxiety level to increase. Random pains down there which seem positional in nature, make me think that anatomically, something is not quite right post vasectomy reversal. I really wish I had a video tape of my reversal.

But more likely, there is probably just some scar tissue down there that is rubbing against something or pinching something it shouldn't. When I think about this, I start to get fanciful ideas about having another surgery to "clean up" the area, kind of like when an athlete gets their knee cleaned out. But I don't dare have another surgery down there, if I can help it.

This is the roller coaster thinking you do when you have PVPS. Your mind play out numerous scenarios back and forth with a slew of "would of", "could of", and "should of" 's. Very tiring thinking and frustrating.

I'm reading a book about Mother Theresa. She talks about trusting in God for all things and then expecting him to come through in the clutch. I think that's where I struggle, the "expecting him to come through" part. But I think this is part of the master's plan for my spiritual growth. Or rather, not part of his initial plan, but since it's happened, he'll use it to that end.

So I guess it's back to just trusting God through all of this. Not letting myself get on that emotional roller coaster.

"Lord, please help me to trust in you. To expect that you'll help me. To absolutely count on it. You've done it before, with my marriage, my family, my career, etc. So why should I expect anything to change. You are the creator of the universe and you can do all things. Help me to trust you and to give it all to you. Not leaning on my own strength and understanding, but yours and yours alone. Speak to me with that still, small, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. Lead me through this and whatever else you know lies in my path. May you receive the glory and honor forever and ever. In Jesus name, amen."   

Not Sure What Happened Last Night

Last night I went to bed like any other night. I kept waking up having to adjust the pillow between my knees. I vaguely remember having an itch down there when I woke up too, but I can't remember exactly. Anyway, I woke up immediately this morning, briefly, after I had this dream that I got racked. The pillow was still between my knees. I woke up in pain, but it quickly faded, within seconds. So I'm not sure what really transpired. Was it a dream, did I accidentally hit myself in my sleep, did my knees slip briefly, pinching my boys? Honestly, I wish I knew.

Because this morning, I'm having this pain behind and to the right of my right testicle, where the epididymous is. I'd rate it about a 2-3. More nuisance than pain, at this point anyway. I'll probably take some tylenol with lunch to see if it helps. I was on the computer last night for about 2 hours, sitting! But I didn't have any pain at all last night.

I've been walking a lot and stretched out two nights ago, but again, I was pain free yesterday. I am coming up on my 1 year vasectomy reversal anniversary. I really hope nothing bad is happening down there. I'm finally to the point where I feel somewhat normal. Like I could hold down a job without worrying about my physical abilities.

I just pray that the pain is nothing more than pain, rather than a symptom of something bad taking place down there. There was a new person on the forum that I replied to. Her husband had a vasectomy 1 year ago and woke up the other day with epididymitis (presumably). I explained how I had a similar experience and now here I am waking up this morning with this weird pain.

Back From Camping

Ah, the great outdoors. Camping in the fresh air, smores over a campfire, the sound of a rushing river. It all adds up to a good time. I wondered how I would do, with the nerve pain and all. I wondered if I would over exert myself; mis-step on a slippery rock; lift something too heavy. But I didn't. I was careful, but not overly. It wasn't like a gave a whole lot of thought to my PVPs. It was one of those times when I actually felt normal.

The only time I was reminded of my pain was when I laid down to sleep at night. I squeezed into my "mummy" styled sleeping bag, on our Coleman air mattresses. I tried to get comfortable, but I didn't bring a pillow to place between my knees. So I slept fairly uncomfortably. Woke up a lot. Had to pee like a racehorse in the middle of the night (but it was too cold to get out of the tent). But once 6 am hit and I was able to get up, go to the bathroom and start my second roaring fire of the camping trip, I was back in normal mode. Didn't give my pain a second thought.

We had a good mix of walking, standing, and sitting. It seems like when those three activities are intermingled a lot, then my pain is substantially lessened. Too much of one though and the whole balance gets messed up. Once I get done blogging, I'm going to hit the hay and get a good night's sleep (Lord willing) to make up for last night. But I'll have my pillow all set up.

Still taking the vitamin and feeling my energy level staying high along with my mental sharpness. Praying a lot. In fact, my family and I had a great little Sunday service around the campfire this morning. It was awsome. My son gave the opening pray, my daughter led us in a song, I read about David escaping from Saul and my wife closed us in prayer. Just a neat, neat time - best part of the trip to be sure.

No pain to report today - thank you Jesus. Hoping for more of the same this week.