It's now been six days since I was stricken with the stomach flu that is going around. The first couple of days were terrible. Nausea, cramping and all that comes with that. I have only yogurts and a couple of bowls of cereal since then. I'm still not hungry though.
This sitting around has been the worst. I can't go to the gym (no energy) and they cancelled the two days I was scheduled to work this week. So this has been a good test as to where I am with regards to my vasectomy side effects. I have to say that I am cautiously optimistic as my nerve pain has not really materialized. In fact, outside of the reminders I had (as a result of my retching) on Sunday, my PVPS has been non-existent.
This reminds me of an article I read that said, most men reported being PVPS pain free after vasectomy reversal in about 18 months. Now since the reversal caused my nerve-like pain, I guess it is reasoned enough to guess that it would take me a little longer to get over it.
I'm just past the two-year mark and things are remarkably better. I've also noticed that I can enjoy more sleeping positions at night. Before I could only sleep on my back or in the fetal position, with a pillow between my knees. Last night, I slept on my left side, with my left leg straight, and my right leg crossed over on a pillow. It was very comfortable. I'm not so brazen as to remove the pillow just yet, but maybe some day.
There is only the Lord to thank for the recovery I've experienced. I know he has his hand in my life and has been using this PVPS thing for his glory and will. Again, that may sound kind of weird to some of you readers, because you don't believe like I do. But trust me, if I could ever put into words what Jesus has done for me, how he's used this PVPS, how he's changed me (for the better, I think:), how I couldn't be the man I am today without this; then you'd probably believe like I do, because the journey would seem so fantastic, so full of miracles - you'd simply have no choice but to believe.
But since I'm not that eloquent, I guess you'll never know exactly what I mean when I say the Lord has helped me. For that, I apologize. Maybe one day, I'll be able to write it out in a way the world can understand.
In the meantime, my vasectomy side effects continue to be in the shadows as the flu bug still has center stage.
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Friday, January 18, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Working After Vasectomy Reversal
It has taken over two years since my reversal, but I am now employed! That may not seem like a big deal to most readers of this blog, as it wasn't the reversal which kept me from working, rather our personal choices with regards to our family. However, as a result of those choices, I have been unemployed for these last two years.
I'm not sure I could have been working with these PVPS pains that I had been experiencing since my reversal. Oh, I probably could have gotten by, with pain killers and the like. But I'm guessing it would have made a miserable time even more miserable. My heart goes out to those men who have jobs and various responsibilities that become compromised as a result of PVPS. I've heard many horror stories of men losing jobs because of their PVPS. I'm not sure why I was able to plod through this situation without that added burden. I'll say this, I've never been very thick-skinned. What I mean by that is, I've never been able to handle adversity with much grace. If things got a little overwhelming, and I mean just a 'little', I had a history of cratering. It really has never taken much to throw me off my game, to borrow a sports cliche'. I have always hated that about myself. But as a kid, I never had any adversity - so I guess I never learned the skills necessary to handle it when it came.
I know I get a little preachy, okay, a lot preachy, here sometimes but this is just another example of how the Lord works in my life. I last posted about cycles of pain. How I go through longer periods of relatively little pain followed by brief, short cycles of bothersome pain. I just finished up one of those longer periods without much pain. Interestingly, the brief cycle of bothersome pain, was very brief. In fact, it was only about a day long. Getting up and moving/walking is all it took to overcome it this time. I never even took a Tylenol or ibuprofen. So couple this new development with a job which will have me on my feet quite a bit, seems like a real blessing.
And I think I've grown quite a bit - mentally/spiritually/character - in the last two years. I think the Lord had to deal with me in such a way to show me that I don't have to handle the adversity on my own. I can simply turn it over to him and then trust that he'll take care of me. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. You know, looking to the future, I'm sure I'll have to adjust to a whole new set of pains that will come my way as I suddenly am thrust into the land of the living, but I am confident this job came along at just the right time, because I wasn't prepared for it before.
On a side note, while I was experiencing this past long cycle without much pain, I noticed a change in my wife and my intimacy levels. We were much more frequent in our time together. Kind of the exception for us, but it was great. I really love my wife so much and we, for whatever reason, were able to connect quite a bit. So perhaps the increased activity in the bedroom helped my pain cycle lengthen (in a good way).
I make this point because this is my journal, albeit public as it is. I write to remember, to explain, to help me figure stuff out and maybe, hopefully, to help someone else.
In any event, it looks like I'll be working after my vasectomy reversal. It only took two years.
I'm not sure I could have been working with these PVPS pains that I had been experiencing since my reversal. Oh, I probably could have gotten by, with pain killers and the like. But I'm guessing it would have made a miserable time even more miserable. My heart goes out to those men who have jobs and various responsibilities that become compromised as a result of PVPS. I've heard many horror stories of men losing jobs because of their PVPS. I'm not sure why I was able to plod through this situation without that added burden. I'll say this, I've never been very thick-skinned. What I mean by that is, I've never been able to handle adversity with much grace. If things got a little overwhelming, and I mean just a 'little', I had a history of cratering. It really has never taken much to throw me off my game, to borrow a sports cliche'. I have always hated that about myself. But as a kid, I never had any adversity - so I guess I never learned the skills necessary to handle it when it came.
I know I get a little preachy, okay, a lot preachy, here sometimes but this is just another example of how the Lord works in my life. I last posted about cycles of pain. How I go through longer periods of relatively little pain followed by brief, short cycles of bothersome pain. I just finished up one of those longer periods without much pain. Interestingly, the brief cycle of bothersome pain, was very brief. In fact, it was only about a day long. Getting up and moving/walking is all it took to overcome it this time. I never even took a Tylenol or ibuprofen. So couple this new development with a job which will have me on my feet quite a bit, seems like a real blessing.
And I think I've grown quite a bit - mentally/spiritually/character - in the last two years. I think the Lord had to deal with me in such a way to show me that I don't have to handle the adversity on my own. I can simply turn it over to him and then trust that he'll take care of me. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. You know, looking to the future, I'm sure I'll have to adjust to a whole new set of pains that will come my way as I suddenly am thrust into the land of the living, but I am confident this job came along at just the right time, because I wasn't prepared for it before.
On a side note, while I was experiencing this past long cycle without much pain, I noticed a change in my wife and my intimacy levels. We were much more frequent in our time together. Kind of the exception for us, but it was great. I really love my wife so much and we, for whatever reason, were able to connect quite a bit. So perhaps the increased activity in the bedroom helped my pain cycle lengthen (in a good way).
I make this point because this is my journal, albeit public as it is. I write to remember, to explain, to help me figure stuff out and maybe, hopefully, to help someone else.
In any event, it looks like I'll be working after my vasectomy reversal. It only took two years.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Vasectomy Reversal Update - Two Year Anniversary
Merry Christmas to everyone! It has been 2 years since my vasectomy reversal. So I thought I'd provide an update as to where I am these days.
With regards to the inguinal knifing pain. I only get that pain if I have been sitting too long or have been inactive for days at a time. The pain usually registers at a 2-3 on a 1-10 pain scale (10 being intolerable). This pain is mostly bothersome, but rarely so painful that it prohibits me from doing anything. Tylenol seems to address this pain rather well.
What about the congestive or full feeling on my right side. It is hard to distinguish this pain from the knifing pain, since the knifing pain has dulled in the last year. However, the congestive pain seems more centered in my scrotum and radiates out into my inguinal area. Frequency of ejaculations (e.j.) seems to regulate this pain. It seems that if I have at least 2 e.j.'s per week, the pain doesn't ever bother me. I visualize my epididymis emptying regularly, and therefore, not allowing any build up of pressure, which causes the full sensation.
Interestingly, if my wife and I talk about plans to be intimate during the day only to have those plans fall through, I experience a significant up swell in pain. It doesn't feel like 'blue balls', but it is certainly a similar phenomenon. The knifing inguinal and congestive pain will both be present. It's like the anticipation of excitement does something at the physiologic level, which then creates the pain scenario.
The racking pain on my left side will come and go for the same reasons listed above, sitting and inactivity. Although, jumping (like when playing basketball) and lifting something over 15 pounds will cause this sensation to rear its ugly head. It king of feels like something is pushing into my scrotum, like a hernia maybe? However, I have had this checked and apparently I do not have a hernia. This pain registers the same 2-3 on a pain scale. Tylenol doesn't affect it though, only ibuprofen works.
Random burning sensations. These still come and go at random and are independent of any activity, as far as I can tell. I will get these in all areas of my nether region, from my scrotum, "johnson", inguinal area, etc. These are a little un-nerving, because they feel so weird. They range from sharp pains to burning, to spasm-like sensations to twinges. The pain can be anywhere from a 1-5 and don't really respond to pain medicine with just one exception. The johnson pain does respond to tylenol.
I find that lifestyle really makes a difference. The more active I am, the better. The more my mind is distracted, the better. As long as I remember my coping techniques and try not to behave like a 20-30 year old, I'm okay.
Independent of anything I've listed above, there does seem to be a cycle of pain. When the pain first struck, I remember having a few good days followed by a few bad. Then a week or two of good, followed by the same of bad. This cycle has progressively lengthened itself over the last two years. Most recently, I identified a cycle of good times lasting about 2 months, followed by a single bad week of pain. I am currently nearing the end of a two month good spell, so I should probably plan on something changing here pretty soon.
Lastly, I wanted to talk about what helps me. Sure tylenol and ibuprofen are good for the pain. Not sitting for long periods of time is helpful too. But the thing that helps me the most is my God. I'm sure many non-Christians are rolling their eyes at me right now. I would ask that you just hear me out.
Having this PVPS thing happen to me is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, I can see how God has used this to grow me. My outlook and perspective on life has all been sharpened as a result of this stupid syndrome. I would not be the man I am today, if it weren't for my PVPS (and I mean that in the best of ways). My faith is far stronger, my expectation that God will work in my life and the lives of others is higher, and I see how he is using this syndrome to allow me to help others; it's truly been a blessing.
Now it wasn't always like this. In fact, I had a night where I basically yelled to God (not at God) about all the bad stuff that was happening to me (PVPS). From that moment on, my pain lessened dramatically, my ability to cope magnified about 100 fold, my attitude immediately changed from victim to contentment. I'd love to say that it was all me; that I some how mustard-ed up the internal fortitude and changed everything overnight. But it wasn't me. I know the Lord worked something miraculous in my life that night. I'm not going to say he "healed me from Heaven". No, no, that would be a huge leap of faith that not even I could make. Rather, he just seemed to change me somehow.
I had been playing the victim role for so long, and that had to change or I would never be any good to God. I could no longer completely focus on myself, which is exactly what was happening. I was ignoring my wife and two young children; not to mention my community and church. I know I'm doing a poor job of explaining how the Lord God worked in my life, but read through my blog and you'll get the idea. Maybe some day I'll be able to clearly state it, but right now, I'm just so overjoyed to be where I am and feeling how I feel. I can't help but to praise my Lord and my God - especially as we celebrate the gift of his only son Jesus, who is the Christ, the one who shall save us from our sins.
So on that note, I'll wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope you find peace and everlasting joy.
With regards to the inguinal knifing pain. I only get that pain if I have been sitting too long or have been inactive for days at a time. The pain usually registers at a 2-3 on a 1-10 pain scale (10 being intolerable). This pain is mostly bothersome, but rarely so painful that it prohibits me from doing anything. Tylenol seems to address this pain rather well.
What about the congestive or full feeling on my right side. It is hard to distinguish this pain from the knifing pain, since the knifing pain has dulled in the last year. However, the congestive pain seems more centered in my scrotum and radiates out into my inguinal area. Frequency of ejaculations (e.j.) seems to regulate this pain. It seems that if I have at least 2 e.j.'s per week, the pain doesn't ever bother me. I visualize my epididymis emptying regularly, and therefore, not allowing any build up of pressure, which causes the full sensation.
Interestingly, if my wife and I talk about plans to be intimate during the day only to have those plans fall through, I experience a significant up swell in pain. It doesn't feel like 'blue balls', but it is certainly a similar phenomenon. The knifing inguinal and congestive pain will both be present. It's like the anticipation of excitement does something at the physiologic level, which then creates the pain scenario.
The racking pain on my left side will come and go for the same reasons listed above, sitting and inactivity. Although, jumping (like when playing basketball) and lifting something over 15 pounds will cause this sensation to rear its ugly head. It king of feels like something is pushing into my scrotum, like a hernia maybe? However, I have had this checked and apparently I do not have a hernia. This pain registers the same 2-3 on a pain scale. Tylenol doesn't affect it though, only ibuprofen works.
Random burning sensations. These still come and go at random and are independent of any activity, as far as I can tell. I will get these in all areas of my nether region, from my scrotum, "johnson", inguinal area, etc. These are a little un-nerving, because they feel so weird. They range from sharp pains to burning, to spasm-like sensations to twinges. The pain can be anywhere from a 1-5 and don't really respond to pain medicine with just one exception. The johnson pain does respond to tylenol.
I find that lifestyle really makes a difference. The more active I am, the better. The more my mind is distracted, the better. As long as I remember my coping techniques and try not to behave like a 20-30 year old, I'm okay.
Independent of anything I've listed above, there does seem to be a cycle of pain. When the pain first struck, I remember having a few good days followed by a few bad. Then a week or two of good, followed by the same of bad. This cycle has progressively lengthened itself over the last two years. Most recently, I identified a cycle of good times lasting about 2 months, followed by a single bad week of pain. I am currently nearing the end of a two month good spell, so I should probably plan on something changing here pretty soon.
Lastly, I wanted to talk about what helps me. Sure tylenol and ibuprofen are good for the pain. Not sitting for long periods of time is helpful too. But the thing that helps me the most is my God. I'm sure many non-Christians are rolling their eyes at me right now. I would ask that you just hear me out.
Having this PVPS thing happen to me is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, I can see how God has used this to grow me. My outlook and perspective on life has all been sharpened as a result of this stupid syndrome. I would not be the man I am today, if it weren't for my PVPS (and I mean that in the best of ways). My faith is far stronger, my expectation that God will work in my life and the lives of others is higher, and I see how he is using this syndrome to allow me to help others; it's truly been a blessing.
Now it wasn't always like this. In fact, I had a night where I basically yelled to God (not at God) about all the bad stuff that was happening to me (PVPS). From that moment on, my pain lessened dramatically, my ability to cope magnified about 100 fold, my attitude immediately changed from victim to contentment. I'd love to say that it was all me; that I some how mustard-ed up the internal fortitude and changed everything overnight. But it wasn't me. I know the Lord worked something miraculous in my life that night. I'm not going to say he "healed me from Heaven". No, no, that would be a huge leap of faith that not even I could make. Rather, he just seemed to change me somehow.
I had been playing the victim role for so long, and that had to change or I would never be any good to God. I could no longer completely focus on myself, which is exactly what was happening. I was ignoring my wife and two young children; not to mention my community and church. I know I'm doing a poor job of explaining how the Lord God worked in my life, but read through my blog and you'll get the idea. Maybe some day I'll be able to clearly state it, but right now, I'm just so overjoyed to be where I am and feeling how I feel. I can't help but to praise my Lord and my God - especially as we celebrate the gift of his only son Jesus, who is the Christ, the one who shall save us from our sins.
So on that note, I'll wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope you find peace and everlasting joy.
Friday, December 7, 2012
This Old Body of Mine
Do you ever have days when you feel older than you really are? That is the kind of day I'm having. My back went out, my PVPS acted up, my heart was skipping beats, my head hurt and I just felt like an old man. Now I know why older people can be kind of cranky - everything hurts.
When my back goes out, it seems to trigger something with my PVPS. This time, I had indiscriminate pains throughout my pelvic region. They would come and go without too much fanfare. I took some tylenol at bedtime hoping it would take care of some of my pains. The headache went away, and then I fell asleep.
This morning, is a little bit like last night. Pains here and there. I am going to try to get back on the treadmill today and see if that doesn't help. I guess the older folks would say I'm going to try to 'lubricate the joints'. Well, I guess I'll see.
I'm not sure how much more I'm going to post this month. December is always so busy with so many things related to Christmas. If something big breaks (not literally I hope), then I'll come back and post. Otherwise, have a good Christmas and may the peace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, be with you.
When my back goes out, it seems to trigger something with my PVPS. This time, I had indiscriminate pains throughout my pelvic region. They would come and go without too much fanfare. I took some tylenol at bedtime hoping it would take care of some of my pains. The headache went away, and then I fell asleep.
This morning, is a little bit like last night. Pains here and there. I am going to try to get back on the treadmill today and see if that doesn't help. I guess the older folks would say I'm going to try to 'lubricate the joints'. Well, I guess I'll see.
I'm not sure how much more I'm going to post this month. December is always so busy with so many things related to Christmas. If something big breaks (not literally I hope), then I'll come back and post. Otherwise, have a good Christmas and may the peace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, be with you.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Depression and Testicular Pain
I think anyone suffering from chronic pain struggle with depression. Especially when everyone else seems to be doing so well. The "why me" syndrome begins to play itself out. But you can't let it get you down. You can't let your circumstances dictate your mood. Granted, this is easier said than done. I've been there.
I have had my personal bouts with depression, and frustration has so completely overwhelmed my abilities to cope at times that I really wondered what type of future I'd have. But then I remember "to count all things as joy". This is a difficult concept, joy. It doesn't mean you're happy. It doesn't mean life is going great. Rather, it means you have to remember to put it all in perspective.
Pain cannot be at the top of the pyramid of important things in your life. For me, my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, holds that place. He then helps me put things in an order that makes sense and helps me to keep my sanity. So I can still have joy, despite having a bad pain day.
Now I'm sure this will get put to the test in many other ways in my life, kind of like Job in the Bible. He had many reasons to take God off the top spot and replace it with pain. But the Lord reminded him of his place in the universe.
Today, I heard that we must be humble (Latin: humus) . To illustrate the point, the speaker ate some humus or 'dirt'. He said, you can't get much lower than dirt. I think having this perspective of our place in God's universe, actually helps us handle adversity. Those people who buy into the commercialism of "deserving the best" likely struggle the most with this idea. But as we all know, the universe does not revolve around us. There are lots of people in pain in the world, why should my response to the pain be anything other than humility.
So when I'm feeling bad, which happens a lot with PVPS, I just remember my place in God's universe. I am one of his children and so grateful for anything he gives me. If I have pain, than I have pain. But my joy is created from a sense of thankfulness and stays with me whether I have racking pains or knifing nerve pains or whatever.
Last night was a good night. Still wearing the athletic supporter (going on over a week now). Still exercising and trying to eat better. Something that may or may not be significant, if I eat a lot of sugar (chocolate, candy, ice cream, etc.) I notice an uptick in my pain. Not sure why, but there it is. I'm also eating walnuts every day. They are loaded with Omega 3's which are supposed to promote healthy nerves. We'll see how this experiment goes. I'll post about it in a few weeks I'm sure.
Again, have a good Thanksgiving holiday and remember why we have this holiday in the first place.
I have had my personal bouts with depression, and frustration has so completely overwhelmed my abilities to cope at times that I really wondered what type of future I'd have. But then I remember "to count all things as joy". This is a difficult concept, joy. It doesn't mean you're happy. It doesn't mean life is going great. Rather, it means you have to remember to put it all in perspective.
Pain cannot be at the top of the pyramid of important things in your life. For me, my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, holds that place. He then helps me put things in an order that makes sense and helps me to keep my sanity. So I can still have joy, despite having a bad pain day.
Now I'm sure this will get put to the test in many other ways in my life, kind of like Job in the Bible. He had many reasons to take God off the top spot and replace it with pain. But the Lord reminded him of his place in the universe.
Today, I heard that we must be humble (Latin: humus) . To illustrate the point, the speaker ate some humus or 'dirt'. He said, you can't get much lower than dirt. I think having this perspective of our place in God's universe, actually helps us handle adversity. Those people who buy into the commercialism of "deserving the best" likely struggle the most with this idea. But as we all know, the universe does not revolve around us. There are lots of people in pain in the world, why should my response to the pain be anything other than humility.
So when I'm feeling bad, which happens a lot with PVPS, I just remember my place in God's universe. I am one of his children and so grateful for anything he gives me. If I have pain, than I have pain. But my joy is created from a sense of thankfulness and stays with me whether I have racking pains or knifing nerve pains or whatever.
Last night was a good night. Still wearing the athletic supporter (going on over a week now). Still exercising and trying to eat better. Something that may or may not be significant, if I eat a lot of sugar (chocolate, candy, ice cream, etc.) I notice an uptick in my pain. Not sure why, but there it is. I'm also eating walnuts every day. They are loaded with Omega 3's which are supposed to promote healthy nerves. We'll see how this experiment goes. I'll post about it in a few weeks I'm sure.
Again, have a good Thanksgiving holiday and remember why we have this holiday in the first place.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Pushing Through
I continue to be in the purgatory of pain. Not quite free of it and not completely debilitated from it; just somewhere in the middle. Again, I should be thankful that it isn't handicapping me from life as it has some other men. I do have a lot to be thankful for and I praise the good Lord above for all he's done for me. I'm just ready to move forward.
It's hard to do that when you are reminded every day that you are suffering from a pain syndrome. However, I can't let that be my focus, which is rather easy for me. I tend to have the personality that looks at a cup half empty. Fear and anxiety, the unknown, and flashes of pain all too easily garnish my attention.
I've learned to draw my strength from my lord, Jesus Christ. I've learned that I must place my complete trust in him; go where he leads. I get frustrated because I feel like I'm too dependent upon him for my daily living. Maybe I'm asking for too much when I pray?
But like any other good father, he wants me to come to him with everything. Even if I've bothered him a million times before about the exact same thing. I listen to my kids when they do this with me, so I know my father in heaven is listening and placing his sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
That, in and of itself, is what enables me to get through each bad day; each anxiety and fear-filled day. So for whatever it's worth, he's there for me - helping me push through the pain, moving the pile further down the path. I know the 'pile' (code name for pain) will always be there, but at least it's not keeping me from moving forward. Thank God.
It's hard to do that when you are reminded every day that you are suffering from a pain syndrome. However, I can't let that be my focus, which is rather easy for me. I tend to have the personality that looks at a cup half empty. Fear and anxiety, the unknown, and flashes of pain all too easily garnish my attention.
I've learned to draw my strength from my lord, Jesus Christ. I've learned that I must place my complete trust in him; go where he leads. I get frustrated because I feel like I'm too dependent upon him for my daily living. Maybe I'm asking for too much when I pray?
But like any other good father, he wants me to come to him with everything. Even if I've bothered him a million times before about the exact same thing. I listen to my kids when they do this with me, so I know my father in heaven is listening and placing his sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
That, in and of itself, is what enables me to get through each bad day; each anxiety and fear-filled day. So for whatever it's worth, he's there for me - helping me push through the pain, moving the pile further down the path. I know the 'pile' (code name for pain) will always be there, but at least it's not keeping me from moving forward. Thank God.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Time Keeps on Slipping, Slipping, Slipping....
Into the future I go. I suppose there is no where else to go. This online journal has been a great way for me to keep track of my symptoms. I was able to identify cycles of pain, look for cause and effect, and track the intensity and nature of the pain. I've been recording this data for over a year now, since my vasectomy reversal.
I've been a member of the yahoo forum for PVPS sufferers for close to a year and a half. Those guys and gals have been through so much, just like me. A lot of their stories are worse than mine. Their pain seems to be much more pronounced and debilitating, although, mine has had its moments. I continue to pray for those who suffer from PVPS. Sadly, there are new members to the forum, monthly. All have the same story, to some degree I mean. They all had a vasectomy and now their world is turned upside down.
We all frantically look for answers, solutions, tips...anything that will take the pain away. I love to read stories about how some men were able to have a procedure which enabled them to become pain free, but unfortunately, those stories are too rare. Most guys just talk about getting back to 80, 85, or even 90% of their former self.
It has been over 18 months since my reversal, so I thought I would provide an update.
Physically - I am not in the greatest of shape, because my activity still isn't normal. I have a fairly sedentary lifestyle. However, it is picking up a bit. We live in an apartment complex that has a swimming pool, exercise area, and tennis court. I've been able to get back on the treadmill, I swim at least once a week and I've played tennis once or twice - with athletic supporter in place.
My pain is confined to nondescript flashes of pain in the inguinal area that rate a 1-2 on a 1-10 pain scale. I also get a racking pain in my left testicle which rates a 4-5. This pain is triggered by E.J.s, lifting anything heavy and doing squats. I think it may be a type of hernia or it could be nerve pain. I'm not really sure. The last type of pain is a nerve pain I get on the tip of my penis. I've had it a couple of times and it is just flat out disturbing. It rates a 4-5 and can last all evening.
Mentally - I'm doing better. The pain has weighed less on me lately. I've kind of just adjusted to it. I no longer freak out when I have a blast of nerve pain. Instead, I just kind of think, "Oh, okay. Just a bit of pain." Now that would probably not be the case if I was still having those sharp knifing pains, but the last couple of months have been better. The chronic ache on my right side isn't even noticeable, most of the time. So that has helped me quite a bit on the mental side.
Spiritually - Let's face it, we're all sinners. That will never change. I still need my Lord and savior Jesus to get me through. But since I've kind of surrendered this to him, it hasn't been as bad. Coincidence? Maybe. But I like to think that God has helped me have a stronger relationship with him because I had to go through this PVPS thing. I truly believe that my faith wouldn't be nearly as strong as it is, if it weren't for PVPS.
So yes, I'm actually praising God for this syndrome. Crazy, I know. But who can argue with God. It's like this, those without faith in God, think those of us with faith are stupid. So if you don't have it, I don't expect you to understand what I'm talking about. But trust me, Jesus is the answer to so many questions.
My prayer is that your pain will go away. I also pray that you'll find Jesus in this and that he'll comfort and strengthen you, as he continually does for me. I'm not sure when I'll blog next, so until that time, may you become more aware of Jesus in your life. More aware of how he wants you to be his. God bless.
I've been a member of the yahoo forum for PVPS sufferers for close to a year and a half. Those guys and gals have been through so much, just like me. A lot of their stories are worse than mine. Their pain seems to be much more pronounced and debilitating, although, mine has had its moments. I continue to pray for those who suffer from PVPS. Sadly, there are new members to the forum, monthly. All have the same story, to some degree I mean. They all had a vasectomy and now their world is turned upside down.
We all frantically look for answers, solutions, tips...anything that will take the pain away. I love to read stories about how some men were able to have a procedure which enabled them to become pain free, but unfortunately, those stories are too rare. Most guys just talk about getting back to 80, 85, or even 90% of their former self.
It has been over 18 months since my reversal, so I thought I would provide an update.
Physically - I am not in the greatest of shape, because my activity still isn't normal. I have a fairly sedentary lifestyle. However, it is picking up a bit. We live in an apartment complex that has a swimming pool, exercise area, and tennis court. I've been able to get back on the treadmill, I swim at least once a week and I've played tennis once or twice - with athletic supporter in place.
My pain is confined to nondescript flashes of pain in the inguinal area that rate a 1-2 on a 1-10 pain scale. I also get a racking pain in my left testicle which rates a 4-5. This pain is triggered by E.J.s, lifting anything heavy and doing squats. I think it may be a type of hernia or it could be nerve pain. I'm not really sure. The last type of pain is a nerve pain I get on the tip of my penis. I've had it a couple of times and it is just flat out disturbing. It rates a 4-5 and can last all evening.
Mentally - I'm doing better. The pain has weighed less on me lately. I've kind of just adjusted to it. I no longer freak out when I have a blast of nerve pain. Instead, I just kind of think, "Oh, okay. Just a bit of pain." Now that would probably not be the case if I was still having those sharp knifing pains, but the last couple of months have been better. The chronic ache on my right side isn't even noticeable, most of the time. So that has helped me quite a bit on the mental side.
Spiritually - Let's face it, we're all sinners. That will never change. I still need my Lord and savior Jesus to get me through. But since I've kind of surrendered this to him, it hasn't been as bad. Coincidence? Maybe. But I like to think that God has helped me have a stronger relationship with him because I had to go through this PVPS thing. I truly believe that my faith wouldn't be nearly as strong as it is, if it weren't for PVPS.
So yes, I'm actually praising God for this syndrome. Crazy, I know. But who can argue with God. It's like this, those without faith in God, think those of us with faith are stupid. So if you don't have it, I don't expect you to understand what I'm talking about. But trust me, Jesus is the answer to so many questions.
My prayer is that your pain will go away. I also pray that you'll find Jesus in this and that he'll comfort and strengthen you, as he continually does for me. I'm not sure when I'll blog next, so until that time, may you become more aware of Jesus in your life. More aware of how he wants you to be his. God bless.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Almost Forgot About The Pain
I hate to even say this, but here goes. I actually had a day where I almost forgot about the pain. I even went so far to forget I had PVPS. I know, pretty weird, huh? I'm not complaining, I'm just fearful that if I verbalize this phenomena, then it'll kind of jinx my good mojo. Not that I believe in stuff like that.
But still, you always hate to hear the anouncer say how your favorite baseball pitcher has dominated a particular batter, only to watch that said batter blast a walk-off homerun in the bottom of the 9th inning.
So how am I today? Well, okay I guess. Nothing major going on. I got back on the treadmill two days ago and so am just a tad bit sore on my right side. Forgot to wear an athletic supporter, shame on me. But even with that, it's not so bad.
I am about 18.5 months out from my reversal surgery. Except for a couple of twinges here and there, I seem to be doing okay, thank you God! After all, it's nothing I've done to make my pain lessen, except maybe pray like crazy.
Granted, I'm not lifting weights or even working at this point. My lifestyle includes a lot of surfing on the intranet looking for jobs (25 or so applications in the last 2 weeks), updating my websites and blogs and basically being an annoying dad to my two kids.
But hopefully, I'll become employed and then we'll see what kind of real progress I've been able to make (again, by the grace of God). I will say this though...this last year has kind of stunk, from a physical health standpoint. But, my spiritual life has been terrific. I think the Lord has really used this medical experience/challenge to get my attention. To make my faith stronger. To improve my prayer life. Basically, to get serious about my relationship with him.
You know, there is power in the name of Jesus Christ. I've always heard that statement and kind of thought it was a stupid thing for christians to say. But I think we deny the power of God. We kind of neuter God and feel like we need to be the ones in control. I've learned, that isn't how it works. He is in control. I mean, it's his story...right? The story of life isn't about me. It's about God reaching out to his people, his creation and wanting them to see him as the hero. Think about it, he has all the super hero powers, plus more.
I hope you realize that I'm not being preachy, although it does kind of sound like it. Rather, I am just excited to know that God is big enough for my problems, and if I may say, yours too. So that's it for now. I just wanted to praise God and Jesus for helping me down this road of faith.
But still, you always hate to hear the anouncer say how your favorite baseball pitcher has dominated a particular batter, only to watch that said batter blast a walk-off homerun in the bottom of the 9th inning.
So how am I today? Well, okay I guess. Nothing major going on. I got back on the treadmill two days ago and so am just a tad bit sore on my right side. Forgot to wear an athletic supporter, shame on me. But even with that, it's not so bad.
I am about 18.5 months out from my reversal surgery. Except for a couple of twinges here and there, I seem to be doing okay, thank you God! After all, it's nothing I've done to make my pain lessen, except maybe pray like crazy.
Granted, I'm not lifting weights or even working at this point. My lifestyle includes a lot of surfing on the intranet looking for jobs (25 or so applications in the last 2 weeks), updating my websites and blogs and basically being an annoying dad to my two kids.
But hopefully, I'll become employed and then we'll see what kind of real progress I've been able to make (again, by the grace of God). I will say this though...this last year has kind of stunk, from a physical health standpoint. But, my spiritual life has been terrific. I think the Lord has really used this medical experience/challenge to get my attention. To make my faith stronger. To improve my prayer life. Basically, to get serious about my relationship with him.
You know, there is power in the name of Jesus Christ. I've always heard that statement and kind of thought it was a stupid thing for christians to say. But I think we deny the power of God. We kind of neuter God and feel like we need to be the ones in control. I've learned, that isn't how it works. He is in control. I mean, it's his story...right? The story of life isn't about me. It's about God reaching out to his people, his creation and wanting them to see him as the hero. Think about it, he has all the super hero powers, plus more.
I hope you realize that I'm not being preachy, although it does kind of sound like it. Rather, I am just excited to know that God is big enough for my problems, and if I may say, yours too. So that's it for now. I just wanted to praise God and Jesus for helping me down this road of faith.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Back in Time
I've walked on the treadmill the last couple of days but now I've decided to stretch out my legs afterward. As a result, I've been experiencing the dull ache in my right groin that I had during last summer. But my back has been hurting so much that I figured my hamstrings needed to be stretched out as their tightness correlates to my lumbar pain. It felt good to stretch them out, but this ache is a real pain.
I'm getting fairly tired of having to deal with the constant aches and pains associated with PVPS. I know, so is everybody else in the world who suffers from chronic pain. I get that. I find though, that I go through cycles of being 1) okay with everything and 2) frustration with it all.
My faith in my lord Jesus Christ helps me more than anyone can ever know. It seems like he helps me get back on the right track after I've cycled down into the pits for a while. Again, I'm not sure how people deal with stuff like this without faith in Jesus. The eternal perspective I have, knowing I have a better life in heaven awaiting me, really does get me out of the doldrums.
I'm still thinking hard about the idea of getting the targeted neurolysis. I need more information though first. I'd hate to make another misinformed decision.
I guess that's it. Praise be to God as he teaches me to die to myself everyday. PVPS helps me do that.
I'm getting fairly tired of having to deal with the constant aches and pains associated with PVPS. I know, so is everybody else in the world who suffers from chronic pain. I get that. I find though, that I go through cycles of being 1) okay with everything and 2) frustration with it all.
My faith in my lord Jesus Christ helps me more than anyone can ever know. It seems like he helps me get back on the right track after I've cycled down into the pits for a while. Again, I'm not sure how people deal with stuff like this without faith in Jesus. The eternal perspective I have, knowing I have a better life in heaven awaiting me, really does get me out of the doldrums.
I'm still thinking hard about the idea of getting the targeted neurolysis. I need more information though first. I'd hate to make another misinformed decision.
I guess that's it. Praise be to God as he teaches me to die to myself everyday. PVPS helps me do that.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Prayers to the Rescue
I wrote a journal entry once before and titled it, "Athletic Supporter to the Rescue". You'll notice a huge change in today's title. But the idea of needing rescued remains. People with chronic pain want to be rescued. We want the pain to go away. Some days it really feels like you are drowning in a sea of self-pity. You desperately wait for the life preserver to be thrown your way.
In my last post, I mentioned how I had a pretty good week and then found out that I was being specifically prayed for by a very nice lady in my church. Every day she prayed for me. I find that wonderfully humbling. Well, then I found out that someone else at my church had been praying for me also.
All I can say is, "thank you God" for bringing people to my aid. A lot of people don't believe in God or Jesus or prayer. I spent the better part of 20 years praying for my mom who had Alzheimer's and she was never healed. My pain mentor, a devout christian, has had people praying for him for years and years and he's still got severe pain. I won't try to answer why some people are healed and others aren't. I still have painful reminders throughout the day that my condition still exists. Even now, sitting at the computer, I feel the impingement of something or other in my inguinal area. So, I haven't been healed. But I did have a much needed week of pain relief and I thank those who prayed for me and the God above who came to my rescue.
Like I said a time or two ago, I now thank God for this pain (still sounds weird to say it). But there is no way I could have gotten to the point - spiritually - where I am today without it. I think he's really used this to help me understand the seriousness of my faith in Jesus Christ. I have always tried to please both man and God in equal proportions. Look good for God, but also put on my best for my neighbors, friends, family, co-workers, etc. I looked the part of christian, but I also looked the part of non-christian - despite a resolute faith and trust in Jesus Christ.
I now feel compelled to let people know that faith in Christ is a serious thing. We shouldn't spend our lives thinking we should be impressing people in this world; rather, it's God we should be pleasing. Living a double life is not cool. Sadly, the lack of seriousness in my faith and belief has led me to live as a double agent. The pain I feel and the regret I have were worked by God to bring me to this realization.
The prayers of the people this last week were so humbling - literally humbling. Sure, the drop off in pain has been wonderful. But will it last? Who knows. But I'm appreciative and grateful for the prayers. Just knowing that someone loves you enough to pray to God for you is an incredible blessing. And these are just regular folks. It's not like they're my best friends at church. In fact, we have only been going to this church for a few months now. We're completely new to this area. We live 2600 miles away from any family.
But now, the people who pray for us (me specifically) feel like family. Brothers and sisters in the family of Jesus. I hope they know how much I love and appreciate them. More importantly, I hope my Lord and Savior knows how much I love and appreciate him. What a wonderful savior. My life is changed.
In my last post, I mentioned how I had a pretty good week and then found out that I was being specifically prayed for by a very nice lady in my church. Every day she prayed for me. I find that wonderfully humbling. Well, then I found out that someone else at my church had been praying for me also.
All I can say is, "thank you God" for bringing people to my aid. A lot of people don't believe in God or Jesus or prayer. I spent the better part of 20 years praying for my mom who had Alzheimer's and she was never healed. My pain mentor, a devout christian, has had people praying for him for years and years and he's still got severe pain. I won't try to answer why some people are healed and others aren't. I still have painful reminders throughout the day that my condition still exists. Even now, sitting at the computer, I feel the impingement of something or other in my inguinal area. So, I haven't been healed. But I did have a much needed week of pain relief and I thank those who prayed for me and the God above who came to my rescue.
Like I said a time or two ago, I now thank God for this pain (still sounds weird to say it). But there is no way I could have gotten to the point - spiritually - where I am today without it. I think he's really used this to help me understand the seriousness of my faith in Jesus Christ. I have always tried to please both man and God in equal proportions. Look good for God, but also put on my best for my neighbors, friends, family, co-workers, etc. I looked the part of christian, but I also looked the part of non-christian - despite a resolute faith and trust in Jesus Christ.
I now feel compelled to let people know that faith in Christ is a serious thing. We shouldn't spend our lives thinking we should be impressing people in this world; rather, it's God we should be pleasing. Living a double life is not cool. Sadly, the lack of seriousness in my faith and belief has led me to live as a double agent. The pain I feel and the regret I have were worked by God to bring me to this realization.
The prayers of the people this last week were so humbling - literally humbling. Sure, the drop off in pain has been wonderful. But will it last? Who knows. But I'm appreciative and grateful for the prayers. Just knowing that someone loves you enough to pray to God for you is an incredible blessing. And these are just regular folks. It's not like they're my best friends at church. In fact, we have only been going to this church for a few months now. We're completely new to this area. We live 2600 miles away from any family.
But now, the people who pray for us (me specifically) feel like family. Brothers and sisters in the family of Jesus. I hope they know how much I love and appreciate them. More importantly, I hope my Lord and Savior knows how much I love and appreciate him. What a wonderful savior. My life is changed.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Keeping An Eternal Perspective
I did several things last week when I was at my wit's end. I thought I had a hernia and got it checked out. I was miserable and had to take a hydrocodone to alleviate the pain. I also started wearing an athletic supporter everyday. I read my Bible, specifically the Book of Job. I prayed a lot.
What are the results you might ask. Well, let me tell you. My pain dramatically decreased. I wore the athletic supporter for about 10 days. I stopped wearing it yesterday. Strangely, it felt better when I stopped wearing it. It's like the athletic supporter needed to brace me up a bit so my ligaments would stop being stretched or my nerves would stop being yanked around. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what the athletic supporter does. I just know I've worn it twice since my reversal and I've felt better because of it.
Now, I'm not discounting the reading and prayer. Interestingly, after my rather lengthy talk with God a week ago Monday, I was in a much better frame of mind, spirit and body. I think he brought me to a place of understanding. Much like Job though, I'm not necessarily happy about what I understand. Rather, I'm just not experiencing as much mental strife.
If I don't continue to pray and read the Bible, I can see where I'll find myself in the same dark place of desperation. Even yesterday, I found myself getting quite angry over a twinge in my right groin. It was like, "Wow, I've had several good days and now, for no reason, I'm having this twinge. Why can't I catch a break?"
We're always looking to ask "why, why, why". I know that has been my favorite question these last 8 years. I don't really think it's our right to ask "why". I could be wrong, but I think we just need to accept what happens and realize that God will use it for his glory. A verse in Romans says something like, "...all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose."
Well, I love God. I feel called according to HIS purpose - some of the time anyway. The way I look at it these days, this will all work together for good. Some how, this nerve pain will work out to some better and higher purpose, according to Christ. Listen, I know this isn't your typical view on how to see something like chronic pain, but I really feel like this is it. It makes me sad to think about people who don't know Jesus, who don't know God as their father in Heaven. What kind of hope do they have?
If this nerve pain has twisted my spirit inside-out, and I'm a christian, what must it do to people who don't have an eternal perspective...who don't have a hope for something better? It's hard for me to conceptualize. But it doesn't mean God can't still work in their lives. It doesn't mean they have to be without that hope forever. I know that God loves all of us and wants the best for all of us, just like any good father. Unfortunately, our decisions get in his way sometimes, most of the time actually. So we suffer the consequences of our decisions. But, there's hope. We won't be confined to these bodies for eternity.
It's that hope in Christ that keeps me going...honestly. I'm not just trying to be preachy here, I really mean what I say. Without Jesus, I'm not sure what kind of bad place I'd be stuck in. Anger, resentment, depression, and self pity would be constant companions. As it is, they only come over for very brief visits. Thank God.
So today, I'm feeling a little pain in my groin. My left testicle gets that racking feeling periodically. I'm back to walking, with athletic support in place. I try to stay off the computer as much as possible. I guess that's about it. Good luck and God bless.
What are the results you might ask. Well, let me tell you. My pain dramatically decreased. I wore the athletic supporter for about 10 days. I stopped wearing it yesterday. Strangely, it felt better when I stopped wearing it. It's like the athletic supporter needed to brace me up a bit so my ligaments would stop being stretched or my nerves would stop being yanked around. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what the athletic supporter does. I just know I've worn it twice since my reversal and I've felt better because of it.
Now, I'm not discounting the reading and prayer. Interestingly, after my rather lengthy talk with God a week ago Monday, I was in a much better frame of mind, spirit and body. I think he brought me to a place of understanding. Much like Job though, I'm not necessarily happy about what I understand. Rather, I'm just not experiencing as much mental strife.
If I don't continue to pray and read the Bible, I can see where I'll find myself in the same dark place of desperation. Even yesterday, I found myself getting quite angry over a twinge in my right groin. It was like, "Wow, I've had several good days and now, for no reason, I'm having this twinge. Why can't I catch a break?"
We're always looking to ask "why, why, why". I know that has been my favorite question these last 8 years. I don't really think it's our right to ask "why". I could be wrong, but I think we just need to accept what happens and realize that God will use it for his glory. A verse in Romans says something like, "...all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose."
Well, I love God. I feel called according to HIS purpose - some of the time anyway. The way I look at it these days, this will all work together for good. Some how, this nerve pain will work out to some better and higher purpose, according to Christ. Listen, I know this isn't your typical view on how to see something like chronic pain, but I really feel like this is it. It makes me sad to think about people who don't know Jesus, who don't know God as their father in Heaven. What kind of hope do they have?
If this nerve pain has twisted my spirit inside-out, and I'm a christian, what must it do to people who don't have an eternal perspective...who don't have a hope for something better? It's hard for me to conceptualize. But it doesn't mean God can't still work in their lives. It doesn't mean they have to be without that hope forever. I know that God loves all of us and wants the best for all of us, just like any good father. Unfortunately, our decisions get in his way sometimes, most of the time actually. So we suffer the consequences of our decisions. But, there's hope. We won't be confined to these bodies for eternity.
It's that hope in Christ that keeps me going...honestly. I'm not just trying to be preachy here, I really mean what I say. Without Jesus, I'm not sure what kind of bad place I'd be stuck in. Anger, resentment, depression, and self pity would be constant companions. As it is, they only come over for very brief visits. Thank God.
So today, I'm feeling a little pain in my groin. My left testicle gets that racking feeling periodically. I'm back to walking, with athletic support in place. I try to stay off the computer as much as possible. I guess that's about it. Good luck and God bless.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
God is the Great Physician
I know some people won't like my posting today. They may not believe in God or may not think the internet should be a place to talk about God. But at this point, I don't really care what other people think. I don't mean that in a pious or condescending way. Rather, I've spent much of my life too worried about what other people think and less about what God thinks, and it's done nothing but get me in trouble. So, I'm switching my approach.
Last Thursday night I had to take a hydrocodone because the pain was too intense. I went to an urgent care clinic the next day, (Friday) because I thought I might have had a hernia. I thought perhaps that is what was popping into my scrotum. Well, I saw the guy at the clinic and I dropped my trousers. I turned my head and coughed. I even bore down in my pelvic region like I was trying to pass a bowling ball. The guy looked up at me and said, "Nope, I'm not feeling anything down there".
He told me that my symptoms were classic hernia, but unless something 'gave' into my testicles, nobody would say I actually had a hernia. On a side note, when he positioned his fingers into place for the examination, the pain threw me back into my chair. I never had the opportunity to tell him my full PVPS story prior to his exam, although, I would have expected he would have read my chart prior to the exam. Anyway, he asked what the matter was and I was finally able to tell him to be a little more gentle as I have a ton of sensitivity down there.
So let's see now, that was Friday. I spent the rest of Friday night in pain but I didn't take anything except maybe some ibuprofen. Saturday and Sunday were improved. Monday was better and now today I'm blogging.
I read the book of Job in the Bible last night and finished up this morning. I've felt for some time now like Job, except the part about losing everything and being covered with boils. Okay, maybe I haven't exactly felt like Job, but I could certainly identify a little bit with his situation. Let me share what I learned.
1. I shouldn't blame God for my pain. I'll be honest. There have been times when I yelled at God. I realize now how stupid and arrogant that was. After all, I don't know where the east wind starts or where the hail is stored up. Only God knows. I am a sinner and God can't sin. I deserve death for my sin. God doesn't owe me a single thing.
2. I have a mediator between myself and God, something Job didn't have. I have Jesus to plead my case for me to the father in Heaven. That should and does give me hope.
3. I've been asking God to shape me into the man he wants me to be for quite a long time now. Perhaps, this pain is the only thing that will allow God to shape me. Maybe, I would be in a worse state, spiritually, if I hadn't been battling this condition or pain for so long. This could be God's way of getting the message through my thick skull.
4. I need to be thankful for all the blessings God gives me and if number 3 is correct, then I need to thank God for the pain too. I did that today in a prayer to God. I still can't believe it, but there I was speaking the words of gratitude to God.
5. I find it funny that I've always struggled with lust, sexual lust. I think most guys do. Some people would say it's natural, even healthy. But mine was a quiet obsession, as almost everything is sooner or later to me - I'm the definition of obsessive/compulsive. Lustful wanting is not healthy, for your spirit or your flesh. I think I finally get just how bad it is for you. So I find it ironic that I've spent most of my late adolescent and early adulthood caught up in lustful desires and now I've got pelvic pain related to a vasectomy.
So that is where I am today. I'm a broken and crushed man who is calling upon my Lord and Savior for help. I know he stands ready to heal my spirit and reconcile me to my God and Father. It's so wonderful to have mediator in Jesus. Where would we all be without him...dead in our sin with no hope. Praise God for his mercy and grace. His gift of salvation to us which we don't deserve. Thank you God. Amen.
Last Thursday night I had to take a hydrocodone because the pain was too intense. I went to an urgent care clinic the next day, (Friday) because I thought I might have had a hernia. I thought perhaps that is what was popping into my scrotum. Well, I saw the guy at the clinic and I dropped my trousers. I turned my head and coughed. I even bore down in my pelvic region like I was trying to pass a bowling ball. The guy looked up at me and said, "Nope, I'm not feeling anything down there".
He told me that my symptoms were classic hernia, but unless something 'gave' into my testicles, nobody would say I actually had a hernia. On a side note, when he positioned his fingers into place for the examination, the pain threw me back into my chair. I never had the opportunity to tell him my full PVPS story prior to his exam, although, I would have expected he would have read my chart prior to the exam. Anyway, he asked what the matter was and I was finally able to tell him to be a little more gentle as I have a ton of sensitivity down there.
So let's see now, that was Friday. I spent the rest of Friday night in pain but I didn't take anything except maybe some ibuprofen. Saturday and Sunday were improved. Monday was better and now today I'm blogging.
I read the book of Job in the Bible last night and finished up this morning. I've felt for some time now like Job, except the part about losing everything and being covered with boils. Okay, maybe I haven't exactly felt like Job, but I could certainly identify a little bit with his situation. Let me share what I learned.
1. I shouldn't blame God for my pain. I'll be honest. There have been times when I yelled at God. I realize now how stupid and arrogant that was. After all, I don't know where the east wind starts or where the hail is stored up. Only God knows. I am a sinner and God can't sin. I deserve death for my sin. God doesn't owe me a single thing.
2. I have a mediator between myself and God, something Job didn't have. I have Jesus to plead my case for me to the father in Heaven. That should and does give me hope.
3. I've been asking God to shape me into the man he wants me to be for quite a long time now. Perhaps, this pain is the only thing that will allow God to shape me. Maybe, I would be in a worse state, spiritually, if I hadn't been battling this condition or pain for so long. This could be God's way of getting the message through my thick skull.
4. I need to be thankful for all the blessings God gives me and if number 3 is correct, then I need to thank God for the pain too. I did that today in a prayer to God. I still can't believe it, but there I was speaking the words of gratitude to God.
5. I find it funny that I've always struggled with lust, sexual lust. I think most guys do. Some people would say it's natural, even healthy. But mine was a quiet obsession, as almost everything is sooner or later to me - I'm the definition of obsessive/compulsive. Lustful wanting is not healthy, for your spirit or your flesh. I think I finally get just how bad it is for you. So I find it ironic that I've spent most of my late adolescent and early adulthood caught up in lustful desires and now I've got pelvic pain related to a vasectomy.
So that is where I am today. I'm a broken and crushed man who is calling upon my Lord and Savior for help. I know he stands ready to heal my spirit and reconcile me to my God and Father. It's so wonderful to have mediator in Jesus. Where would we all be without him...dead in our sin with no hope. Praise God for his mercy and grace. His gift of salvation to us which we don't deserve. Thank you God. Amen.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Not Much Has Changed
As you can tell by my title, I'm pretty status quo. I have pain, I don't have pain, I take tylenol, I cope, I hurt, I feel sorry for myself. It's a regular day at Disney World.
I bought one of those inflatable donuts to sit on. It helps me sit on hard surfaces better.
My wife and I were close last week after a real long time off. I found out she was afraid to be with me because she thought she might hurt me. I was having a lot of pain before we were together. Now I'm having a lot of pain afterwards. So I don't think ejaculations really affect me one way or another. Although, I could be wrong. I might be better to say, it didn't affect me this last time.
I spoke to my pain mentor a couple days ago. It was good to hear his voice. He provided some more insight, as usual. He's really helped me a lot.
Lately I've been considering a nerve surgery. It is supposed to deaden the nerves so you don't feel the pain anymore. But someone on the forum had an injection (which would be the preliminary step to the surgery) and now he has more pain than before the injection.
So I guess I am what I am. I probably won't have anymore surgeries, Lord willing. Also Lord willing, I hope I'll be able to have less pain. But it's been over a year now and that just doesn't seem like it's going to be a reality. But the Lord can heal me and make it easier. He's done it before. I would love it if he would do it for me. Wouldn't we all!
God does get me through the days though. I thank him for that. I hate having PVPS. I wish I had never had a vasectomy. But you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, can you? So I'll just keep relying on Jesus and coping and dealing. I guess that's it for now.
Peace be with you and yours. May God bless you.
I bought one of those inflatable donuts to sit on. It helps me sit on hard surfaces better.
My wife and I were close last week after a real long time off. I found out she was afraid to be with me because she thought she might hurt me. I was having a lot of pain before we were together. Now I'm having a lot of pain afterwards. So I don't think ejaculations really affect me one way or another. Although, I could be wrong. I might be better to say, it didn't affect me this last time.
I spoke to my pain mentor a couple days ago. It was good to hear his voice. He provided some more insight, as usual. He's really helped me a lot.
Lately I've been considering a nerve surgery. It is supposed to deaden the nerves so you don't feel the pain anymore. But someone on the forum had an injection (which would be the preliminary step to the surgery) and now he has more pain than before the injection.
So I guess I am what I am. I probably won't have anymore surgeries, Lord willing. Also Lord willing, I hope I'll be able to have less pain. But it's been over a year now and that just doesn't seem like it's going to be a reality. But the Lord can heal me and make it easier. He's done it before. I would love it if he would do it for me. Wouldn't we all!
God does get me through the days though. I thank him for that. I hate having PVPS. I wish I had never had a vasectomy. But you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, can you? So I'll just keep relying on Jesus and coping and dealing. I guess that's it for now.
Peace be with you and yours. May God bless you.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
One Year Vasectomy Reversal Anniversary
It was one year ago yesterday, that I had my vasectomy reversed for congestive epididymitis. I haven't had that problem since then, thank the Lord, but I have had nerve pain. People on the vasectomy pain forum think my nerves became hyperactivated after my reversal surgery. Apparently that can happen. Nobody told me that was a risk for the reversal surgery.
I thought I was having this nerve pain because the old vasectomy scar tissue was not cleaned out, so when my body healed, I developed more scar tissue which involved my nerves some how. But I doubt I'll ever really know why I have nerve pain.
Perhaps, I'll have targeted denervation to give me permanent pain relief. But there are even risks with that. So, I think I'll just keep the status quo. I've been taking tylenol quite a bit this last week to help with the right sided inguinal nerve pain.
It seems like since I posted that my nerve pain had improved and I wouldn't be adding to my blog anymore, I've had more pain than before. So, who knows what the future holds. I keep praying and hoping that Jesus will just come back and take me and others out of our pain. That would be pretty cool. But I guess there are still people who don't know Jesus as their savior yet, so he's probably delaying his return so more people will come to accept him as their Lord. I guess the pain I feel is an okay sacrifice, if it means more people will have their souls saved.
After all, that's what Christmas is really about. I mean, why would you celebrate Christmas, give gifts to people, if you didn't believe in the birth of Jesus, God's gift to us, as savior of the world? Sorry to digress, but again, it is my blog, so I suppose I'm allowed a degree of lattitude here.
I still don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Jesus in my life. So, thank you God for sending your only son to pay the price for my sin. I don't deserve the gift, but you gave it anyway. So thanks. Merry Christmas.
I thought I was having this nerve pain because the old vasectomy scar tissue was not cleaned out, so when my body healed, I developed more scar tissue which involved my nerves some how. But I doubt I'll ever really know why I have nerve pain.
Perhaps, I'll have targeted denervation to give me permanent pain relief. But there are even risks with that. So, I think I'll just keep the status quo. I've been taking tylenol quite a bit this last week to help with the right sided inguinal nerve pain.
It seems like since I posted that my nerve pain had improved and I wouldn't be adding to my blog anymore, I've had more pain than before. So, who knows what the future holds. I keep praying and hoping that Jesus will just come back and take me and others out of our pain. That would be pretty cool. But I guess there are still people who don't know Jesus as their savior yet, so he's probably delaying his return so more people will come to accept him as their Lord. I guess the pain I feel is an okay sacrifice, if it means more people will have their souls saved.
After all, that's what Christmas is really about. I mean, why would you celebrate Christmas, give gifts to people, if you didn't believe in the birth of Jesus, God's gift to us, as savior of the world? Sorry to digress, but again, it is my blog, so I suppose I'm allowed a degree of lattitude here.
I still don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Jesus in my life. So, thank you God for sending your only son to pay the price for my sin. I don't deserve the gift, but you gave it anyway. So thanks. Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Why Won't This Go Away - A Prayer
So I was feeling better, over a goodly period of time...probably a couple of weeks. I thought my blogging about post vasectomy pain syndrome might be coming to a quiet end. Then something happened. I'm not sure what it was, but it has been bad ever since. Last Thursday or Friday, I went to walk on the treadmill as I was feeling better. I only stretched out my hamstrings, which never seems to trigger my scrotal/inguinal pain. But while I was stretching, I decided to do try the pec-deck. I didn't use very much weight, in fact, it was so easy of an exercise, I felt kind of foolish even doing it. I didn't feel anything straining at all.
Well, the next morning, I was feeling a very strange pain in my right inguinal area. Yep, another NEW pain, almost 12 months post reversal. This one hurt like nothing ever else has. The pain was both hurtful and bothersome, because it brought fear with it. Real fear. Like get on your knees and pray to God kind of fear.
I couldn't sleep very well. Every time I would lay on my side, the pain would be to excruciating. Rate it about a 5-6 that, if I didn't return to lay on my back, would have continued to escalate to some number much higher. At 6:30, I got up and sat down on the sofa and tried to adjust the pillows so I was reclining. That seemed to help and I was able to get to sleep. I felt better in the morning, but not by much. The fear was still gripping and the pain was still reminding me it was there. I took some Tylenol, hoping for the best.
Well, now it's Sunday night and the pain is not as intense or frequent, but it is still there. A new twinge to be sure. But there's something about this one that scares me. I've prayed to God about it and I just don't know what to make of it. It almost feels like my mesh (from my 20 year old inguinal surgery) is coming loose or ripping away.
Needless to say, I'm a little shell shocked. I'm trying to forget it and focus on Christmas, reading a new book, praying, etc. But in the back of my mind, I have this fear. Even now as I type, my inguinal area on my left side is starting to feel very similar to the right side from a couple days ago.
I don't think the new exercise had anything to do with the pain. But perhaps I'm walking too fast on the treadmill? Next time I walk, I'm going to try to slow it down a bit. See if that doesn't help. I'm also not going to lift anything heavy or strain or squat. I need to keep moving, keep living, I can't just shut it down, even though that's what my mind is telling me to do. My whole life has been about shutting down when the pain became too intense or the trouble seemed to insurmountable. I know I can't do it this time.
This seems to be the lesson God is trying to teach me lately. "Don't shut down, keep plugging away. Life goes on and I have work for you to do." Now what that work is exactly, I'm still not sure. But I can't just implode, withdraw from the family or my faith. God loves me and my family loves me. I can't let this pain keep me from being available to them. Funny how pain makes you shut down. Yet I see football players play with cracked ribs, sprained knees, etc. and they're just plugging away. What makes them persevere when adversity and pain strikes, while I (and others, I'm sure) simply crater?
God, please help me to have strength. Please give me wisdom and understanding. I've prayed for this pain to go away, and it has gotten better, overall. I praise you for that. Yet, here I am with new pains and new fears. Build my faith and help me to trust you, even when the pain gets extreme. Help my unbelief. Help me to live for you, despite having this thorn in my flesh. I pray your will be done and your name be glorified because of what I'm going through. I know my strength is lacking, I want to succumb to the fear, to withdraw from everything and everyone...to feel sorry for myself. No one would blame me. But help me to put those days behind me. Grant me new life and joy. Fill me with joy I pray. Fill me with zest for life and the ability to cope and move past what I fear I cannot move past. Remove the fear and replace it with joy. Joy in your son, Jesus the christ. My savior and Lord. Thank you God, thank you. Amen
Well, the next morning, I was feeling a very strange pain in my right inguinal area. Yep, another NEW pain, almost 12 months post reversal. This one hurt like nothing ever else has. The pain was both hurtful and bothersome, because it brought fear with it. Real fear. Like get on your knees and pray to God kind of fear.
I couldn't sleep very well. Every time I would lay on my side, the pain would be to excruciating. Rate it about a 5-6 that, if I didn't return to lay on my back, would have continued to escalate to some number much higher. At 6:30, I got up and sat down on the sofa and tried to adjust the pillows so I was reclining. That seemed to help and I was able to get to sleep. I felt better in the morning, but not by much. The fear was still gripping and the pain was still reminding me it was there. I took some Tylenol, hoping for the best.
Well, now it's Sunday night and the pain is not as intense or frequent, but it is still there. A new twinge to be sure. But there's something about this one that scares me. I've prayed to God about it and I just don't know what to make of it. It almost feels like my mesh (from my 20 year old inguinal surgery) is coming loose or ripping away.
Needless to say, I'm a little shell shocked. I'm trying to forget it and focus on Christmas, reading a new book, praying, etc. But in the back of my mind, I have this fear. Even now as I type, my inguinal area on my left side is starting to feel very similar to the right side from a couple days ago.
I don't think the new exercise had anything to do with the pain. But perhaps I'm walking too fast on the treadmill? Next time I walk, I'm going to try to slow it down a bit. See if that doesn't help. I'm also not going to lift anything heavy or strain or squat. I need to keep moving, keep living, I can't just shut it down, even though that's what my mind is telling me to do. My whole life has been about shutting down when the pain became too intense or the trouble seemed to insurmountable. I know I can't do it this time.
This seems to be the lesson God is trying to teach me lately. "Don't shut down, keep plugging away. Life goes on and I have work for you to do." Now what that work is exactly, I'm still not sure. But I can't just implode, withdraw from the family or my faith. God loves me and my family loves me. I can't let this pain keep me from being available to them. Funny how pain makes you shut down. Yet I see football players play with cracked ribs, sprained knees, etc. and they're just plugging away. What makes them persevere when adversity and pain strikes, while I (and others, I'm sure) simply crater?
God, please help me to have strength. Please give me wisdom and understanding. I've prayed for this pain to go away, and it has gotten better, overall. I praise you for that. Yet, here I am with new pains and new fears. Build my faith and help me to trust you, even when the pain gets extreme. Help my unbelief. Help me to live for you, despite having this thorn in my flesh. I pray your will be done and your name be glorified because of what I'm going through. I know my strength is lacking, I want to succumb to the fear, to withdraw from everything and everyone...to feel sorry for myself. No one would blame me. But help me to put those days behind me. Grant me new life and joy. Fill me with joy I pray. Fill me with zest for life and the ability to cope and move past what I fear I cannot move past. Remove the fear and replace it with joy. Joy in your son, Jesus the christ. My savior and Lord. Thank you God, thank you. Amen
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I'm Having Pain in My Groin In the Morning
As I got out of the shower this morning, I had an observation about this last week. When I first get up and until I get dressed, my right inguinal area has a lot of referred pain - up into my abdomen and down into my scrotum. Then, I get dressed, eat breakfast and I suddenly notice the referred pain is gone.
It's like having an aching back, of which I also have. Sometimes it just hurts to get out of bed. Well, I think my nerve pain is developing a similar pattern, at least this week anyway. I still have some referred pain on the right side throughout the day, kind of off and on. Yesterday, I actually had one of those "normal" days, where I didn't notice my groin or scrotum at all, until I thought about it before bed.
My hope is that I'll have one of those moments after about 2 weeks of no pain. Like, "wow, it's been two weeks since I even thought about vasectomies, or nerve pain or blogging about vasectomies and nerve pain.
Speaking of blogging, I think I'll be blogging a little less often. I know this is supposed to be an online daily journal, but there is less to blog about these days...Thank God! Plus, doing homeschool with the kids is becoming a full time vocation and there just isn't a lot of time to get on the computer. I'd rather spend time with the kids, you know!
But, I'll try to blog at least twice a week so I can keep a somewhat acurate journal of my pains and progress. My one year anniversary from my vasectomy reversal which caused all this mess is coming up in December. Wouldn't it be great if the Lord saw to it that I was completely pain free by then? That would be just terrific. But, in his time and according to his purposes.
Who knows, maybe he wants me to keep getting the message out to not have vasectomies, so therefore, I'll keep having pain and thus, keep blogging frequently. Or maybe he's using me to show other people how he can help them through pain, like he's helped me. It's hard to tell when you're just a mere mortal. His ways are certainly not our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Humm...nothing truer could be said, huh?
So now we're about to head off to church where I get to worship with other believers. It's nice to know that Jesus is my Lord. That he would suffer all that stuff, just for me. And because he suffered, he knows what I'm going through. Praise be to God! Have a blessed day and trust our Lord Jesus, I know you won't be disappointed.
It's like having an aching back, of which I also have. Sometimes it just hurts to get out of bed. Well, I think my nerve pain is developing a similar pattern, at least this week anyway. I still have some referred pain on the right side throughout the day, kind of off and on. Yesterday, I actually had one of those "normal" days, where I didn't notice my groin or scrotum at all, until I thought about it before bed.
My hope is that I'll have one of those moments after about 2 weeks of no pain. Like, "wow, it's been two weeks since I even thought about vasectomies, or nerve pain or blogging about vasectomies and nerve pain.
Speaking of blogging, I think I'll be blogging a little less often. I know this is supposed to be an online daily journal, but there is less to blog about these days...Thank God! Plus, doing homeschool with the kids is becoming a full time vocation and there just isn't a lot of time to get on the computer. I'd rather spend time with the kids, you know!
But, I'll try to blog at least twice a week so I can keep a somewhat acurate journal of my pains and progress. My one year anniversary from my vasectomy reversal which caused all this mess is coming up in December. Wouldn't it be great if the Lord saw to it that I was completely pain free by then? That would be just terrific. But, in his time and according to his purposes.
Who knows, maybe he wants me to keep getting the message out to not have vasectomies, so therefore, I'll keep having pain and thus, keep blogging frequently. Or maybe he's using me to show other people how he can help them through pain, like he's helped me. It's hard to tell when you're just a mere mortal. His ways are certainly not our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Humm...nothing truer could be said, huh?
So now we're about to head off to church where I get to worship with other believers. It's nice to know that Jesus is my Lord. That he would suffer all that stuff, just for me. And because he suffered, he knows what I'm going through. Praise be to God! Have a blessed day and trust our Lord Jesus, I know you won't be disappointed.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Thoughts About a Life Filled With Chronic Pain
"Hey, turn that frown upside down!". I can still hear those words spoken to me by my 1st grade elementary school teacher, almost 38 years ago. What's another idiom, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Those are great sayings. They designed to help you get out of the bad mood you're in. I find that bad moods can be a comforting blanket you wear when you have chronic daily pain. After all, who can blame you? You're in pain all the time or at least severe pain part of the time. You have every right to be blue and regretful. But being sad, angry or dispondent doesn't do you any good now does it?
Trust me, I've felt all those things. But I'm realizing that you can't let it - the pain - tell you how to live your life. I've had lots of well intentioned people try to help me understand that. When I heard them, all I really heards was "blah, blah, blah". Because they didn't know what I was going through. The only person who really helped me, and I mean - REALLY - was my buddy from my old church. The one I went to before we moved up here to the pacific northwest. Seeing him deal with his pain, was inspiring. But even then, I still was only making baby steps torward this idea. I think that is just something you kind of have to get to yourself.
I believe I am finally gettting to the point now where I see that I can still have a fruitful and abundent life, in spite of my circumstances. My faith in Jesus has helped me with this growth. Just knowing that he's there for me on a moment by moment basis; very reassuring and comforting.
I've had a busy moring with little sitting so my report is a good one. My right groin is a little sore, but I think it's actually from walking yesterday and is a muscular type of pain. Wow, what a switch. It is still tender, but in a good way - if that makes any sense.
Trust me, I've felt all those things. But I'm realizing that you can't let it - the pain - tell you how to live your life. I've had lots of well intentioned people try to help me understand that. When I heard them, all I really heards was "blah, blah, blah". Because they didn't know what I was going through. The only person who really helped me, and I mean - REALLY - was my buddy from my old church. The one I went to before we moved up here to the pacific northwest. Seeing him deal with his pain, was inspiring. But even then, I still was only making baby steps torward this idea. I think that is just something you kind of have to get to yourself.
I believe I am finally gettting to the point now where I see that I can still have a fruitful and abundent life, in spite of my circumstances. My faith in Jesus has helped me with this growth. Just knowing that he's there for me on a moment by moment basis; very reassuring and comforting.
I've had a busy moring with little sitting so my report is a good one. My right groin is a little sore, but I think it's actually from walking yesterday and is a muscular type of pain. Wow, what a switch. It is still tender, but in a good way - if that makes any sense.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
My Vasectomy Pain Testimony
I sit here thinking about what has helped my pain the most and it's an easy runaway. But before I reveal this, I need to get the business of journaling my pain out of the way. Yesterday was okay, despite mowing the lawn the day before. That really caused a lot of strain Tuesday night. But like I said, yesterday was good. I had a little pain when I did a lot of prolonged standing. And I didn't get my walk in which probably didn't help. But today I plan to walk. I am having that little spasm feeling behind my right testicle again today. So I don't think my bad cycle is quite over yet, but Lord willing, I'll get through this. Day by day, prayer by prayer.
Okay, now you may not agree with me on this and you may think I'm an ignorant so-and-so for saying this...but God has truly helped me the most. It seems like the older I get the more I realize how much I need him in my life. I don't want to get preachy, rather, I just want to explain how I've been able to deal with all this "stuff" in my life.
If there wasn't any hope for something better, then I would probably just go crazy. I would be consumed by "self", which is never a good thing. I've learned that the hard way over my lifetime. But having an eternal perspective coupled with real life experiences with God, makes one realize that his presence is very real; despite the naysayers.
I heard it put this way before: when a hunting dog is on point, he is the only one that knows the bird is in the bush over there. The hunters can't see the bird because the brambles are too thick and dense. But just because everyone else can't see it, it doesn't mean the bird isn't there. Because the dog is in tune with the bird and knows how to sense it. So the hunters instruct the dog to flush the bird so then everyone can see it.
That's how I feel with my faith. I feel like I'm in company with a bunch of other people who are in tune with the creator of the universe. We've adjusted our senses to see the signs and experience his presence. But we live with a bunch of other people who aren't tuned in and just think we're barking up the wrong tree. That doesn't make them bad people, just not tuned in people.
Well, I have had tons of experiences with God to know he's real. Everything from relationships to work. Even our move to the NW was filled with things that only God could work out. Despite my pain, I know he's there for me. To comfort me and lift me up. Trust me, there are days when I'm not sure I want to be comforted, but there he is anyway.
So if you want to know how I deal with all this pain and anguish, it's simply knowing that I have a loving God who cares for me. So much that he sent his only son, Jesus, to take my punishment for all the bad stuff I've done. The grace and love and mercy I've been shown by God is unbelievable.
I wasn't going to blog about this particular subject today, I was going to blog about vitamins, but it just seemed like maybe there is someone out there who needs to hear this. So if you are that one, remember God loves you. Jesus loves you. You will get through this. Maybe not the way you'd like or the way you hope, but you'll get through it. All courtesy of the Lord above who is just waiting for you to be tuned in to ask him for help.
Okay, now you may not agree with me on this and you may think I'm an ignorant so-and-so for saying this...but God has truly helped me the most. It seems like the older I get the more I realize how much I need him in my life. I don't want to get preachy, rather, I just want to explain how I've been able to deal with all this "stuff" in my life.
If there wasn't any hope for something better, then I would probably just go crazy. I would be consumed by "self", which is never a good thing. I've learned that the hard way over my lifetime. But having an eternal perspective coupled with real life experiences with God, makes one realize that his presence is very real; despite the naysayers.
I heard it put this way before: when a hunting dog is on point, he is the only one that knows the bird is in the bush over there. The hunters can't see the bird because the brambles are too thick and dense. But just because everyone else can't see it, it doesn't mean the bird isn't there. Because the dog is in tune with the bird and knows how to sense it. So the hunters instruct the dog to flush the bird so then everyone can see it.
That's how I feel with my faith. I feel like I'm in company with a bunch of other people who are in tune with the creator of the universe. We've adjusted our senses to see the signs and experience his presence. But we live with a bunch of other people who aren't tuned in and just think we're barking up the wrong tree. That doesn't make them bad people, just not tuned in people.
Well, I have had tons of experiences with God to know he's real. Everything from relationships to work. Even our move to the NW was filled with things that only God could work out. Despite my pain, I know he's there for me. To comfort me and lift me up. Trust me, there are days when I'm not sure I want to be comforted, but there he is anyway.
So if you want to know how I deal with all this pain and anguish, it's simply knowing that I have a loving God who cares for me. So much that he sent his only son, Jesus, to take my punishment for all the bad stuff I've done. The grace and love and mercy I've been shown by God is unbelievable.
I wasn't going to blog about this particular subject today, I was going to blog about vitamins, but it just seemed like maybe there is someone out there who needs to hear this. So if you are that one, remember God loves you. Jesus loves you. You will get through this. Maybe not the way you'd like or the way you hope, but you'll get through it. All courtesy of the Lord above who is just waiting for you to be tuned in to ask him for help.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Vitamins and Nerve Pain and a Prayer
More of the same. The bad cycle continues to makes its prescence felt, in spades! Yesterday, the pain was so intense, it buckled my knees, literally. Every time the pain hit, it rated a 9 on the 1-10 pain scale, with 10 being the worst imaginable pain. It was coming from inside my scrotum on the right, behind the teste, where that dreaded burning sensation resides. The pain came in waves and was unbearable. I eventually took a hot bath and a tylenol before I went to bed.
The inguinal nerve pain was persistent yesterday and today. The highly rated pain hasn't hit yet today - thank you Jesus! However, the pain I am having isn't hitting me and then going away. It's sticking around. I haven't taken any pain meds today. I did walk though. I'm covering about 2 miles in thirty minutes, or 4 mph. My heartrate gets up to about 120, which is a good aerobic spot for me. I did feel some pulling down below while I was walking though. I also felt fairly winded, more so than normal.
I just finished dinner and I think I'll take another hot bath and tylenol. As my mentor told me, you got to get ahead of the pain when using medications. We'll see what happens.
I'm curious if my activity yesterday had anything to do with the severity of my pain. I threw a nerf football around the front yard with my boy for about 20 minutes. I noticed the twisting motion in my torso when I would throw the ball. I'm curious if that twisting motion contributed to the pain? I know aggressive stretching of my torso will increase my pain levels, but I didn't think this twisting would.
I read today about how vitamins may help nerve function and repair. The experts, whomever they are, say that Vitamin C, E, B6 and B12 might be beneficial for those with nerve pain. So I took a multi-vitamin today. I know a lot of guys in the support group take vitamins. I guess I'll try the vitamins for the nerve pain and see if there is any help. I'll give it a good couple of weeks and report back on the blog.
My wife stops working her 10 hours shifts this week. Yea!! Now maybe I'll see her more at night. And...maybe she'll be less tired, if you know what I mean. Perhaps I'm not having enough intimate times with her. The guys on the support group say those with reversals should be having 2 ejaculations per week. I'm averaging 1 per 3 weeks since we moved up here. I've thought a lot about just taking things into my own hands, in that area, but I'm conflicted about that. As strange as it sounds, I even prayed about that this morning. I asked God if I should masturbate to see if that helped to alleviate the pain. I didn't feel convicted to do it, so I didn't. I am hopeful that my natural relationship with my wife will begin to tic up a bit now that her hours are going to be more normal.
Sorry for the long post. But lots going on in my brain and prayer life right now. Have a lot of stuff to sort through. Lord willing, he'll guide me and help me like he has so far. It's easy to forget about God when things are going great and then demand miracles when things go bad. Like my mentor told me, I need to be more level-minded both emotionally and spiritually.
When my pain goes away for a day or so, I begin to think, "hey, I'm healed. I've got no worries because this thing is behind me now." Then I have a day or two like yesterday and I remember how sucky this syndrome is.
Lord God, continue to be with me in the good and bad times. Help me to continously rely on your word to get me through the difficult times. I know you love me and want the best for me. Please use this syndrome for your glory and may I some how shine your light in my life as I deal with this. Grant me good days, I pray and make the bad days, not so bad. Help the other guys who have this problem too. May you be sought during their desperate times and may they find you not lacking in mercy and grace. May the peace of Jesus be with us all and may you remain our King and Lord. Amen.
The inguinal nerve pain was persistent yesterday and today. The highly rated pain hasn't hit yet today - thank you Jesus! However, the pain I am having isn't hitting me and then going away. It's sticking around. I haven't taken any pain meds today. I did walk though. I'm covering about 2 miles in thirty minutes, or 4 mph. My heartrate gets up to about 120, which is a good aerobic spot for me. I did feel some pulling down below while I was walking though. I also felt fairly winded, more so than normal.
I just finished dinner and I think I'll take another hot bath and tylenol. As my mentor told me, you got to get ahead of the pain when using medications. We'll see what happens.
I'm curious if my activity yesterday had anything to do with the severity of my pain. I threw a nerf football around the front yard with my boy for about 20 minutes. I noticed the twisting motion in my torso when I would throw the ball. I'm curious if that twisting motion contributed to the pain? I know aggressive stretching of my torso will increase my pain levels, but I didn't think this twisting would.
I read today about how vitamins may help nerve function and repair. The experts, whomever they are, say that Vitamin C, E, B6 and B12 might be beneficial for those with nerve pain. So I took a multi-vitamin today. I know a lot of guys in the support group take vitamins. I guess I'll try the vitamins for the nerve pain and see if there is any help. I'll give it a good couple of weeks and report back on the blog.
My wife stops working her 10 hours shifts this week. Yea!! Now maybe I'll see her more at night. And...maybe she'll be less tired, if you know what I mean. Perhaps I'm not having enough intimate times with her. The guys on the support group say those with reversals should be having 2 ejaculations per week. I'm averaging 1 per 3 weeks since we moved up here. I've thought a lot about just taking things into my own hands, in that area, but I'm conflicted about that. As strange as it sounds, I even prayed about that this morning. I asked God if I should masturbate to see if that helped to alleviate the pain. I didn't feel convicted to do it, so I didn't. I am hopeful that my natural relationship with my wife will begin to tic up a bit now that her hours are going to be more normal.
Sorry for the long post. But lots going on in my brain and prayer life right now. Have a lot of stuff to sort through. Lord willing, he'll guide me and help me like he has so far. It's easy to forget about God when things are going great and then demand miracles when things go bad. Like my mentor told me, I need to be more level-minded both emotionally and spiritually.
When my pain goes away for a day or so, I begin to think, "hey, I'm healed. I've got no worries because this thing is behind me now." Then I have a day or two like yesterday and I remember how sucky this syndrome is.
Lord God, continue to be with me in the good and bad times. Help me to continously rely on your word to get me through the difficult times. I know you love me and want the best for me. Please use this syndrome for your glory and may I some how shine your light in my life as I deal with this. Grant me good days, I pray and make the bad days, not so bad. Help the other guys who have this problem too. May you be sought during their desperate times and may they find you not lacking in mercy and grace. May the peace of Jesus be with us all and may you remain our King and Lord. Amen.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
In a Good Way - Thanks Be to God
I hate to even say this, but I'm in a pretty good way. It's like when you walk in on your favorite sports team and you discover they're winning the game, so you leave real quick because you don't want to jinx them; yeah, kind of like that. But in this case, I feel like this good way is because of the Lord. Why? Well, let me tell you.
I have really felt this strong desire to walk. I normally don't have strong desires for stuff. The only times I ever get them is when the Lord is nudging me along. It seems like the walking has really helped me with my pain and my overall confidence. I've known that it would probably help in the past, but I still didn't do it. So even though I don't want to say that I'm in a good cycle right now with my PVPS, I have to give credit where credit is due.
I'm doing this mens' study right now that is talking about prayer. Kind of weird, usually those prayer studies are for the women, but I have to say, I've been especially touched by the message thus far. I think I take prayer for granted when things are going well. I think everyone does. So, I'm going to start praying all the time.
Before I go any further though, here's my update. Today, I feel pretty good. A little twinge when I first get out of bed. Last night I felt pretty good too. We're going fishing today so I won't be able to walk per se'. But we'll probably hike a little bit to the fishing spot, which will be a good substitute. I may still walk tonight with the kids after dinner.
Lord God, I want to praise you for helping me to start a walking program. I know I couldn't have done it without you. You are my inspiration and my strength. You comfort me in my affliction and show me your mercies every day through Jesus, who washes my soul clean. Please be with those other men who suffer as well. Give them your comforting hand and help them to find ways to feel better. Lord God you are king in my life and maker of heaven and earth. Nobody is before you. You alone are God and to you I sing my praises. Amen.
I have really felt this strong desire to walk. I normally don't have strong desires for stuff. The only times I ever get them is when the Lord is nudging me along. It seems like the walking has really helped me with my pain and my overall confidence. I've known that it would probably help in the past, but I still didn't do it. So even though I don't want to say that I'm in a good cycle right now with my PVPS, I have to give credit where credit is due.
I'm doing this mens' study right now that is talking about prayer. Kind of weird, usually those prayer studies are for the women, but I have to say, I've been especially touched by the message thus far. I think I take prayer for granted when things are going well. I think everyone does. So, I'm going to start praying all the time.
Before I go any further though, here's my update. Today, I feel pretty good. A little twinge when I first get out of bed. Last night I felt pretty good too. We're going fishing today so I won't be able to walk per se'. But we'll probably hike a little bit to the fishing spot, which will be a good substitute. I may still walk tonight with the kids after dinner.
Lord God, I want to praise you for helping me to start a walking program. I know I couldn't have done it without you. You are my inspiration and my strength. You comfort me in my affliction and show me your mercies every day through Jesus, who washes my soul clean. Please be with those other men who suffer as well. Give them your comforting hand and help them to find ways to feel better. Lord God you are king in my life and maker of heaven and earth. Nobody is before you. You alone are God and to you I sing my praises. Amen.
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