In the Pit of Despair

One of our favorite movies is the "Princess Bride". In it the heroic lead is taken to the pit of despair. There he prepares to be tortured and relies on his own strength to get himself through the imminent pain. In the end, the pain wins and the scene cuts away with him crying. That's how I feel today.

I know my own strength is not sufficient, God seems to be teaching me that everyday. Only in him can I get through this desperate time. To say the least, I'm really bummed! I woke up this morning to a nocturnal admission. I don't like those, but always think that maybe an E.J. will help the pain. This morning, I took my shower and then sat down to start home school with the kids. I was sitting down for all of 15 minutes when I started to experience severe inguinal nerve pain on my left side. I stood up and started teaching - lecture style, pacing back and forth with a sure grimace on my face. I also took some tylenol.

When will this thing stabilize to the point where setbacks either occur months apart or won't be so intense? Someone asked me the other day if I regretted having the reversal. I told them no. But one solid week's worth of pain later, I might have to rethink that answer.

I've even debated having another surgery to "clean out" the scar tissue that I am sure is causing this nerve pain. But will a third surgery in my scrotum make things better, or just cause more scar tissue in the long run? I simply don't have the answer to that question. I'm not sure anyone does.

So I'm just praying and coping and hoping for the best.  

Getting Ready for Long Road Trip, Part Deaux

It's de ja vu all over again as I get the suitcases ready and the GPS/cell phones all charged up. It seems like just two weeks ago that I was doing this, but then I had to look forward (not really) to driving a rather large moving truck with car in tow some 2400 miles. This time it will be my family and a mini-van. A striking contrast.

We hope to make it more of a vacation than a long drive. We hope to see some sites along the way. Our friends that live in Denver have already planned on a cook-out. They'll be grilling up some steaks for us, the road wearie. I just hope my groin isn't flaring up.

These last two days have been pretty decent as far as pain or sensations go. I believe sitting on comfy sofas and recliners has a way of protecting those nerves down there. When I do get a sensation or pain, it doesn't last for very long.

My anxiousness is starting to ramp up a tick or two as the day goes on. I believe my anxiety level has a direct correlation with my PVPS. It seems the more anxious I am, the more weird pains I have. Then, the more pains I have, the more anxiety I get. A viscious cycle to say the least. But have no fear, Xanax to the rescue. I'm sure these will help my nerves (in more ways than one) as we travel across country.

So here's probably my last post until we get settled in our new home up north.

May the Lord continue to be with us as we embark on this new chapter of our life and may he get all the glory. I truly do hope and pray He'll continue to lead us and direct us, comfort us, heal us, and show us his mercy through his son Jesus Christ, all the days of our lives.