Summer Ends and Time Marches On

The new school year is once again upon us. I like times like this as they help to organize my year. Holidays, breaks from school, and birthdays are great signposts and reference points from which to measure the passing of time as it relates to life. For instance, I don't remember the exact day my dad past away, but I know it was about a week before Christmas. I don't remember the exact day we moved to Washington state (the second time), but I know it was during the Texas State Fair or roughly three weeks before Halloween.

So it is that I measure progress or pain with my PVPS. It was just as school let out in June when I was having a surprising, albeit brief, pain episode. Now here we are at the beginning of school and I've just realized that was my last bout of pain. That's almost three solid months with no pain, outside of a twinge here and there. Those twinges were brought on by moving boxes into our new home.

I told my wife that it is during times like this when I feel that I've been cured of my PVPS pain. That the reversal surgery did it's job. But since the pain was brought on by the reversal procedure, I'm not sure I can really say that. So why is my pain so much improved? Good question.

I think the Lord has done a lot to bring me relief. Do I believe he healed me from Heaven? Partly. But mostly I believe the Lord has helped me to live with the pain, to accept it and move beyond it. I could be having pain every day and I may just not be noticing it because I'm no longer hyperfocuced on my groin. Does that make sense?

It's like the more you notice something, the more you'll notice it. From an emotional and spiritual standpoint, I'm in a far better place. I no longer play the victim card. Life is too short and nobody likes being around that kind of person anyway. So yes, I believe I've been healed. And yes I believe I've been brought to a point where post vasectomy side effects are no longer my primary or even secondary concern.

It's kind of funny, but I just realized that I've been employed now since January of this year, right after New Years. In my job, I have to lift patients, squat and bend over, take the stairs frequently, and basically be an active individual. I used to be scared of how my body would react to the sudden workload. I didn't know how long I'd be able to work. Well, here I am (9 months later) and all seems to be going well. I can do my job without fear of the PVPS consequences.

That's it for my update, but for those courageous few who want to read on about how God has helped me, please read on.  

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I've said this on the blog before, but I feel extremely blessed by God. He has done so much in my life these last couple of years, I can't even begin to tell you. But take it from me, God is good. He answers prayers and listens with a father's heart. Give your fears and anxiety and pain to him and he'll make it better. Maybe not in the way you hope, but in a way that will glorify himself and blow you away.

One of the biggest things I've learned this last year is that God doesn't need me, but I sure need him...for absolutely everything in my life. Whether it be my job, health, relationships, finances, outlook, attitude, etc, I need him. Oh, I can get by on my own, but I'll just screw it up as always.

Funny, but God has always worked in my life and he is always working in yours, although you may not be able to see it. I certainly couldn't always see it and I'm a 'Christian'. But looking back in the reflection of my life, I see where my Lord Jesus was there for me. And it wasn't until I faithfully and honestly started praying for help (trusting Him), that I began to see his hand upon my life in real time.

I know this won't make sense to you if you don't believe that God sent Jesus. Perhaps if you are willing, you could read the Book of John in the bible (The 4th book in the New Testament). The first 5-6 chapters kind of talk about what I'm trying to say here.

Well, I guess that's about it. I just felt like I needed to say something in these last couple of paragraphs. Who knows, maybe God is trying to get your attention which is why you're here reading this now. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope this helps.

God bless.    

Treating the Pain Like Any Other Pain

Every once in a while, I think of the pain I have. Well, actually I think about it all the time, but what I mean to say is, I try to think about the pain like any other pain. For instance, what if I had chronic nerve pain in my arm or calf. Would I be as annoyed by it? Would it dominate the landscape of my life? Why can't I just think of it like it's an old sport injury from college?

I think the problem is because a sports injury is an acceptable part of the game. There's a chance you might end up with a twisted knee or high ankle sprain or worse. I never knew the world of PVPS even existed. The concept of chronic pain or inflammation was never explained to me when I made the decision to have the snip or the reversal. So it's hard to keep in the same frame of mind. But I try nonetheless.

What kills me about the nerve pain is that I got it after my reversal. So in a way, I feel like I made a bad decision on top of an already bad decision. Like throwing good money after bad. This is turn creates a certain degree of beating oneself up. Not the best place to be mentally considering all the other garbage going on.

Today, I find myself recovering from a Saturday hike in the woods. Like an idiot, I tried to move a small tree that was obstructing the path of our vehicle. My wife and kids helped me, but I gave it a good strain. (Another bad decision). Anyway, I didn't feel any pain then, but I did feel a little pull in my groin yesterday evening when we arrived home.

This morning, I'm back to wearing the athletic supporter. I keep getting breath-taking pains whenever my left testicle moves forward and up within my scrotum. I have taken it easy today - to say the least. I'll probably take an ibuprofen tonight and then reboot tomorrow with a gentle walk around the neighborhood.

I've also had right sided inguinal pains, but nothing to write home about. So it's been two relatively good weeks before I screwed it all up yesterday. That's one of the tough things, when you're not having pain, you think you can do all the stuff you used to be able to do. It's a subtle trap that catches you off guard, when you're not paying attention. Then "whammo" you do something stupid like try to move a log off the road.

But, in trying to keep a little perspective, like I talked about last time, I will read a little more in my Bible and pray a little more to God. I just found out that a lady was praying specifically for me all week long last week. Not surprisingly, I had one of my best weeks in a long, long time. Time to get back on my knees and go to the Lord for some more help.

No New is Good News

Today is over half way done and I've got nothing to blog about. Although, I was on the computer for a long time last night and I don't seem to be suffering any ill-effects. I guess that's good news. I know that during the summer, a couple hours of sitting would have killed me for a day or two, minimum.

So, no news is good news. Feeling okay. I did have a slight bit of nerve pain in my johnson yesterday, but it abated when I "repositioned" myself. It wasn't super painful, just uncomfortable, like a prostate exam, if you know what I mean.

I hope my future posts are as boring as this one. Then I'll know I would be making some progress.

Wife and I Test the Waters

We finally had our first relaxing weekend since moving to the NW. What I mean by that is we didn't have any activities planned and there wasn't really anything to do except just plow through the weekend. I had my bible study on Saturday morning and then we went shopping later on, had dinner out at Red Robin, then went home and put the kids to bed. Then my wife and I stayed up and talked, laughed and went to bed.

It had been a long time since my wife and I have been intimate - like 2 months. With the move and new job and all the stress, it just wasn't in the cards. But then there was last night. We were able to relax and settle in to our new life up here in the NW. It was kind of nice, like a new normal for our family, since leaving the hectic pace of Dallas, Texas. So my wife and I were able to reconnect last night. I was a little nervous, if you can believe it. But that was more about wondering whether my boys would be in pain afterwards. I have such a great run of good days lately, I thought having an E.J. might jeopardize that good streak.

Afterwards, I was a little sore down there. But the sensation passed. When I woke up this morning, I felt pretty good, except for a mild inguinal ache on the right side. It was short lived and went away after lunch.

Hopefully, things will continue to remain pain free and my wife and I can become a little more acquainted with each other in the coming days/weeks. It would be nice if we could. I love her dearly and have missed being with her in a close way. I always find our marriage is so much better when we are close, physically. I suppose it's the whole "the two shall be one" thing.

New Sensation Out of Nowhere

I'm now almost a full 10 months since my vasectomy reversal and I just had a new sensation/pain last night. My left teste felt "weird". Sorry, that's the best I can do to describe it. It only lasted about 1 minute and it didn't really hurt as much as it was kind of uncomfortable. But, that's all I have to report since my last post, so I'll take that as good news.

This cycle of feeling good has been wonderful. A nice departure from the bad part of the cycle. I hope it lasts a long time, but we'll see. I certainly don't want to get too high with how I'm feeling, because that just means I'll fall pretty far when I start having pain again.

My wife and I haven't been together yet, so I'm a little worrisome about what might happen when we do get together. Her work situation is calming down a lot and her hours are returning to a kind of normal now. So hopefully, she'll be less stressed out and we can return to our normal intimacy frequency. Again, we never set a lot of records in that area anyway. But this drought has been a little excessive - thanks to her new job.

Who knows, with the weekend coming up, maybe something nice will happen.

Milestone Reached: I'm Wearing Jeans Now

It's been almost ten full months since my vasectomy reversal and I'm just now getting to the point where I can wear jeans again, on a regular basis. Who would have thought it would take that long, huh? I wore jeans all weekend long on our camping trip and then again on Tuesday and now today. It's great, because I was getting tired of wearing basketball shorts everywhere. Plus, my legs are stone white and the glare was hurting everyone's eyes.

I'm having a really good cycle right now. No real pain or sensations yesterday or today. Of course, that could change at a moment's notice. I just keep praying that the pain will stay away. However, I'm also praying that I'll be able to cope with whatever pain I do end up experiencing.

Before I start leaving the wrong impression, let me state for the record that although I'm in a good cycle right now, there are probably some reasons why. My activity level is still limited. I still am not bending, stooping, squatting, stretching, running, climbing, jumping, lifting or anything else that may strain my core. So, although the pain is better right now, I am far from normal. However, my buddy from Texas would say that I am coping successfully.

Maybe next year I'll be blogging about how I've been able to do some of those activities. I pray that is the case.

Good Cycle On Its Way, I Hope

I hope I'm on the upswing now. I had my bad week or so and am ready for a good couple of weeks. But there is no predicting exactly what will take place. Who is to say the good cycle will only last a day or so. I hope I can have several days in a row of good days because we're about to go overnite camping. Our first time and I'd hate to be laid up with nerve pain the entire time. I'd like this experience to be a good one for the kids, you know. I don't want them worrying about their dad's "boo-boo" pain.

Yesterday was one of those days when I was feeling so good, that I kind of over did it. And by over doing it, I mean I sat at the computer a little too long. I'm sure I'll be paying for it today. I've already had a couple of twinges, thankfully, nothing too painful yet. But the apprehension I feel isn't very settling, if you know what I mean.

I've been very prayerful these last couple of weeks. That always gives me peace and hope. I've also been taking vitamins. I don't think they're helping a ton, but I do feel better since taking them. More like an overall feeling of more energy I guess. My mind seems sharper and I have more zip in my step.

I guess this is all I wanted to say today. I'll be back after our camping weekend to let you know how it went. I will be taking my tylenol with me just in case. Take care and until next time, may God bless you.

In a Good Way - Thanks Be to God

I hate to even say this, but I'm in a pretty good way. It's like when you walk in on your favorite sports team and you discover they're winning the game, so you leave real quick because you don't want to jinx them; yeah, kind of like that. But in this case, I feel like this good way is because of the Lord. Why? Well, let me tell you.

I have really felt this strong desire to walk. I normally don't have strong desires for stuff. The only times I ever get them is when the Lord is nudging me along. It seems like the walking has really helped me with my pain and my overall confidence. I've known that it would probably help in the past, but I still didn't do it. So even though I don't want to say that I'm in a good cycle right now with my PVPS, I have to give credit where credit is due.

I'm doing this mens' study right now that is talking about prayer. Kind of weird, usually those prayer studies are for the women, but I have to say, I've been especially touched by the message thus far. I think I take prayer for granted when things are going well. I think everyone does. So, I'm going to start praying all the time.

Before I go any further though, here's my update. Today, I feel pretty good. A little twinge when I first get out of bed. Last night I felt pretty good too. We're going fishing today so I won't be able to walk per se'. But we'll probably hike a little bit to the fishing spot, which will be a good substitute. I may still walk tonight with the kids after dinner.

Lord God, I want to praise you for helping me to start a walking program. I know I couldn't have done it without you. You are my inspiration and my strength. You comfort me in my affliction and show me your mercies every day through Jesus, who washes my soul clean. Please be with those other men who suffer as well. Give them your comforting hand and help them to find ways to feel better. Lord God you are king in my life and maker of heaven and earth. Nobody is before you. You alone are God and to you I sing my praises. Amen.