Not Much Has Changed

As you can tell by my title, I'm pretty status quo. I have pain, I don't have pain, I take tylenol, I cope, I hurt, I feel sorry for myself. It's a regular day at Disney World.

I bought one of those inflatable donuts to sit on. It helps me sit on hard surfaces better.

My wife and I were close last week after a real long time off. I found out she was afraid to be with me because she thought she might hurt me. I was having a lot of pain before we were together. Now I'm having a lot of pain afterwards. So I don't think ejaculations really affect me one way or another. Although, I could be wrong. I might be better to say, it didn't affect me this last time.

I spoke to my pain mentor a couple days ago. It was good to hear his voice. He provided some more insight, as usual. He's really helped me a lot.

Lately I've been considering a nerve surgery. It is supposed to deaden the nerves so you don't feel the pain anymore. But someone on the forum had an injection (which would be the preliminary step to the surgery) and now he has more pain than before the injection.

So I guess I am what I am. I probably won't have anymore surgeries, Lord willing. Also Lord willing, I hope I'll be able to have less pain. But it's been over a year now and that just doesn't seem like it's going to be a reality. But the Lord can heal me and make it easier. He's done it before. I would love it if he would do it for me. Wouldn't we all!

God does get me through the days though. I thank him for that. I hate having PVPS. I wish I had never had a vasectomy. But you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, can you? So I'll just keep relying on Jesus and coping and dealing. I guess that's it for now.

Peace be with you and yours. May God bless you.

Maybe I'm in a Bad Cycle

Well, I've been thinking the cold was responsible for my left sided racking pain. But today was a fairly warm day and my left side has felt racked almost all day. So, maybe this is just a bad cycle I'm in. Or maybe I've pushed it to much on the computer and have sat for too long. Or it could be because I carried two heavy boxes up the stairs yesterday.

But whatever it is, I'm hurting fairly good today and I'm none too happy about it. Add to this, my mentor back in Dallas is having some kind of knee pain, on top of his chronic back problems. I feel bad for him and hope he's able to get some relief quickly.

I hope to have some relief soon too. I did take some tylenol today, but I've noticed it doesn't help with this left sided racking pain. I believe only ibuprofen helps so I'll probably take some after dinner tonight. In the meantime, I've decided to join a gym so I can get on the treadmill for some exercise. I think, walking will help me also - but it's been too cold to walk outside lately.

My right side doesn't hurt, so that's a good thing. In fact, there have been no symptoms on my right side at all, since my left has been acting up. Interestingly, it seems to work that way. I only have pain on one side at a time, never on both at the same time - thank God.

Well, time to get out of this computer chair, so until next time.

Tips for Dealing With Vasectomy Nerve Pain

A lot of the people who read the forum/support group, all struggle with the same thing...what to do about their post vasectomy pain symptoms. Do they have a reversal, do they just try to manage, do they have their nerves deadened, do they have injections for the pain. These are all difficult decisions because so little is known about PVPS.

Experienced urologists may come across 1 or 2 patients in their lifetime who present with PVPS. This places those of us who suffer in a minority, where the patient typically knows more than the physician. But that is of little comfort in this case, because we can't just run out there and start doing research.

So we're left to fumble in the dark, looking for answers that we hope will come, but too often do not. Mistakes are sometimes compounded and pain is made worse. Sometimes your decision leads to a great success. We all hope for those successes.

But again, it doesn't really help us except to cause more confusion. Again, these patient reported results are too informal and wouldn't be considered medical science. So there we are, just groping for answers that will fit our unique situation. It also doesn't help having no clue why you have the pain in the first place. You assume there was nerve damage during surgery, but the doc doesn't think there was. So you try to trace down answers that are just not there. I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot. I guess you get the idea.

I am here struggling with what to do next. Paralyzed with the prospect of further surgery and just sitting idly by doing nothing. I would imagine a lot of people get this way when their health problems turn chronic and you're busy looking for answers.

Here is a list of things I've started in hopes of helping my situation.

1. Walking program
2. Sitting less at the computer
3. No stretching of my core muscles
4. No twisting in my torso
5. Sleeping with a pillow between and under my knees
6. Taking a multi-vitamin
7. Cut down on sugar - started this one today
8. Found a mentor to help my mental outlook
9. Started praying much more
10. Limit squatting and bending

There are probably other modifications to my lifestyle I've made, but these are the major ones I can think of quickly.

It's Good to Have a Mentor

Big Brothers knows it. Corporate gurus know it. Everyone should know it by now, having a mentor is a good thing. Even for those of us who suffer pain. I spoke to a gentlemen from my old church in Texas yesterday. He is the one who suffers level 7-8 pain every day. He's the one who told me that he doesn't remember what it was like to not feel pain. This has been going on for over 12-13 years. He's seen all the doctors, done all the home remedies and still he has no relief.

One day I went up to him with tears in my eyes and asked if I could talk to him about what I was going through. He immediately sat down and began listening to me, even though I could tell he was in two or three times the pain I was in. He counseled me for several weeks before we moved to the NW. He brought me out of a very dark place, one that he was all too familiar.

It was so good to speak with him yesterday. I told him how indebted I was to him, but he just told me we all need help and he was just glad to be someone who could help me. He's kind of like that, just very self-effacing, humble. But he knows what I'm going through, so you'll have to pardon this post as I go on and on about what a great guy John is.

Sometimes it helps to talk in person with someone who knows something about what you're going through. It also helps to talk to anyone, for that matter, but in particular a person who has experienced what you are personally experiencing. Online forums are great and all, but there is no substitute for this face to face interaction. In my case, there was just something about sitting across from someone who knows what pain is. Who knows how pain changes everything in your life. How you relate to your kids, wife, friends, self, etc.

I thank God for sending John into my life. I think he knew I needed someone before I left Texas. I still have a long way to go, obviously. But John was there again last night to help me. His familiar, calming, instructional voice giving me guidance and direction. He is my pain mentor. I know it sounds weird, but that is what he is.

So if anyone has pain and needs help, find someone at your church or someone who you know that has gone through what you are going through. You'll be amazed at how quickly the walls of solitude and isolation come down. It could be the most special non-family bond you've ever had.

My symptoms today are about the same. Just a little twinge on the left side, but nothing too serious. It's my 9 month vasectomy reversal anniversary today. We'll see how it goes. I didn't walk yesterday, but plan on it today. I've got a stye on my right bottom eyelid that is bothering me pretty good. I need to get that taken care of, probably with antibiotics. So, I'll be curious to see if that has any affect on my PVPS.