I think this title sums everything up rather well. I'm experiencing a new normal in my life with regards to my post vasectomy pain symptoms. The swelling I experienced last month is still present. The random aches and pains continue. Life still revolves, somewhat, around how I'm feeling down there.
Viewpoint has a lot to do with everything. Is your cup half empty or half full. What a difference your approach makes. I believe having 'a new normal' approach is most helpful to me. When I experience a change in my symptoms, I just tell myself, "No big deal, it's just a new normal". For whatever reason, that seems to work for me. It keeps me off the emotional roller-coaster of getting too high when things are great and too low when everything kind of sucks.
So here's my most recent update since last month...I still have swelling on my right side. I'm having inexplicable pains or spasms, radiating out from my right groin area which extend to my right thigh, buttocks, lower back and side. This seems to result from over activity involving too much standing. Tylenol seems to help this pain, as I took 1000 mgs last night with good results.
I have had a change in my cardiac medicine. I'm now off the Coreg, which was an alpha and beta blocker. Now I'm taking Metoprolol, which is only a beta blocker. I'm wondering if removing the 'alpha blocking' component with impact how I feel in my groin, as I think alpha blockers are sometimes prescribed for men with prostate/urine flow issues. We'll see.
Other than that, not much else has changed. For those inclined, here is a link to my book about my vasectomy experience.
Showing posts with label tylenol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tylenol. Show all posts
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The Pain Continues
This epididymitis continues on my right side. I've taken a couple of weeks worth of ibuprofen, mixed with some tylenol which has helped the day to day pain. However, I was hoping the swelling would go down a little bit more than it has.
Surprisingly, my wife and I have been intimate a few times since this began. I wasn't sure what would happen if I had an E.J. But, it doesn't appear to have made it worse and perhaps, it has helped a little bit (I'm not really sure, because of all the OTC pain meds I'm taking).
The real problem is when I have a day at work that involves a lot of sitting. Sitting is just a killer for me right now. Then again, so is standing for long periods of time (like when I umpired my son's 2-hr baseball game yesterday).
The pain in my scrotum definitely puts a damper on just about everything in my day. But I think I can tolerate it as long as it doesn't get any worse. Now the likelihood of it not getting worse is pretty slim, I know. But that is my approach now. If other people can live with chronic pain, then so can I. I don't like it, but what are you going to do...it's not like I have a lot of options at this point. More surgery is out of the question and I'm not taking anymore antibiotics or steroids. That just leaves prayer and living with it. Thankfully, Jesus gives me the strength and patience to do that. Again, I don't like this option, but as I said before, my options are pretty few and far between. At least this option has paid dividends and is more reliable than anything I have tried before.
So faith in a loving God and savior, along with my eternal perspective is all I have left. That should be enough for anyone.
Surprisingly, my wife and I have been intimate a few times since this began. I wasn't sure what would happen if I had an E.J. But, it doesn't appear to have made it worse and perhaps, it has helped a little bit (I'm not really sure, because of all the OTC pain meds I'm taking).
The real problem is when I have a day at work that involves a lot of sitting. Sitting is just a killer for me right now. Then again, so is standing for long periods of time (like when I umpired my son's 2-hr baseball game yesterday).
The pain in my scrotum definitely puts a damper on just about everything in my day. But I think I can tolerate it as long as it doesn't get any worse. Now the likelihood of it not getting worse is pretty slim, I know. But that is my approach now. If other people can live with chronic pain, then so can I. I don't like it, but what are you going to do...it's not like I have a lot of options at this point. More surgery is out of the question and I'm not taking anymore antibiotics or steroids. That just leaves prayer and living with it. Thankfully, Jesus gives me the strength and patience to do that. Again, I don't like this option, but as I said before, my options are pretty few and far between. At least this option has paid dividends and is more reliable than anything I have tried before.
So faith in a loving God and savior, along with my eternal perspective is all I have left. That should be enough for anyone.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Sharp Inguinal Pain
I developed a sharp inguinal pain on my right side Monday. This came after two days of working at the hospital. I recall having to help lift a patient up in bed on Saturday. I felt a little twinge down there, but hoped I hadn't done anything too bad. So I'm not sure if the pain I felt Monday and then Tuesday, was from that incident at the hospital or not.
It could just be time for that part of the "cycle" of pain when I hurt. I just don't know. I took some Tylenol last night and that seemed to help. I will try to be much more careful about lifting or repositioning patients in the future. I have a bad back too, so maybe I'll just tell the nurses that I can't help, because of my back. That is an easier way to explain it than having to go into the whole PVPS song and dance.
Other than that, it has been a long while since my wife and I have been intimate. Having a stressful job (for her) and then me getting the stomach bug, doesn't make for romantic times at our house. Hopefully, now that I'm working, I can take some of the stress off of her at her work which will help her be a little more happy and relaxed. Like I always say, "when momma isn't happy, nobody's happy".
On a side note, one of the nice things about working is that I don't have a lot of "sitting down" time. That is great. I do a lot of walking at my job and standing. It seems to be a nice balance, so I'm not doing too much of one thing for an extended period of time. That really seems to help my PVPS. I just have to remember not to lift those patients.
It could just be time for that part of the "cycle" of pain when I hurt. I just don't know. I took some Tylenol last night and that seemed to help. I will try to be much more careful about lifting or repositioning patients in the future. I have a bad back too, so maybe I'll just tell the nurses that I can't help, because of my back. That is an easier way to explain it than having to go into the whole PVPS song and dance.
Other than that, it has been a long while since my wife and I have been intimate. Having a stressful job (for her) and then me getting the stomach bug, doesn't make for romantic times at our house. Hopefully, now that I'm working, I can take some of the stress off of her at her work which will help her be a little more happy and relaxed. Like I always say, "when momma isn't happy, nobody's happy".
On a side note, one of the nice things about working is that I don't have a lot of "sitting down" time. That is great. I do a lot of walking at my job and standing. It seems to be a nice balance, so I'm not doing too much of one thing for an extended period of time. That really seems to help my PVPS. I just have to remember not to lift those patients.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Vasectomy Reversal Update - Two Year Anniversary
Merry Christmas to everyone! It has been 2 years since my vasectomy reversal. So I thought I'd provide an update as to where I am these days.
With regards to the inguinal knifing pain. I only get that pain if I have been sitting too long or have been inactive for days at a time. The pain usually registers at a 2-3 on a 1-10 pain scale (10 being intolerable). This pain is mostly bothersome, but rarely so painful that it prohibits me from doing anything. Tylenol seems to address this pain rather well.
What about the congestive or full feeling on my right side. It is hard to distinguish this pain from the knifing pain, since the knifing pain has dulled in the last year. However, the congestive pain seems more centered in my scrotum and radiates out into my inguinal area. Frequency of ejaculations (e.j.) seems to regulate this pain. It seems that if I have at least 2 e.j.'s per week, the pain doesn't ever bother me. I visualize my epididymis emptying regularly, and therefore, not allowing any build up of pressure, which causes the full sensation.
Interestingly, if my wife and I talk about plans to be intimate during the day only to have those plans fall through, I experience a significant up swell in pain. It doesn't feel like 'blue balls', but it is certainly a similar phenomenon. The knifing inguinal and congestive pain will both be present. It's like the anticipation of excitement does something at the physiologic level, which then creates the pain scenario.
The racking pain on my left side will come and go for the same reasons listed above, sitting and inactivity. Although, jumping (like when playing basketball) and lifting something over 15 pounds will cause this sensation to rear its ugly head. It king of feels like something is pushing into my scrotum, like a hernia maybe? However, I have had this checked and apparently I do not have a hernia. This pain registers the same 2-3 on a pain scale. Tylenol doesn't affect it though, only ibuprofen works.
Random burning sensations. These still come and go at random and are independent of any activity, as far as I can tell. I will get these in all areas of my nether region, from my scrotum, "johnson", inguinal area, etc. These are a little un-nerving, because they feel so weird. They range from sharp pains to burning, to spasm-like sensations to twinges. The pain can be anywhere from a 1-5 and don't really respond to pain medicine with just one exception. The johnson pain does respond to tylenol.
I find that lifestyle really makes a difference. The more active I am, the better. The more my mind is distracted, the better. As long as I remember my coping techniques and try not to behave like a 20-30 year old, I'm okay.
Independent of anything I've listed above, there does seem to be a cycle of pain. When the pain first struck, I remember having a few good days followed by a few bad. Then a week or two of good, followed by the same of bad. This cycle has progressively lengthened itself over the last two years. Most recently, I identified a cycle of good times lasting about 2 months, followed by a single bad week of pain. I am currently nearing the end of a two month good spell, so I should probably plan on something changing here pretty soon.
Lastly, I wanted to talk about what helps me. Sure tylenol and ibuprofen are good for the pain. Not sitting for long periods of time is helpful too. But the thing that helps me the most is my God. I'm sure many non-Christians are rolling their eyes at me right now. I would ask that you just hear me out.
Having this PVPS thing happen to me is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, I can see how God has used this to grow me. My outlook and perspective on life has all been sharpened as a result of this stupid syndrome. I would not be the man I am today, if it weren't for my PVPS (and I mean that in the best of ways). My faith is far stronger, my expectation that God will work in my life and the lives of others is higher, and I see how he is using this syndrome to allow me to help others; it's truly been a blessing.
Now it wasn't always like this. In fact, I had a night where I basically yelled to God (not at God) about all the bad stuff that was happening to me (PVPS). From that moment on, my pain lessened dramatically, my ability to cope magnified about 100 fold, my attitude immediately changed from victim to contentment. I'd love to say that it was all me; that I some how mustard-ed up the internal fortitude and changed everything overnight. But it wasn't me. I know the Lord worked something miraculous in my life that night. I'm not going to say he "healed me from Heaven". No, no, that would be a huge leap of faith that not even I could make. Rather, he just seemed to change me somehow.
I had been playing the victim role for so long, and that had to change or I would never be any good to God. I could no longer completely focus on myself, which is exactly what was happening. I was ignoring my wife and two young children; not to mention my community and church. I know I'm doing a poor job of explaining how the Lord God worked in my life, but read through my blog and you'll get the idea. Maybe some day I'll be able to clearly state it, but right now, I'm just so overjoyed to be where I am and feeling how I feel. I can't help but to praise my Lord and my God - especially as we celebrate the gift of his only son Jesus, who is the Christ, the one who shall save us from our sins.
So on that note, I'll wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope you find peace and everlasting joy.
With regards to the inguinal knifing pain. I only get that pain if I have been sitting too long or have been inactive for days at a time. The pain usually registers at a 2-3 on a 1-10 pain scale (10 being intolerable). This pain is mostly bothersome, but rarely so painful that it prohibits me from doing anything. Tylenol seems to address this pain rather well.
What about the congestive or full feeling on my right side. It is hard to distinguish this pain from the knifing pain, since the knifing pain has dulled in the last year. However, the congestive pain seems more centered in my scrotum and radiates out into my inguinal area. Frequency of ejaculations (e.j.) seems to regulate this pain. It seems that if I have at least 2 e.j.'s per week, the pain doesn't ever bother me. I visualize my epididymis emptying regularly, and therefore, not allowing any build up of pressure, which causes the full sensation.
Interestingly, if my wife and I talk about plans to be intimate during the day only to have those plans fall through, I experience a significant up swell in pain. It doesn't feel like 'blue balls', but it is certainly a similar phenomenon. The knifing inguinal and congestive pain will both be present. It's like the anticipation of excitement does something at the physiologic level, which then creates the pain scenario.
The racking pain on my left side will come and go for the same reasons listed above, sitting and inactivity. Although, jumping (like when playing basketball) and lifting something over 15 pounds will cause this sensation to rear its ugly head. It king of feels like something is pushing into my scrotum, like a hernia maybe? However, I have had this checked and apparently I do not have a hernia. This pain registers the same 2-3 on a pain scale. Tylenol doesn't affect it though, only ibuprofen works.
Random burning sensations. These still come and go at random and are independent of any activity, as far as I can tell. I will get these in all areas of my nether region, from my scrotum, "johnson", inguinal area, etc. These are a little un-nerving, because they feel so weird. They range from sharp pains to burning, to spasm-like sensations to twinges. The pain can be anywhere from a 1-5 and don't really respond to pain medicine with just one exception. The johnson pain does respond to tylenol.
I find that lifestyle really makes a difference. The more active I am, the better. The more my mind is distracted, the better. As long as I remember my coping techniques and try not to behave like a 20-30 year old, I'm okay.
Independent of anything I've listed above, there does seem to be a cycle of pain. When the pain first struck, I remember having a few good days followed by a few bad. Then a week or two of good, followed by the same of bad. This cycle has progressively lengthened itself over the last two years. Most recently, I identified a cycle of good times lasting about 2 months, followed by a single bad week of pain. I am currently nearing the end of a two month good spell, so I should probably plan on something changing here pretty soon.
Lastly, I wanted to talk about what helps me. Sure tylenol and ibuprofen are good for the pain. Not sitting for long periods of time is helpful too. But the thing that helps me the most is my God. I'm sure many non-Christians are rolling their eyes at me right now. I would ask that you just hear me out.
Having this PVPS thing happen to me is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, I can see how God has used this to grow me. My outlook and perspective on life has all been sharpened as a result of this stupid syndrome. I would not be the man I am today, if it weren't for my PVPS (and I mean that in the best of ways). My faith is far stronger, my expectation that God will work in my life and the lives of others is higher, and I see how he is using this syndrome to allow me to help others; it's truly been a blessing.
Now it wasn't always like this. In fact, I had a night where I basically yelled to God (not at God) about all the bad stuff that was happening to me (PVPS). From that moment on, my pain lessened dramatically, my ability to cope magnified about 100 fold, my attitude immediately changed from victim to contentment. I'd love to say that it was all me; that I some how mustard-ed up the internal fortitude and changed everything overnight. But it wasn't me. I know the Lord worked something miraculous in my life that night. I'm not going to say he "healed me from Heaven". No, no, that would be a huge leap of faith that not even I could make. Rather, he just seemed to change me somehow.
I had been playing the victim role for so long, and that had to change or I would never be any good to God. I could no longer completely focus on myself, which is exactly what was happening. I was ignoring my wife and two young children; not to mention my community and church. I know I'm doing a poor job of explaining how the Lord God worked in my life, but read through my blog and you'll get the idea. Maybe some day I'll be able to clearly state it, but right now, I'm just so overjoyed to be where I am and feeling how I feel. I can't help but to praise my Lord and my God - especially as we celebrate the gift of his only son Jesus, who is the Christ, the one who shall save us from our sins.
So on that note, I'll wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope you find peace and everlasting joy.
Friday, December 7, 2012
This Old Body of Mine
Do you ever have days when you feel older than you really are? That is the kind of day I'm having. My back went out, my PVPS acted up, my heart was skipping beats, my head hurt and I just felt like an old man. Now I know why older people can be kind of cranky - everything hurts.
When my back goes out, it seems to trigger something with my PVPS. This time, I had indiscriminate pains throughout my pelvic region. They would come and go without too much fanfare. I took some tylenol at bedtime hoping it would take care of some of my pains. The headache went away, and then I fell asleep.
This morning, is a little bit like last night. Pains here and there. I am going to try to get back on the treadmill today and see if that doesn't help. I guess the older folks would say I'm going to try to 'lubricate the joints'. Well, I guess I'll see.
I'm not sure how much more I'm going to post this month. December is always so busy with so many things related to Christmas. If something big breaks (not literally I hope), then I'll come back and post. Otherwise, have a good Christmas and may the peace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, be with you.
When my back goes out, it seems to trigger something with my PVPS. This time, I had indiscriminate pains throughout my pelvic region. They would come and go without too much fanfare. I took some tylenol at bedtime hoping it would take care of some of my pains. The headache went away, and then I fell asleep.
This morning, is a little bit like last night. Pains here and there. I am going to try to get back on the treadmill today and see if that doesn't help. I guess the older folks would say I'm going to try to 'lubricate the joints'. Well, I guess I'll see.
I'm not sure how much more I'm going to post this month. December is always so busy with so many things related to Christmas. If something big breaks (not literally I hope), then I'll come back and post. Otherwise, have a good Christmas and may the peace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, be with you.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Completely Shocked by Pain
I've blogged recently how things have been somewhat status-quo. No real pain to speak of, outside of a little pain or ache here and there. And yet, in the back of my mind, I know the PVPS pain can strike without rhyme or reason, and that's exactly what happened last night. But what caught me off guard, was the frankness of the pain.
I started having that knifing nerve pain in my right groin last night, while sitting at a school dinner for my kids. I stood up, walked around and even went to the bathroom. I thought getting up and moving might help the pain. However, the pain just intensified. It almost brought me to my knees, as I was doubled over and writhing in pain. When I gently touched the right inguinal area, where the pain was most extreme, the pain tripled. It felt as if my old inguinal hernia repair was exploding through my skin.
After about 10 minutes, the pain began to subside and we decided to leave the function. I gingerly stepped into the car and sat down. The pain was not worsening. We drove home (about 25 minutes) and I took a Tylenol. But by this time, the pain seemed to have faded. But I didn't want to take any chances.
When I awoke this morning, there was a twinge of pain on the right inguinal side. The pain is made worse when I bend my right knee upwards; like in the fetal position when you sleep. So I took another Tylenol and will try to avoid sitting or doing anything too aggressive today. In fact, this should be the last I'm on the computer today (although, I'm not sitting, but rather kneeling at the computer while I write this entry).
On a positive note, the new ebook about my vasectomy is moving off the shelves at Amazon.com. Today is a free promotion day so it can be downloaded for free to your Kindle device, but only until midnight tonite. Then it goes back to $2.99, which is still a good price.
I had my book reviewed by someone yesterday and received very positive feedback. Hope it will shine some light on this syndrome and serve to help people make better decisions regarding their vasectomy.
I started having that knifing nerve pain in my right groin last night, while sitting at a school dinner for my kids. I stood up, walked around and even went to the bathroom. I thought getting up and moving might help the pain. However, the pain just intensified. It almost brought me to my knees, as I was doubled over and writhing in pain. When I gently touched the right inguinal area, where the pain was most extreme, the pain tripled. It felt as if my old inguinal hernia repair was exploding through my skin.
After about 10 minutes, the pain began to subside and we decided to leave the function. I gingerly stepped into the car and sat down. The pain was not worsening. We drove home (about 25 minutes) and I took a Tylenol. But by this time, the pain seemed to have faded. But I didn't want to take any chances.
When I awoke this morning, there was a twinge of pain on the right inguinal side. The pain is made worse when I bend my right knee upwards; like in the fetal position when you sleep. So I took another Tylenol and will try to avoid sitting or doing anything too aggressive today. In fact, this should be the last I'm on the computer today (although, I'm not sitting, but rather kneeling at the computer while I write this entry).
On a positive note, the new ebook about my vasectomy is moving off the shelves at Amazon.com. Today is a free promotion day so it can be downloaded for free to your Kindle device, but only until midnight tonite. Then it goes back to $2.99, which is still a good price.
I had my book reviewed by someone yesterday and received very positive feedback. Hope it will shine some light on this syndrome and serve to help people make better decisions regarding their vasectomy.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Increased Activity
Let's face it. It can get a little chilly up here in the pacific NW. The enjoyable summer is now a distant memory for locals and a steady stream of rainy and cold days has become what seems like the permanent forecast. But we did have some breaks here and there. We finally got outside and hiked around a bit. It felt great to stretch the legs and get some activity outside the house.
Meanwhile, I had something interesting happen after my wife and I shared some intimate time. I began having pain in my "you know what". It started a few hours afterward. Thank goodness it didn't occur while we were together. I hear from some men who experience that. I just can't imagine (and don't want to imagine) how that must be. I'd say this was just about the most significant pain I've had in my Johnson. I remember having twinges and little sensations that came and went, but this was ever present, ever painful and wasn't going away.
I figured it to be some kind of nerve pain. So when I have nerve-like pain, I reach for the Tylenol. I took 1000 mgs and hoped for the best. About an hour later, the pain was gone and hasn't returned. I also haven't had anymore E.J.'s since then. I'll be curious if this is going to be a regular occurrence or just a one time deal. I'm obviously hoping for the one time deal.
Outside of that little experience, things are pretty stable. An ache here and there, but nothing to write home about.
Regarding my big announcement: I've just about got the final touches done. One more little thing to finish and then I'll be able to tell you all what is going on, so stay posted. There will be a nice little companion to the Vasectomy Side Effects blog which I think everyone will enjoy.
Interestingly, some other man on the PVPS forum started a website/blog to help get the word out. So far, he's had quite a few visitors too. It seems like more people are coming out of the closet with their vasectomy pain and side effects. That's good to hear. I think there is a silent minority of people out there who suffer everyday and just don't know where to turn. Now there are several resources available to get your questions answered. I just hope I can help you in some way as well.
Good luck.
Meanwhile, I had something interesting happen after my wife and I shared some intimate time. I began having pain in my "you know what". It started a few hours afterward. Thank goodness it didn't occur while we were together. I hear from some men who experience that. I just can't imagine (and don't want to imagine) how that must be. I'd say this was just about the most significant pain I've had in my Johnson. I remember having twinges and little sensations that came and went, but this was ever present, ever painful and wasn't going away.
I figured it to be some kind of nerve pain. So when I have nerve-like pain, I reach for the Tylenol. I took 1000 mgs and hoped for the best. About an hour later, the pain was gone and hasn't returned. I also haven't had anymore E.J.'s since then. I'll be curious if this is going to be a regular occurrence or just a one time deal. I'm obviously hoping for the one time deal.
Outside of that little experience, things are pretty stable. An ache here and there, but nothing to write home about.
Regarding my big announcement: I've just about got the final touches done. One more little thing to finish and then I'll be able to tell you all what is going on, so stay posted. There will be a nice little companion to the Vasectomy Side Effects blog which I think everyone will enjoy.
Interestingly, some other man on the PVPS forum started a website/blog to help get the word out. So far, he's had quite a few visitors too. It seems like more people are coming out of the closet with their vasectomy pain and side effects. That's good to hear. I think there is a silent minority of people out there who suffer everyday and just don't know where to turn. Now there are several resources available to get your questions answered. I just hope I can help you in some way as well.
Good luck.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Sharp Pinching Sensation and a Prayer
Today I was laying in bed on my left side, with my typical pillow between my knees. This is how I sleep most of the time, or on my back. Anyway, I've been straitening out my left leg (the one under the pillow) for a while now. So basically, my right leg (on top of the pillow) is the only one in the fetal position. It's a nice change of pace and hasn't been painful in any way at all...until this morning that is.
I'm not sure what the deal was. Interestingly, it all started when I had to get up 3 times to pee last night. And by pee, I don't mean dribble, dribble. Nope, I had to go. So it wasn't like a prostate thing, like you see on the TV commercials. Rather, it was as if someone had slipped me a diuretic before bedtime; I had to go and go badly.
Finally, around 6:15 am, I woke up and turned to my side to sleep as I described above, left leg straight, right leg in the fetal position. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I had this pinching, almost burning pain in my right testicle, on the back side. This is where your epididymous is located. I felt down there and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I hadn't smashed my testicle or anything like that. There was plenty of room for maneuvering down there. So I straightened out my right leg and the pain disappeared.
I reconnoitered and brought my right leg up again, and sure enough, the pinching pain returned. I repeated this about 5 times, with the same result. With every fetal curl, my right testicle would feel like someone was burying a needle into it, about an inch deep. I tried to just toughen it out, but eventually had to relent, too much pain.
I rolled back over to my back and laid there. No snoozing for me this morning. I stayed awake the remainder of the morning until I got up. I noticed I was a little sore down there during breakfast, so I took 1 Tylenol, just in case it wouldn't go away.
It's pain like that which causes my anxiety level to increase. Random pains down there which seem positional in nature, make me think that anatomically, something is not quite right post vasectomy reversal. I really wish I had a video tape of my reversal.
But more likely, there is probably just some scar tissue down there that is rubbing against something or pinching something it shouldn't. When I think about this, I start to get fanciful ideas about having another surgery to "clean up" the area, kind of like when an athlete gets their knee cleaned out. But I don't dare have another surgery down there, if I can help it.
This is the roller coaster thinking you do when you have PVPS. Your mind play out numerous scenarios back and forth with a slew of "would of", "could of", and "should of" 's. Very tiring thinking and frustrating.
I'm reading a book about Mother Theresa. She talks about trusting in God for all things and then expecting him to come through in the clutch. I think that's where I struggle, the "expecting him to come through" part. But I think this is part of the master's plan for my spiritual growth. Or rather, not part of his initial plan, but since it's happened, he'll use it to that end.
So I guess it's back to just trusting God through all of this. Not letting myself get on that emotional roller coaster.
"Lord, please help me to trust in you. To expect that you'll help me. To absolutely count on it. You've done it before, with my marriage, my family, my career, etc. So why should I expect anything to change. You are the creator of the universe and you can do all things. Help me to trust you and to give it all to you. Not leaning on my own strength and understanding, but yours and yours alone. Speak to me with that still, small, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. Lead me through this and whatever else you know lies in my path. May you receive the glory and honor forever and ever. In Jesus name, amen."
I'm not sure what the deal was. Interestingly, it all started when I had to get up 3 times to pee last night. And by pee, I don't mean dribble, dribble. Nope, I had to go. So it wasn't like a prostate thing, like you see on the TV commercials. Rather, it was as if someone had slipped me a diuretic before bedtime; I had to go and go badly.
Finally, around 6:15 am, I woke up and turned to my side to sleep as I described above, left leg straight, right leg in the fetal position. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I had this pinching, almost burning pain in my right testicle, on the back side. This is where your epididymous is located. I felt down there and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I hadn't smashed my testicle or anything like that. There was plenty of room for maneuvering down there. So I straightened out my right leg and the pain disappeared.
I reconnoitered and brought my right leg up again, and sure enough, the pinching pain returned. I repeated this about 5 times, with the same result. With every fetal curl, my right testicle would feel like someone was burying a needle into it, about an inch deep. I tried to just toughen it out, but eventually had to relent, too much pain.
I rolled back over to my back and laid there. No snoozing for me this morning. I stayed awake the remainder of the morning until I got up. I noticed I was a little sore down there during breakfast, so I took 1 Tylenol, just in case it wouldn't go away.
It's pain like that which causes my anxiety level to increase. Random pains down there which seem positional in nature, make me think that anatomically, something is not quite right post vasectomy reversal. I really wish I had a video tape of my reversal.
But more likely, there is probably just some scar tissue down there that is rubbing against something or pinching something it shouldn't. When I think about this, I start to get fanciful ideas about having another surgery to "clean up" the area, kind of like when an athlete gets their knee cleaned out. But I don't dare have another surgery down there, if I can help it.
This is the roller coaster thinking you do when you have PVPS. Your mind play out numerous scenarios back and forth with a slew of "would of", "could of", and "should of" 's. Very tiring thinking and frustrating.
I'm reading a book about Mother Theresa. She talks about trusting in God for all things and then expecting him to come through in the clutch. I think that's where I struggle, the "expecting him to come through" part. But I think this is part of the master's plan for my spiritual growth. Or rather, not part of his initial plan, but since it's happened, he'll use it to that end.
So I guess it's back to just trusting God through all of this. Not letting myself get on that emotional roller coaster.
"Lord, please help me to trust in you. To expect that you'll help me. To absolutely count on it. You've done it before, with my marriage, my family, my career, etc. So why should I expect anything to change. You are the creator of the universe and you can do all things. Help me to trust you and to give it all to you. Not leaning on my own strength and understanding, but yours and yours alone. Speak to me with that still, small, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. Lead me through this and whatever else you know lies in my path. May you receive the glory and honor forever and ever. In Jesus name, amen."
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Fear
Fear is the great equalizer. Last week, I had 4, count them, 1-2-3-4, wonderful days. Then Saturday evening was only a little painful. Then Sunday was just slightly a bit more painful, but really nothing compared to a couple weeks ago. Then Monday totally stunk it up. My left testicle, above the teste, became hard and I thought I was going to have epididymitis again. I began to have a million thoughts run through my head - did the reversal fail after 13 months, would I have a painful week and need to go see a doctor, etc. Basically, fear set in.
Fear is the thing that I struggle with the most. The same questions I just asked, constantly swirl around in my head. Add to this the fact that I'm exhausted from coping with the pain, dealing with the pain, having to face the pain, pain, pain, pain....ugh! My frustration level has been quite high lately. I keep asking God to help me count it as joy, but that is easier to say than to do. Pain sucks. Fear sucks. Vasectomies suck.
I took some ibuprofen yesterday and laid down in bed. I also wore a jock strap, hoping that might keep the boys in place. I prayed and I read the Bible. First Peter is what I read. It helped a lot. My prayer was full of sobbing and asking for help to get through this latest pain. I texted my sister and asked her to pray.
When I got up from bed about 2 hours later, the hard thing in my testicle was gone. I had residual pain, but the ibuprofen was helping me with that. Today, I woke up and still felt sore. The pain was into my right thigh. I took some tylenol at lunch and now I feel pretty decent.
I hate that I'm becoming more dependent on the tylenol/ibuprofen. I wish I could go a month without using them. I wish I could get up and work out without having to worry about the painful consequences. I wish for a lot of things, but I'm left in the state I'm in.
So fear is what I'm dealing with now. Prayer seems to help, reading the Bible seems to help, sitting around with nothing else to think about - doesn't help. You see, fear gets trapped in the mind and tells you that life stinks. As I was reminded yesterday, life doesn't stink, just the post vasectomy pain thing-a-ma-jig stinks. Count your blessings when pain hits is what my sister told me to do. Don't let fear get a stranglehold on your thinking, because it can dominate.
Again, easier to say than to put into action. But I'm trying. God seems to be the only thing that can help me here. Not a bad bailout plan I guess. I just keep praying for things to get better. Please Lord, make them get better. Amen.
Fear is the thing that I struggle with the most. The same questions I just asked, constantly swirl around in my head. Add to this the fact that I'm exhausted from coping with the pain, dealing with the pain, having to face the pain, pain, pain, pain....ugh! My frustration level has been quite high lately. I keep asking God to help me count it as joy, but that is easier to say than to do. Pain sucks. Fear sucks. Vasectomies suck.
I took some ibuprofen yesterday and laid down in bed. I also wore a jock strap, hoping that might keep the boys in place. I prayed and I read the Bible. First Peter is what I read. It helped a lot. My prayer was full of sobbing and asking for help to get through this latest pain. I texted my sister and asked her to pray.
When I got up from bed about 2 hours later, the hard thing in my testicle was gone. I had residual pain, but the ibuprofen was helping me with that. Today, I woke up and still felt sore. The pain was into my right thigh. I took some tylenol at lunch and now I feel pretty decent.
I hate that I'm becoming more dependent on the tylenol/ibuprofen. I wish I could go a month without using them. I wish I could get up and work out without having to worry about the painful consequences. I wish for a lot of things, but I'm left in the state I'm in.
So fear is what I'm dealing with now. Prayer seems to help, reading the Bible seems to help, sitting around with nothing else to think about - doesn't help. You see, fear gets trapped in the mind and tells you that life stinks. As I was reminded yesterday, life doesn't stink, just the post vasectomy pain thing-a-ma-jig stinks. Count your blessings when pain hits is what my sister told me to do. Don't let fear get a stranglehold on your thinking, because it can dominate.
Again, easier to say than to put into action. But I'm trying. God seems to be the only thing that can help me here. Not a bad bailout plan I guess. I just keep praying for things to get better. Please Lord, make them get better. Amen.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I'm Getting Worried
This morning I woke up with a pain that I haven't had for quite a long time. The last time I had this pain was after my vasectomy reversal when I felt this hard cord like thing coming into my right testicle. Well, the hard cord thing isn't there now, well sort of, there is something firm there. I'm just not sure what. Anyway, I'm having a lot of referred pain throughout my entire right inguinal/groin area, even down into my right thigh.
This has me worried. It reminds me of congestive pain, like maybe my reversal is failing. However, I've tried very hard to put that idea out of my mind. The last thing I want to think about is my reversal failing. I've heard other guys talk about it and it isn't pretty. Not to mention you have to have another reversal and since I had nerve pain after my first reversal, I'm not too keen on the idea of having to risk another surgery. So, I just pray that it is something else. Just some kind of nerve pain is all.
Meanwhile, I've taken a hot bath and some tylenol. I've also taken it very easy today. Nothing too strenuous, just sitting around while I did homeschool with the kids. Luckily, I don't have a "real" job which would probably only exacerbate my symptoms. I suppose I should continue to thank God that I don't have a job.
I'm not sure if this has anything to do with anything. But I am no longer sitting at the computer. I've got is set up so I stand now. However, I just noticed that I lean forward when I type. I've noticed that leaning forward (like to look into a mirror up close) makes my nerves hurt more. It seems that any undue pressure on my core, even simple leaning, tends to make them angry. Maybe I'll go back to sitting down again. See if that changes anything. It's just hard to know what is causing your symptoms, you know what I mean? This makes post vasectomy pain syndrome very frustrating. But then I guess syndromes aren't meant to be cute and cuddly, otherwise they wouldn't be labeled as syndromes.
Still though, I wish someone would make a break through. Like most people in this situation, I hate living in a nebulous world where the slightest little thing can set the pain off.
This has me worried. It reminds me of congestive pain, like maybe my reversal is failing. However, I've tried very hard to put that idea out of my mind. The last thing I want to think about is my reversal failing. I've heard other guys talk about it and it isn't pretty. Not to mention you have to have another reversal and since I had nerve pain after my first reversal, I'm not too keen on the idea of having to risk another surgery. So, I just pray that it is something else. Just some kind of nerve pain is all.
Meanwhile, I've taken a hot bath and some tylenol. I've also taken it very easy today. Nothing too strenuous, just sitting around while I did homeschool with the kids. Luckily, I don't have a "real" job which would probably only exacerbate my symptoms. I suppose I should continue to thank God that I don't have a job.
I'm not sure if this has anything to do with anything. But I am no longer sitting at the computer. I've got is set up so I stand now. However, I just noticed that I lean forward when I type. I've noticed that leaning forward (like to look into a mirror up close) makes my nerves hurt more. It seems that any undue pressure on my core, even simple leaning, tends to make them angry. Maybe I'll go back to sitting down again. See if that changes anything. It's just hard to know what is causing your symptoms, you know what I mean? This makes post vasectomy pain syndrome very frustrating. But then I guess syndromes aren't meant to be cute and cuddly, otherwise they wouldn't be labeled as syndromes.
Still though, I wish someone would make a break through. Like most people in this situation, I hate living in a nebulous world where the slightest little thing can set the pain off.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Coping Mechanisms for Vasectomy Pain
I was talking to my pain mentor last week and he told me that when my behavior changes because of the pain, that I am coping. I can see his point, but I wish I could engage in those activities without having to worry about pain. I'm tired of coping, but it will be with me the rest of my life - for better or worse.
Well, I've learned about another coping mechanism or behavior change. As everyone knows, I have been on a walking program for a while now - about 2 months. The walking not only helps my nerve pain, by getting me off my backside, but it also helps me with my cardiomyopathy (weak heart). My heart is supposed to be normal again, but I still don't feel like it's all quite right.
Anyway, I've been walking about 2 miles in 30 minutes - or about 4 mph. This isn' very fast, I know. When I was walking last year, before my pain, I'd be up to 5.5 mph and I'd be running a little bit too. But pain has a way of reeling all that in a bit. However, I have been getting a little more aggressive with my walking. There is a route I take by my house that incorporates a lot of strenuous hills and steep grades. So, even though I'm only walking 4 mph, a lot of that has uphill grades which increase the cardio workout.
Sadly, it also increases the core, groin, upper leg muscle workout as well. I believe the recent pain I've had is related to the steep climbing I've been doing on my walks. My abdomen was actually sore from walking and I noticed yesterday that my groin was hurting, which in turn made my nerve pain hurt.
So, I think I have to stick to less intensive walks - for a while anyway. Maybe I'll try to get up to 5 mph on a flat surface, then maybe try to walk a little slower on the more hilly routes. Again, just trying to cope with the pain. I also did a little light stretching last week, which probably didn't help things either. But it's hard to walk without stretching too. I'm going to need to come up with a way to stretch, yet keeping my nerve pain from acting up.
Okay, so today is Monday and I'm not really having much pain today. Yesterday, I had a little left testicular ache and the burning or paper cut sensation on the back of my testicles. I took a tylenol over the weekend to help. I also took a hot bath last night. Again, more coping mechanisms for pain.
Well, I've learned about another coping mechanism or behavior change. As everyone knows, I have been on a walking program for a while now - about 2 months. The walking not only helps my nerve pain, by getting me off my backside, but it also helps me with my cardiomyopathy (weak heart). My heart is supposed to be normal again, but I still don't feel like it's all quite right.
Anyway, I've been walking about 2 miles in 30 minutes - or about 4 mph. This isn' very fast, I know. When I was walking last year, before my pain, I'd be up to 5.5 mph and I'd be running a little bit too. But pain has a way of reeling all that in a bit. However, I have been getting a little more aggressive with my walking. There is a route I take by my house that incorporates a lot of strenuous hills and steep grades. So, even though I'm only walking 4 mph, a lot of that has uphill grades which increase the cardio workout.
Sadly, it also increases the core, groin, upper leg muscle workout as well. I believe the recent pain I've had is related to the steep climbing I've been doing on my walks. My abdomen was actually sore from walking and I noticed yesterday that my groin was hurting, which in turn made my nerve pain hurt.
So, I think I have to stick to less intensive walks - for a while anyway. Maybe I'll try to get up to 5 mph on a flat surface, then maybe try to walk a little slower on the more hilly routes. Again, just trying to cope with the pain. I also did a little light stretching last week, which probably didn't help things either. But it's hard to walk without stretching too. I'm going to need to come up with a way to stretch, yet keeping my nerve pain from acting up.
Okay, so today is Monday and I'm not really having much pain today. Yesterday, I had a little left testicular ache and the burning or paper cut sensation on the back of my testicles. I took a tylenol over the weekend to help. I also took a hot bath last night. Again, more coping mechanisms for pain.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Good Cycle Ending?
Well, I've had a nice little run of good days in a row. I think it's about two weeks long now. But there are signs that it may be coming to an end. For example, during church on Sunday, my right inguinal side felt pretty bad. No knifing nerve pain, but rather, it felt like someone was twisting my insides with a pair of pliers. I had to stand up and walk around before it finally went away. Then, the rest of the day was okay.
Meanwhile, last night, I had a nocturnal emission. I haven't had an E.J. for quite a while, so maybe this was God's way of helping me out. However, now I'm having various sensations in my inguinal areas. I just finished taking a hot bath, hoping that helps. I will probably also take a tylenol. I have a stye on my eyelid too, so maybe the tylenol will help with that pain too. I'm only going to take 1 500 mg tablet though. I want to see if that works as well as the 1000 mgs.
I'll also go for a walk today after I get done blogging. See if that doesn't help too. The last time my good cycle ended, I had a lot of pain and I was quite miserable. But maybe the walking and proactive hot baths will postpone the end or at least make it not as bad as last time.
Meanwhile, last night, I had a nocturnal emission. I haven't had an E.J. for quite a while, so maybe this was God's way of helping me out. However, now I'm having various sensations in my inguinal areas. I just finished taking a hot bath, hoping that helps. I will probably also take a tylenol. I have a stye on my eyelid too, so maybe the tylenol will help with that pain too. I'm only going to take 1 500 mg tablet though. I want to see if that works as well as the 1000 mgs.
I'll also go for a walk today after I get done blogging. See if that doesn't help too. The last time my good cycle ended, I had a lot of pain and I was quite miserable. But maybe the walking and proactive hot baths will postpone the end or at least make it not as bad as last time.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Staying Positive
It's hard to stay positive when you're in pain. I don't know how people do it. The guy from my church who helped me out so much was a living example of that. He was very positive despite having pain that would cripple most people, including me. I think how weak minded or weak spirited I am to crumble when I get the little bit of pain that I do experience. But I was never taught how to keep a positive attitude when life throws you a curve ball. Thankfully, my friend from my old church helped me quite a bit.
But we've moved and I don't have that quick resource anymore. No more bull sessions on the sofa when I could pour out my feelings and frustrations. There is something to be said for having an outlet, someone to talk to who can help you over the rough patches.
I finally broke down and took some tylenol this morning. I have had constant pain for the last couple of days and I remember my friend telling me you need to break the cycle of pain. The nerves won't do it by themselves. So, I took some tylenol. We'll see if it helps.
I went for a long walk yesterday (50 minutes). Strange, but I had some chest pain while I was walking along with my usual scrotal pain. I'll have to keep an eye on this chest pain stuff. Today, I walked for 30 minutes and stretched out afterwards. I'm going to try to slim down a bit, see if that doesn't help also. Right now, I've got the 40 year old ponch above my beltline. People still think I'm skinny, but I do have some belly fat to lose. If I slim down, that may help with how much tugging takes place below the belt line. I don't know. If nothing else, the walking and diet should help my heart.
I'm good at starting things, but not finishing them. I hope I can keep this going. I think it will be a real coup if I could.
My pain today feels like my scrotum is being ripped off from my groin. Doesn't that sound like fun? Ripped might be too harsh of a description though. It's more like I feel the weight of gravity on my scrotum, like it is being pulled away from my body and the skin is being stretched about as tight as it can. But upon visual inspection, my scrotum looks "normal". The pain does make it difficult to keep a positive outlook though. With every pain, I feel like something bad is happening, rather than just realizing the nerves are being irritated as per normal. Anyway, I hope walking, stretching, hot baths and the tylenol will help break this bad cycle I've been in lately.
But we've moved and I don't have that quick resource anymore. No more bull sessions on the sofa when I could pour out my feelings and frustrations. There is something to be said for having an outlet, someone to talk to who can help you over the rough patches.
I finally broke down and took some tylenol this morning. I have had constant pain for the last couple of days and I remember my friend telling me you need to break the cycle of pain. The nerves won't do it by themselves. So, I took some tylenol. We'll see if it helps.
I went for a long walk yesterday (50 minutes). Strange, but I had some chest pain while I was walking along with my usual scrotal pain. I'll have to keep an eye on this chest pain stuff. Today, I walked for 30 minutes and stretched out afterwards. I'm going to try to slim down a bit, see if that doesn't help also. Right now, I've got the 40 year old ponch above my beltline. People still think I'm skinny, but I do have some belly fat to lose. If I slim down, that may help with how much tugging takes place below the belt line. I don't know. If nothing else, the walking and diet should help my heart.
I'm good at starting things, but not finishing them. I hope I can keep this going. I think it will be a real coup if I could.
My pain today feels like my scrotum is being ripped off from my groin. Doesn't that sound like fun? Ripped might be too harsh of a description though. It's more like I feel the weight of gravity on my scrotum, like it is being pulled away from my body and the skin is being stretched about as tight as it can. But upon visual inspection, my scrotum looks "normal". The pain does make it difficult to keep a positive outlook though. With every pain, I feel like something bad is happening, rather than just realizing the nerves are being irritated as per normal. Anyway, I hope walking, stretching, hot baths and the tylenol will help break this bad cycle I've been in lately.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tough Couple of Days
So today I woke up in tremendous pain in my scrotum. I've had intermittent nerve pain on my left and right inguinal sides. I feel like my scrotum is about to explode and there's nothing that can be done about it. I think I'm just going to have to handle up on my own business because there is a real part of me that feels this is all congestion related symptoms.
I'd like to be patient and wait for my wife, and let that area of things progress naturally. But in talking with her, it doesn't look like she's much in the mood these days - as she's stressed out because she started a new job that is not entirely in her specialty or rather, comfort zone. So as much as I'd like to be with her or have her help me out, I don't think it's going to happen for another couple of weeks. So in the shower I go, I suppose.
Today, the tylenol helped quite a bit. It brought the pain down to tolerable levels. Thank God, the tylenol works for me. Some guys have to take major prescription kind of drugs just to get through. So I'll take that blessing any day of the week. I also used a heating pad, as I haven't been able to take hot baths like I did before. This rental house has a very small water heater, so the water doesn't get hot or deep enough to do the job. I did get some relief from the heating pad though. I was surprised. That or maybe the tylenol had kicked in. One or the other.
Anyway, this is the first I've sat down - which has probably also helped. I hope to have a good night's sleep with no straining. Tomorrow will be a new day and I pray it will be a good one...for us all. God Bless.
I'd like to be patient and wait for my wife, and let that area of things progress naturally. But in talking with her, it doesn't look like she's much in the mood these days - as she's stressed out because she started a new job that is not entirely in her specialty or rather, comfort zone. So as much as I'd like to be with her or have her help me out, I don't think it's going to happen for another couple of weeks. So in the shower I go, I suppose.
Today, the tylenol helped quite a bit. It brought the pain down to tolerable levels. Thank God, the tylenol works for me. Some guys have to take major prescription kind of drugs just to get through. So I'll take that blessing any day of the week. I also used a heating pad, as I haven't been able to take hot baths like I did before. This rental house has a very small water heater, so the water doesn't get hot or deep enough to do the job. I did get some relief from the heating pad though. I was surprised. That or maybe the tylenol had kicked in. One or the other.
Anyway, this is the first I've sat down - which has probably also helped. I hope to have a good night's sleep with no straining. Tomorrow will be a new day and I pray it will be a good one...for us all. God Bless.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Taking Tylenol Just In Case
Last night I woke up in a hot sweat and had to go to the bathroom. I opened up the windows and went back to bed. I woke up again needing to go to the bathroom again and I was cold, so I shut the windows. I'm not sleeping very good since we've moved to the pacific NW. Not sure why. My bed doesn't feel comfortable and I am having difficulty voiding urine completely or at least, I'm having to pee a lot throughout the day. But again, my wife and I haven't really been together a lot either, so maybe it's just a large prostate kind of thing.
I didn't have any pain per se' today, although the fullness or congestion feeling was present (on the right side). I took some tylenol just to stay ahead of any pain I might have experienced. It must have worked, because here it is, 10 P.M. and I haven't had any pain, just the full feeling is all.
Tomorrow is church. They have much more comfortable chairs than our last church in Texas. So I can tolerate sitting there better. I won't take any tylenol in the morning - to see how things go. If I need it though, I've learned not to be proud or suffer in pain. Just take the medicine if needed. Taking it only once a day shouldn't pose that big of a problem anyway. We'll see how it goes. Well I hope, Lord willing.
I didn't have any pain per se' today, although the fullness or congestion feeling was present (on the right side). I took some tylenol just to stay ahead of any pain I might have experienced. It must have worked, because here it is, 10 P.M. and I haven't had any pain, just the full feeling is all.
Tomorrow is church. They have much more comfortable chairs than our last church in Texas. So I can tolerate sitting there better. I won't take any tylenol in the morning - to see how things go. If I need it though, I've learned not to be proud or suffer in pain. Just take the medicine if needed. Taking it only once a day shouldn't pose that big of a problem anyway. We'll see how it goes. Well I hope, Lord willing.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Another Hike
Despite the inguinal nerve pain, life goes on. Today we're going hiking about an hour and a half away from home. That means time in the car and then the hike. Not sure how things will turn out. I will probably take some tylenol and/or ibuprofen before we head out.
I slept ok, but did a lot of stretching this morning before I got up. If I remember correctly, whenever I do a lot of stretching in the bed prior to getting out, I tend to have a lot of pain during the day. So I'm not sure what kind of day today will be. I'm hoping that since I've blogged about what I expect to happen, the opposite will occur. I know, I know. I can't explain this reasoning. That's just where you go when you have chronic pain issues. I'm not proud of it.
I just pray the pain doesn't keep me from enjoying my family and what the Lord has created. Have to cherish each day - you know what I mean??
I slept ok, but did a lot of stretching this morning before I got up. If I remember correctly, whenever I do a lot of stretching in the bed prior to getting out, I tend to have a lot of pain during the day. So I'm not sure what kind of day today will be. I'm hoping that since I've blogged about what I expect to happen, the opposite will occur. I know, I know. I can't explain this reasoning. That's just where you go when you have chronic pain issues. I'm not proud of it.
I just pray the pain doesn't keep me from enjoying my family and what the Lord has created. Have to cherish each day - you know what I mean??
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Ugh!! I Hate Vasectomy Pain Syndrome
It is so irritating. Today, I dug a hole to find a leak in my underground sprinkler system. I found it. I squatted down to reach inside my hole to look at the PVC pipe and Tah Duh! Nerve pain strikes! The pain is on the right side at my inguinal area. I had to take a tylenol and curtail my activities.
I'm so frustrated. On top of that, it's 100 degrees here in north Texas. I really do hate living in this town during the summer. But to have this PVPS on top of that. The only thing that gets me through this is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I can't imagine having to deal with this without leaning on him.
One of the guys in the support group says that a counselor is very helpful because of the emotional and mental strain placed on the men who suffer from PVPS. I couldn't agree more, because I talk to Jesus about this at least every couple of days. He hears my frustrations and then gives me peace. I can't explain the peace, but it's there nevertheless.
Right now I just want to scream out and I'm feeling extremely regretful over having the vasectomy. But I'm sure God will talk me down off the ledge before I go to bed tonight. Where would I be without Him. I really hate to think about it.
I'm so frustrated. On top of that, it's 100 degrees here in north Texas. I really do hate living in this town during the summer. But to have this PVPS on top of that. The only thing that gets me through this is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I can't imagine having to deal with this without leaning on him.
One of the guys in the support group says that a counselor is very helpful because of the emotional and mental strain placed on the men who suffer from PVPS. I couldn't agree more, because I talk to Jesus about this at least every couple of days. He hears my frustrations and then gives me peace. I can't explain the peace, but it's there nevertheless.
Right now I just want to scream out and I'm feeling extremely regretful over having the vasectomy. But I'm sure God will talk me down off the ledge before I go to bed tonight. Where would I be without Him. I really hate to think about it.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Where I am Mentally
I had some amount of pain on my right side yesterday. But it was like an overused muscle ache in that same right inguinal area. Luckily, the ache has been confined to the inguinal area, but it had its moments yesterday and I eventually had to sit back in the recliner for a while. That seemed to help. I'm going to try to sit down less today. See if being on my feet more helps. Left side is its normal self. I get this occassional "full" feeling in my left scrotum, but it doesn't last. I did have one 5 second episode of nerve pain, but that was it.
I really feel like I'm ready to go back on the rapaflo, but at a lower dose. I want to see if I have the same pain relief, but without all the other side effects (lightheadedness, palpitations, etc.). I guess it's that or I can take tylenol or ibuprofen every day or so. I haven't quite figured out which is the lesser of two evils.
My five month reversal anniversay is coming up in three days. I'm wondering if my reversal will take. I'm hopeful it will. But I know it may occlude and become obstructed. I try not to think about that too much though. After all I've been through this year, I just don't want to think about the possible negative outcome. I really feel like I've done what I was supposed to do regarding my epididymitis.
Meanwhile, today has started okay. But, I haven't really done much yet. I'm having the kids pack their toys and stuff in boxes now and getting de-cluttered for our potential house sale and move. So I'll see what the rest of the day brings.
I really feel like I'm ready to go back on the rapaflo, but at a lower dose. I want to see if I have the same pain relief, but without all the other side effects (lightheadedness, palpitations, etc.). I guess it's that or I can take tylenol or ibuprofen every day or so. I haven't quite figured out which is the lesser of two evils.
My five month reversal anniversay is coming up in three days. I'm wondering if my reversal will take. I'm hopeful it will. But I know it may occlude and become obstructed. I try not to think about that too much though. After all I've been through this year, I just don't want to think about the possible negative outcome. I really feel like I've done what I was supposed to do regarding my epididymitis.
Meanwhile, today has started okay. But, I haven't really done much yet. I'm having the kids pack their toys and stuff in boxes now and getting de-cluttered for our potential house sale and move. So I'll see what the rest of the day brings.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Just Marking Time
Today is about the same as yesterday. I've noticed that tylenol gives me about a 48 hour window of improvement. The same is true with an E.J., on my right side anyway. However, my right side is bucking that previous trend. I'm still having this right inguinal ache. I'm starting to wonder if it is related to my reversal or my inguinal hernia repair I had when I was 23 years old. Of course, it would be coincidental for that to start hurting at the same time of my reversal nerve pain.
So here I sit, doing about the same. I may call my uro up in about a week and see if I can get a 4 mg sample of the rapaflo. I really didn't like the way 8 mgs made me feel, cardiovascular wise. The decrease in pelvic pain was good, but the rest, not so much. But maybe a 4 mg dose will have less side effects and still give me the pain relief I had with 8 mgs.
Or maybe, I'll continue to improve and not need any of it by next week. Progress for me can really be measured in months, rather than days or weeks. If I look back to my recovery at post-op month number 1, 2, 3, 4 and now 5, I can say the pain has been less by each monthly anniversary. However, it's still annoying because I want to see immediate improvement. It's like comparing a second hand to an hour hand as they both sweep around a clockface. One is immediately noticeable, while the other isn't.
Left side feels okay today. I did some stretching last night along with very, and I mean VERY, light duty abdominal/leg exercises. Most people wouldn't even consider what I did as exercises. I learned my lesson from before though. I need to ease into things. So I'll do them again tonight and hopefully repeat them for a few weeks before I even think about advancing in them. I'll keep you posted.
So here I sit, doing about the same. I may call my uro up in about a week and see if I can get a 4 mg sample of the rapaflo. I really didn't like the way 8 mgs made me feel, cardiovascular wise. The decrease in pelvic pain was good, but the rest, not so much. But maybe a 4 mg dose will have less side effects and still give me the pain relief I had with 8 mgs.
Or maybe, I'll continue to improve and not need any of it by next week. Progress for me can really be measured in months, rather than days or weeks. If I look back to my recovery at post-op month number 1, 2, 3, 4 and now 5, I can say the pain has been less by each monthly anniversary. However, it's still annoying because I want to see immediate improvement. It's like comparing a second hand to an hour hand as they both sweep around a clockface. One is immediately noticeable, while the other isn't.
Left side feels okay today. I did some stretching last night along with very, and I mean VERY, light duty abdominal/leg exercises. Most people wouldn't even consider what I did as exercises. I learned my lesson from before though. I need to ease into things. So I'll do them again tonight and hopefully repeat them for a few weeks before I even think about advancing in them. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I Caved and Took My Medicine
Last night, I decided I wanted to be free of the annoying little ache on my right side. So I took some tylenol. The pain didn't go away until this morning. But I did sleep better last night. My wife and I also were together last night, so I'll be curious to see if my left side starts to hurt a little bit tonite or tomorrow.
Since my reversal, I thought my testosterone level might increase a little bit. It was around 417 which is in the normal range, but still low for someone of my age. Since my reversal, it is now 400 - still low. I thought it might increase a little bit, but almost 5 months out, it hasn't. Right around the second month post reversal, I had a surge of energy, my face was breaking out and I was feeling great (aside from the nerve pain, that is).
Now, that surge of energy has passed and I'm kind of back to my old ways. I have energy, just not in abundance. My mood is better, but it could just be because I'm hopeful the reversal worked.
I thought someone said it very well on the forum today. He said, "What I have found the hardest bit outside of the physical pain is not letting the pain affect you mentally. This is not easy but it is necessary as life is just too difficult with both physical and mental pain." That pretty much sums it up right there. PVPS gives you both physical and mental/emotional pain. The fact that it is not straitforward or consistent between people is also insane. It effects every one differently, and yet the results are the same.
The tylenol seems to have kicked in and my pain is gone on my right side. I hate the fact I am so dependent on medication to feel good. But as someone else said on the forum, (and I'm paraphrasing this time) - "if you can take a pill and have the pain go away, then why would you sit there and allow yourself to be in pain all the time?" I think this is sort of humbling because it means you are relying on something outside yourself to feel better, physically. I don't think anyone likes that idea.
Since my reversal, I thought my testosterone level might increase a little bit. It was around 417 which is in the normal range, but still low for someone of my age. Since my reversal, it is now 400 - still low. I thought it might increase a little bit, but almost 5 months out, it hasn't. Right around the second month post reversal, I had a surge of energy, my face was breaking out and I was feeling great (aside from the nerve pain, that is).
Now, that surge of energy has passed and I'm kind of back to my old ways. I have energy, just not in abundance. My mood is better, but it could just be because I'm hopeful the reversal worked.
I thought someone said it very well on the forum today. He said, "What I have found the hardest bit outside of the physical pain is not letting the pain affect you mentally. This is not easy but it is necessary as life is just too difficult with both physical and mental pain." That pretty much sums it up right there. PVPS gives you both physical and mental/emotional pain. The fact that it is not straitforward or consistent between people is also insane. It effects every one differently, and yet the results are the same.
The tylenol seems to have kicked in and my pain is gone on my right side. I hate the fact I am so dependent on medication to feel good. But as someone else said on the forum, (and I'm paraphrasing this time) - "if you can take a pill and have the pain go away, then why would you sit there and allow yourself to be in pain all the time?" I think this is sort of humbling because it means you are relying on something outside yourself to feel better, physically. I don't think anyone likes that idea.
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