Depression and Testicular Pain

I think anyone suffering from chronic pain struggle with depression. Especially when everyone else seems to be doing so well. The "why me" syndrome begins to play itself out. But you can't let it get you down. You can't let your circumstances dictate your mood. Granted, this is easier said than done. I've been there.

I have had my personal bouts with depression, and frustration has so completely overwhelmed my abilities to cope at times that I really wondered what type of future I'd have. But then I remember "to count all things as joy". This is a difficult concept, joy. It doesn't mean you're happy. It doesn't mean life is going great. Rather, it means you have to remember to put it all in perspective.

Pain cannot be at the top of the pyramid of important things in your life. For me, my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, holds that place. He then helps me put things in an order that makes sense and helps me to keep my sanity. So I can still have joy, despite having a bad pain day.

Now I'm sure this will get put to the test in many other ways in my life, kind of like Job in the Bible. He had many reasons to take God off the top spot and replace it with pain. But the Lord reminded him of his place in the universe.

Today, I heard that we must be humble (Latin: humus) . To illustrate the point, the speaker ate some humus or 'dirt'. He said, you can't get much lower than dirt. I think having this perspective of our place in God's universe, actually helps us handle adversity. Those people who buy into the commercialism of "deserving the best" likely struggle the most with this idea. But as we all know, the universe does not revolve around us. There are lots of people in pain in the world, why should my response to the pain be anything other than humility.

So when I'm feeling bad, which happens a lot with PVPS, I just remember my place in God's universe. I am one of his children and so grateful for anything he gives me. If I have pain, than I have pain. But my joy is created from a sense of thankfulness and stays with me whether I have racking pains or knifing nerve pains or whatever.

Last night was a good night. Still wearing the athletic supporter (going on over a week now). Still exercising and trying to eat better. Something that may or may not be significant, if I eat a lot of sugar (chocolate, candy, ice cream, etc.) I notice an uptick in my pain. Not sure why, but there it is. I'm also eating walnuts every day. They are loaded with Omega 3's which are supposed to promote healthy nerves. We'll see how this experiment goes. I'll post about it in a few weeks I'm sure.

Again, have a good Thanksgiving holiday and remember why we have this holiday in the first place.

Steep Hike Was Rough

I just had something clarified yesterday. Walking good, steep hiking bad! Just when I thought my walking program was helping me to get in shape, I had an experience which humbled me quite a bit. My wife and I went fishing yesterday, but couldn't find a private spot, so we decided to go hiking instead. We wanted to take advantage of her day off from work and the weather was gorgeous, mid 60's with lots of sunshine.

We found a trail that had the right distance (2 miles) but was a little steep (20%), er make that a lot steep. We got about 12 minutes into the hike and I was huffing and puffing, my heartrate was somewhere around 120. Meanwhile my wife, who works out all the time, is yawning as we walk up the steep trail. What a contrast. I finally had to tell her, with wounded pride, that I couldn't go up any more and that it was time to turn back.

There were two reasons I needed to turn around. The first was my pitiful physical shape. That is directly related to the pain I've had related to my reversal. I haven't been able to be very (aerobically) active because of my previously described nerve pain. My aerobic threshold is still pretty low, despite the increased activity recently. I can tell I have a long way yet to go. Lord willing, I'll be able to get to the point where I can tolerate these kind of hikes in the future.

The second reason I was struggling on the hike was due to the groin pain I was experiencing with every climbing step. I remember when I started an exercise program in June with my kids, that squats seemed to cause me a lot of nerve pain. Well, picture this climb so steep that every step was like a semi squat. It felt great to use my leg muscles, but my groin was not enjoying itself.

I'm just glad I didn't let my pride get the best of me. I probably could have pushed through and then I'm sure I would have been in tremendous pain today. If this hike had occurred last year, then I know I would have let my pride hang me out to dry. So I think I'm make progress with my pride, thanks to God. He has really been showing me that pride is at the root of so many bad decisions.

So as it turns out, I had just a little left inguinal nerve pain last night when I laid on my left side. Then today, when I sat down, my left inguinal area experienced some more nerve pain. So lesson learned. I'm going to stick to flat surface walking/hiking for the time being. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to get my heart in shape, and by then, perhaps, my inguinal area will be less sensitive to such experiences.