What can I say, you either crawl in a hole and give up or move forward with the realization you'll never be 100% again. That's kind of where I've been the last month. After having no many great months or rather blocks of weeks with little pain, the last month has been a challenge. This hernia pain which I posted about last time continues to rear its ugly head. It seems to worsen with physical activity, either long hours at work or when I try to actually run/playing basketball. It seems that running and jumping are bad for my with regards to my pain.
It seems like walking or hiking is all my nether area can tolerate. This makes me think that something is anatomically wrong down there on my left side. My right side has been relatively pain free, with the exception of an occasional twinge here and there. I'd like to get a sonogram of my left side to see if everything looks as it is supposed to, but I know that would be an out of pocket expense that likely wouldn't pay off, since most ultrasounds of the testes don't show very much. Maybe a CT scan would be better, but then the expense might be cost prohibitive since they cost roughly $1200.
So here I am, stuck between a rock and a you know what. Just living with this pain with no real future. It kind of stinks because the pain is significant enough to keep me from the activities I love to do most. Not to mention I need these aerobic outlets for my heart so it can stay in shape. Walking on a treadmill just doesn't give me the aerobic workout I'm looking for, when compared to playing basketball or going for a light jog.
So am I better since my vasectomy reversal? Prior to reversal my scrotum was constantly swollen and in pain. Since the reversal, the swelling is gone, but it is replaced with this terrible, intermittent nerve pain which makes my left testicle feel like it's about to explode from within.
It's kind of a toss up. One thing is for sure though, I'll never be back to 100% and that kind of sucks. I'd put myself at about 70% of what I used to be before I had my vasectomy, about 7 years ago. Some guys feel worse, other people suffer from other terrible diseases and situations. I guess I should count myself fortunate and blessed. Honestly though, it's hard to view it that way. But I know it's the approach I should take.
The good Lord has seen me this far, I know he'll see me the rest of the way. So be thankful for good days. This is the motto we should all be sticking to, even when we don't feel like it.
Showing posts with label hernia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hernia. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Hernia Type Pain Returned
I've been working now for almost two full months. There has been a lot of strain to my groin as a result, when compared to the zero activity relatively associated with being a stay at home dad. I'm not sure if it's the work activity or something else (who really knows when it comes to PVPS), but I've had a return of the hernia like pain in my left testicle. It starts out as racking pain, then turns into that uncomfortable hernia like pain. I had this checked out last year, which I think I blogged about, but the examination came back negative. The guy said that I'd need a CT scan or something of that nature to determine if there was a weakening of the inguinal canal on the left side.
But then the severe hernia type of pain just kind of stopped. If there was any pain on the left side, it was usually that racking pain, until about 1 week ago. It is so frustrating how things can be ticking along just fine and then "whammo", out of the blue, some weird pain starts down there.
Every once in a while, I actually think my body is completely healed from my PVPS, then I get a burning sensation, twinge or pain in my scrotum/inguinal area. It is very deflating to say the least as reality hits you upside the head.
In fact, I was in the kitchen the other day. I was putting the dinner plates on the table. I set 1 down, then another. I was about to set the third down when a sharp pain made it's presence known in my inguinal region. I turned to my wife, who was also in the kitchen, and expressed my frustration and wonder about it all. In this case, I wasn't lifting anything heavy, stooping, bending, etc. - I was just putting the plates on the table.
As a result of the hernia-scrotal pain on my left side, I've returned to wearing the old faithful athletic supporter. I wear it most days at work (just in case). It seems to help with this pain, as did the ibuprofen I took. But I can still feel that sensation down on my left side. Like it's about to trigger a full blown outbreak with a pain reading of about 7-8 on a pain scale of 1-10. So I'm careful and try not to do too much until this passes.
Who knows, it could just be part of my pain cycle which brings significant increases in pain related symptoms every couple of months. I guess we'll see.
But then the severe hernia type of pain just kind of stopped. If there was any pain on the left side, it was usually that racking pain, until about 1 week ago. It is so frustrating how things can be ticking along just fine and then "whammo", out of the blue, some weird pain starts down there.
Every once in a while, I actually think my body is completely healed from my PVPS, then I get a burning sensation, twinge or pain in my scrotum/inguinal area. It is very deflating to say the least as reality hits you upside the head.
In fact, I was in the kitchen the other day. I was putting the dinner plates on the table. I set 1 down, then another. I was about to set the third down when a sharp pain made it's presence known in my inguinal region. I turned to my wife, who was also in the kitchen, and expressed my frustration and wonder about it all. In this case, I wasn't lifting anything heavy, stooping, bending, etc. - I was just putting the plates on the table.
As a result of the hernia-scrotal pain on my left side, I've returned to wearing the old faithful athletic supporter. I wear it most days at work (just in case). It seems to help with this pain, as did the ibuprofen I took. But I can still feel that sensation down on my left side. Like it's about to trigger a full blown outbreak with a pain reading of about 7-8 on a pain scale of 1-10. So I'm careful and try not to do too much until this passes.
Who knows, it could just be part of my pain cycle which brings significant increases in pain related symptoms every couple of months. I guess we'll see.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Battling Through the Pain
It's been a couple of days since I noticed this hernia-like pain on my left side. Wearing the athletic supporter and taking the ibuprofen seemed to help. Yesterday, I went to bed feeling ship-shape. However this morning, I noticed the return of that sensation on my left side again. I just pray and hope this sensation will go away on in the next few days.
In the meantime, I guess it's a return to the athletic supporter. There have been times when I've worn the athletic supporter for weeks at a time. So this won't be anything new for me. I just wish I were past this stage of needing to resort to this coping mechanism. Perhaps, I'll never get past this stage.
While sitting here this morning, I've also noticed the familiar twinge in my left inguinal area. It feels like something is folding on itself inside my inguinal area. I've often wondered if this pain and sensations I have, aren't some how related to the mesh inside me from my inguinal hernia surgery way back when I was in my early twenties. I'm not sure about the lifespan of a hernia repair.
My title is battling through the pain. It really does feel like a battle sometimes - a real war. Some days I lose and other days I win. The back and forth is very frustrating. People who suffer from chronic pain, probably struggle with this most of all.
It should just make me glad for the good days. I really am thankful for the good days. It just gets a little frustrating having to get off that high plateau and tumble back into the war zone.
On an unrelated matter, I've been having sharp chest pains too. I'm not sure, but it feels like ribcage pain. Sometimes, it worsens when I breathe in deep or push around on my ribs and sternum. Weird. Anyway, just thought I would throw that one in. I hope it's not real chest (cardiac) pain. Challenging nevertheless, especially when I'm hurting down under.
In the meantime, I guess it's a return to the athletic supporter. There have been times when I've worn the athletic supporter for weeks at a time. So this won't be anything new for me. I just wish I were past this stage of needing to resort to this coping mechanism. Perhaps, I'll never get past this stage.
While sitting here this morning, I've also noticed the familiar twinge in my left inguinal area. It feels like something is folding on itself inside my inguinal area. I've often wondered if this pain and sensations I have, aren't some how related to the mesh inside me from my inguinal hernia surgery way back when I was in my early twenties. I'm not sure about the lifespan of a hernia repair.
My title is battling through the pain. It really does feel like a battle sometimes - a real war. Some days I lose and other days I win. The back and forth is very frustrating. People who suffer from chronic pain, probably struggle with this most of all.
It should just make me glad for the good days. I really am thankful for the good days. It just gets a little frustrating having to get off that high plateau and tumble back into the war zone.
On an unrelated matter, I've been having sharp chest pains too. I'm not sure, but it feels like ribcage pain. Sometimes, it worsens when I breathe in deep or push around on my ribs and sternum. Weird. Anyway, just thought I would throw that one in. I hope it's not real chest (cardiac) pain. Challenging nevertheless, especially when I'm hurting down under.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
A Little Better - A Prayer
I have to say that I'm a little better than yesterday. Marginal might be a good description. I still feel like my left side is getting pushed down on from up above inside my abdomen (the hernia-like pain I described in yesterday's post). The athletic supporter may have helped or perhaps the lack of sitting down on hard surfaces. Maybe the one dose of ibuprofen helped; hard to know for sure what may have helped.
But this remains a disconcerting feeling. Hopefully, it too shall pass. More of the same today - athletic support, ibuprofen, walking and prayer. Not necessarily in that order.
Dear Lord, you know what I'm going through and what other people are going through. Please meet us in our needs. It seems silly to ask for relief from pain related to a vasectomy, but I ask nonetheless. You tell us to make all our requests known to you, so that is what I'm doing. Asking you to bring me off the roller coaster of emotion and fear. Lead me to the calm waters. Grant me peace and comfort. Please get me through this uneasy pain and anxiety.
I also pray for anyone else having pain. I pray you'd be glorified in their pain and circumstances. I pray you'd bring them healing and that your will would be done in the healing you bring. You don't need us for anything, yet we are always dependent upon you for everything. Guide us through the pain and help us to see your glory. May we be filled with your joy and spirit, may we praise your name today and tomorrow. May we trust in you, the giver of life itself. Your providence I trust and your name I honor. Amen
But this remains a disconcerting feeling. Hopefully, it too shall pass. More of the same today - athletic support, ibuprofen, walking and prayer. Not necessarily in that order.
Dear Lord, you know what I'm going through and what other people are going through. Please meet us in our needs. It seems silly to ask for relief from pain related to a vasectomy, but I ask nonetheless. You tell us to make all our requests known to you, so that is what I'm doing. Asking you to bring me off the roller coaster of emotion and fear. Lead me to the calm waters. Grant me peace and comfort. Please get me through this uneasy pain and anxiety.
I also pray for anyone else having pain. I pray you'd be glorified in their pain and circumstances. I pray you'd bring them healing and that your will would be done in the healing you bring. You don't need us for anything, yet we are always dependent upon you for everything. Guide us through the pain and help us to see your glory. May we be filled with your joy and spirit, may we praise your name today and tomorrow. May we trust in you, the giver of life itself. Your providence I trust and your name I honor. Amen
Monday, November 12, 2012
Back to the Athletic Supporter
It seems like a long time since I've felt like I needed to wear my athletic supporter. I usually wear it when I don't know what else to do. That's where I find myself this morning. I have noticed something a little bit more significant on my left side, beginning yesterday. It is kind of a mix of racking pain, hernia "full" feeling in my left testicle and nerve pain in my inguinal area.
It sounds like the trifecta of PVPS. After breakfast this morning, I took some ibuprofen, as that helps with the racking pain. Then I took a shower. I palpated my boys during the shower and felt this tendon-like structure running vertical across the top of my left testicle. When I touched it, it hurt.
I remember taking a bath last year and noticing this same type of "thing" running across my testicle. Back then, it felt like I was having a hernia inside my testicle; as if my innards were falling into my scrotum on the left side.
That pain eventually passed, but it took about 3 days of ibuprofen, rest and athletic support. I pray this won't be with me for 3 days this time, if it is indeed the same thing - which I'm not sure it is.
As an FYI, I also have noticed right inguinal pain that radiates down my right thigh. But this has been intermittent at best and not long lasting.
Today, I will try to stay off my butt and keep wearing the athletic supporter. I will also keep the ibuprofen handy, just in case.
It sounds like the trifecta of PVPS. After breakfast this morning, I took some ibuprofen, as that helps with the racking pain. Then I took a shower. I palpated my boys during the shower and felt this tendon-like structure running vertical across the top of my left testicle. When I touched it, it hurt.
I remember taking a bath last year and noticing this same type of "thing" running across my testicle. Back then, it felt like I was having a hernia inside my testicle; as if my innards were falling into my scrotum on the left side.
That pain eventually passed, but it took about 3 days of ibuprofen, rest and athletic support. I pray this won't be with me for 3 days this time, if it is indeed the same thing - which I'm not sure it is.
As an FYI, I also have noticed right inguinal pain that radiates down my right thigh. But this has been intermittent at best and not long lasting.
Today, I will try to stay off my butt and keep wearing the athletic supporter. I will also keep the ibuprofen handy, just in case.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
A Few Changes, But Not Really
I always hate having to come up with witty titles for blog entries. I think I've come up with some clever ones, and then others just fall lame. I think this title sums everything up pretty well. Let me explain.
There have been a few changes in my life. We have moved back to the pacific northwest. Our time in Knoxville was only about 5 months, and I'm honestly glad it's behind us. The culture, environment, etc. just wasn't what we were looking for. Plus, the job situation never really panned out. Wow, this economy is a lot tougher than I thought. You know it's tough when we can't even get a job in health care. An industry that is always desperate for help. So we've changed, but not really, because we're back in the area we love. Weird how stuff like that works out (not really, it's simply God's providence in our lives).
Okay then, what else? Well, on the vasectomy side effect front, I had a return of the racking pain to my left testicle. Not just any ole' racking pain, but the one where it feels like my guts are about to drop into my back of goodies...hernia-esque' type of pain. I tried to figure out why I was having this pain and the best I can come up with, is the fact I was sitting "Indian-style" for several hours as I went through some much needed filing.
Then I remembered that when I sit "Indian-style", with my legs crossed in front of me, I get this hernia/racking pain on my left side. So again, a change but not really. I just forgot that I can't do that for very long.
So I popped a couple ibuprofen and went to bed. The next morning, the pain was gone. So no more sitting like that for me.
One nice thing about being back in the NW, it is much easier to be active up here than in the south. Not sure why, it just is. Hiking and walking outdoors is just the norm up here. Down in the south, everyone takes a car, even if you're just heading a mile down the street. So the walking and activity should be very welcomed changes. It's also not as hot, so you don't mind being outdoors more here. If there's one thing that helps my nerve related pain, it's walking and activity. So I'm glad to be back for many reasons.
This is one of those big news things I spoke of in my last post. But there's another one coming. I'll let everyone know what it is in a few weeks. I have to put the final touches on it first. Then I'll announce the VERY BIG NEWS. I probably shouldn't over-sell it...okay, more like kinda of big news. There, that's better. So until next time...May God bless you and may you find strength and comfort in him.
There have been a few changes in my life. We have moved back to the pacific northwest. Our time in Knoxville was only about 5 months, and I'm honestly glad it's behind us. The culture, environment, etc. just wasn't what we were looking for. Plus, the job situation never really panned out. Wow, this economy is a lot tougher than I thought. You know it's tough when we can't even get a job in health care. An industry that is always desperate for help. So we've changed, but not really, because we're back in the area we love. Weird how stuff like that works out (not really, it's simply God's providence in our lives).
Okay then, what else? Well, on the vasectomy side effect front, I had a return of the racking pain to my left testicle. Not just any ole' racking pain, but the one where it feels like my guts are about to drop into my back of goodies...hernia-esque' type of pain. I tried to figure out why I was having this pain and the best I can come up with, is the fact I was sitting "Indian-style" for several hours as I went through some much needed filing.
Then I remembered that when I sit "Indian-style", with my legs crossed in front of me, I get this hernia/racking pain on my left side. So again, a change but not really. I just forgot that I can't do that for very long.
So I popped a couple ibuprofen and went to bed. The next morning, the pain was gone. So no more sitting like that for me.
One nice thing about being back in the NW, it is much easier to be active up here than in the south. Not sure why, it just is. Hiking and walking outdoors is just the norm up here. Down in the south, everyone takes a car, even if you're just heading a mile down the street. So the walking and activity should be very welcomed changes. It's also not as hot, so you don't mind being outdoors more here. If there's one thing that helps my nerve related pain, it's walking and activity. So I'm glad to be back for many reasons.
This is one of those big news things I spoke of in my last post. But there's another one coming. I'll let everyone know what it is in a few weeks. I have to put the final touches on it first. Then I'll announce the VERY BIG NEWS. I probably shouldn't over-sell it...okay, more like kinda of big news. There, that's better. So until next time...May God bless you and may you find strength and comfort in him.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Persistent Racking Pain
I've had this racking pain on my left side off and on since my reversal. Then a couple months ago, it became much more of a player in my daily life. Not a day goes by when I don't have this racking pain/sensation on my left side.
This is the same pain that is present when I had that popping feeling in my left scrotum. I really thought I was having a hernia down there on that side. I still have my suspicions despite getting it checked out. The guy said he couldn't feel the hernia, but my symptoms were all classic hernia-like symptoms.
So the other day, I decided to get back on the treadmill after my latest pain flare-up. Usually I warm up for about 8 minutes before getting to my top speed of 4 mph. It doesn't sound very fast, I know, but when you're in the terrible shape I'm in, that's plenty fast. So I wanted to warm up even slower than normal because of this racking pain I've had. After about 5 minutes, I 'jumped' up to 2.6 mph. That's when it hit me. Very extreme and immediate racking pain on the left side. It felt like my left scrotum was filling with rocks. I had to get off the treadmill and head to the bathroom.
Interestingly, this happened while I was wearing athletic support. After I made sure I was having a strangled hernia down there, I returned to the treadmill and made another slow go of it. I eventually got all the way up to 3 mph, but couldn't go any faster for fear of pain.
So, I think it's time to get this checked out. Because I don't think it's nerve pain. Rather, it seems more like a mechanical problem. Like something is moving that shouldn't be. Maybe I'll get an MRI or sonogram to make sure it's not a hernia.
I'm going for a flat hike today with the family. I hope nothing bad happens while we're out there. But I will be taking it easy for sure. Luckily, the kids don't hike very fast.
Also, my right side has been pretty decent. If the left side would just calm down and give me a break, life would be pretty decent. I've been taking ibuprofen to and it seems to help with the pain, but I can't keep taking ibuprofen as my cardiologist says that's a bad thing for my heart.
This is the same pain that is present when I had that popping feeling in my left scrotum. I really thought I was having a hernia down there on that side. I still have my suspicions despite getting it checked out. The guy said he couldn't feel the hernia, but my symptoms were all classic hernia-like symptoms.
So the other day, I decided to get back on the treadmill after my latest pain flare-up. Usually I warm up for about 8 minutes before getting to my top speed of 4 mph. It doesn't sound very fast, I know, but when you're in the terrible shape I'm in, that's plenty fast. So I wanted to warm up even slower than normal because of this racking pain I've had. After about 5 minutes, I 'jumped' up to 2.6 mph. That's when it hit me. Very extreme and immediate racking pain on the left side. It felt like my left scrotum was filling with rocks. I had to get off the treadmill and head to the bathroom.
Interestingly, this happened while I was wearing athletic support. After I made sure I was having a strangled hernia down there, I returned to the treadmill and made another slow go of it. I eventually got all the way up to 3 mph, but couldn't go any faster for fear of pain.
So, I think it's time to get this checked out. Because I don't think it's nerve pain. Rather, it seems more like a mechanical problem. Like something is moving that shouldn't be. Maybe I'll get an MRI or sonogram to make sure it's not a hernia.
I'm going for a flat hike today with the family. I hope nothing bad happens while we're out there. But I will be taking it easy for sure. Luckily, the kids don't hike very fast.
Also, my right side has been pretty decent. If the left side would just calm down and give me a break, life would be pretty decent. I've been taking ibuprofen to and it seems to help with the pain, but I can't keep taking ibuprofen as my cardiologist says that's a bad thing for my heart.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Pain Observation and Choices
I've noticed that my pain has transitioned over the last year since my reversal. At first, it was a knifing pain that hit intermittently. There would also be this racking pain I'd get on my left side which would also occur with the same randomness. Both pains lasted for short periods of time, like less than a few seconds at a time, although the racking pain would last a bit longer.
Now, I've got daily, long-lasting pain. The levels of pain are random. Sometimes it hurts like crazy (level 7-8) for a long time while other times it stays about a level 3-4 on a 1-10 pain scale, with 10 being the worst pain imaginable.
The racking pain is almost constant and can be very painful at times. It is a different racking pain than I had in the beginning though. This is more of a mechanical pain. What I mean by that is, it feels like something is pushing down into my scrotum causing the pain. Before, I would just have the sensation and it seemed more nerve related.
I still feel like I've got something pushing down, like a hernia or something like that. Interestingly, when I take ibuprofen, an anti-inflammatory, the pain seems to subside. I'm not sure why.
The nerve pain on my right side remain fairly dormant these days. I can push on my right groin with my hand and it hurts. But unless I bend over the wrong way or lift something I shouldn't, the pain seems to be only a bothersome twinge, at most. Of course, now that I've said this, it'll probably come back with a raging vengeance.
I believe I'd like to evaluate this racking pain on my left side with a urologist. Maybe have a sonogram to see what the deal is. Perhaps a CT scan or MRI.
In the meantime, I keep wearing an athletic supporter almost every day. That seems to help a bit. I hate the fact my boys and stuff are cramped together down there, but it seems like that helps with the pain. It's like, if they hang too loose for too long, some kind of stretching takes place that my body doesn't want to deal with.
I hope to get back on the treadmill again tomorrow. I have a job interview tomorrow and so I don't want to push my luck beforehand. I would like to be able to sit upright during the interview.
On a side note, I've also been reading a lot about a neurolysis procedure where they basically kill the nerve(s) in the groin that send the pain signals to your brain. A doctor in Florida reports an 86% satisfaction rate for his targeted robotic procedure. I'm still considering a "clean-up" surgery to get rid of any extra scar tissue as well. I wouldn't say I'm completely sold on doing anything else, but I can't imagine living the rest of my life in this kind of condition.
So, Lord willing, I'll get better or have a the right surgery to make it better. I pray for God's direction on what I should do.
Now, I've got daily, long-lasting pain. The levels of pain are random. Sometimes it hurts like crazy (level 7-8) for a long time while other times it stays about a level 3-4 on a 1-10 pain scale, with 10 being the worst pain imaginable.
The racking pain is almost constant and can be very painful at times. It is a different racking pain than I had in the beginning though. This is more of a mechanical pain. What I mean by that is, it feels like something is pushing down into my scrotum causing the pain. Before, I would just have the sensation and it seemed more nerve related.
I still feel like I've got something pushing down, like a hernia or something like that. Interestingly, when I take ibuprofen, an anti-inflammatory, the pain seems to subside. I'm not sure why.
The nerve pain on my right side remain fairly dormant these days. I can push on my right groin with my hand and it hurts. But unless I bend over the wrong way or lift something I shouldn't, the pain seems to be only a bothersome twinge, at most. Of course, now that I've said this, it'll probably come back with a raging vengeance.
I believe I'd like to evaluate this racking pain on my left side with a urologist. Maybe have a sonogram to see what the deal is. Perhaps a CT scan or MRI.
In the meantime, I keep wearing an athletic supporter almost every day. That seems to help a bit. I hate the fact my boys and stuff are cramped together down there, but it seems like that helps with the pain. It's like, if they hang too loose for too long, some kind of stretching takes place that my body doesn't want to deal with.
I hope to get back on the treadmill again tomorrow. I have a job interview tomorrow and so I don't want to push my luck beforehand. I would like to be able to sit upright during the interview.
On a side note, I've also been reading a lot about a neurolysis procedure where they basically kill the nerve(s) in the groin that send the pain signals to your brain. A doctor in Florida reports an 86% satisfaction rate for his targeted robotic procedure. I'm still considering a "clean-up" surgery to get rid of any extra scar tissue as well. I wouldn't say I'm completely sold on doing anything else, but I can't imagine living the rest of my life in this kind of condition.
So, Lord willing, I'll get better or have a the right surgery to make it better. I pray for God's direction on what I should do.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Keeping An Eternal Perspective
I did several things last week when I was at my wit's end. I thought I had a hernia and got it checked out. I was miserable and had to take a hydrocodone to alleviate the pain. I also started wearing an athletic supporter everyday. I read my Bible, specifically the Book of Job. I prayed a lot.
What are the results you might ask. Well, let me tell you. My pain dramatically decreased. I wore the athletic supporter for about 10 days. I stopped wearing it yesterday. Strangely, it felt better when I stopped wearing it. It's like the athletic supporter needed to brace me up a bit so my ligaments would stop being stretched or my nerves would stop being yanked around. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what the athletic supporter does. I just know I've worn it twice since my reversal and I've felt better because of it.
Now, I'm not discounting the reading and prayer. Interestingly, after my rather lengthy talk with God a week ago Monday, I was in a much better frame of mind, spirit and body. I think he brought me to a place of understanding. Much like Job though, I'm not necessarily happy about what I understand. Rather, I'm just not experiencing as much mental strife.
If I don't continue to pray and read the Bible, I can see where I'll find myself in the same dark place of desperation. Even yesterday, I found myself getting quite angry over a twinge in my right groin. It was like, "Wow, I've had several good days and now, for no reason, I'm having this twinge. Why can't I catch a break?"
We're always looking to ask "why, why, why". I know that has been my favorite question these last 8 years. I don't really think it's our right to ask "why". I could be wrong, but I think we just need to accept what happens and realize that God will use it for his glory. A verse in Romans says something like, "...all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose."
Well, I love God. I feel called according to HIS purpose - some of the time anyway. The way I look at it these days, this will all work together for good. Some how, this nerve pain will work out to some better and higher purpose, according to Christ. Listen, I know this isn't your typical view on how to see something like chronic pain, but I really feel like this is it. It makes me sad to think about people who don't know Jesus, who don't know God as their father in Heaven. What kind of hope do they have?
If this nerve pain has twisted my spirit inside-out, and I'm a christian, what must it do to people who don't have an eternal perspective...who don't have a hope for something better? It's hard for me to conceptualize. But it doesn't mean God can't still work in their lives. It doesn't mean they have to be without that hope forever. I know that God loves all of us and wants the best for all of us, just like any good father. Unfortunately, our decisions get in his way sometimes, most of the time actually. So we suffer the consequences of our decisions. But, there's hope. We won't be confined to these bodies for eternity.
It's that hope in Christ that keeps me going...honestly. I'm not just trying to be preachy here, I really mean what I say. Without Jesus, I'm not sure what kind of bad place I'd be stuck in. Anger, resentment, depression, and self pity would be constant companions. As it is, they only come over for very brief visits. Thank God.
So today, I'm feeling a little pain in my groin. My left testicle gets that racking feeling periodically. I'm back to walking, with athletic support in place. I try to stay off the computer as much as possible. I guess that's about it. Good luck and God bless.
What are the results you might ask. Well, let me tell you. My pain dramatically decreased. I wore the athletic supporter for about 10 days. I stopped wearing it yesterday. Strangely, it felt better when I stopped wearing it. It's like the athletic supporter needed to brace me up a bit so my ligaments would stop being stretched or my nerves would stop being yanked around. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what the athletic supporter does. I just know I've worn it twice since my reversal and I've felt better because of it.
Now, I'm not discounting the reading and prayer. Interestingly, after my rather lengthy talk with God a week ago Monday, I was in a much better frame of mind, spirit and body. I think he brought me to a place of understanding. Much like Job though, I'm not necessarily happy about what I understand. Rather, I'm just not experiencing as much mental strife.
If I don't continue to pray and read the Bible, I can see where I'll find myself in the same dark place of desperation. Even yesterday, I found myself getting quite angry over a twinge in my right groin. It was like, "Wow, I've had several good days and now, for no reason, I'm having this twinge. Why can't I catch a break?"
We're always looking to ask "why, why, why". I know that has been my favorite question these last 8 years. I don't really think it's our right to ask "why". I could be wrong, but I think we just need to accept what happens and realize that God will use it for his glory. A verse in Romans says something like, "...all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose."
Well, I love God. I feel called according to HIS purpose - some of the time anyway. The way I look at it these days, this will all work together for good. Some how, this nerve pain will work out to some better and higher purpose, according to Christ. Listen, I know this isn't your typical view on how to see something like chronic pain, but I really feel like this is it. It makes me sad to think about people who don't know Jesus, who don't know God as their father in Heaven. What kind of hope do they have?
If this nerve pain has twisted my spirit inside-out, and I'm a christian, what must it do to people who don't have an eternal perspective...who don't have a hope for something better? It's hard for me to conceptualize. But it doesn't mean God can't still work in their lives. It doesn't mean they have to be without that hope forever. I know that God loves all of us and wants the best for all of us, just like any good father. Unfortunately, our decisions get in his way sometimes, most of the time actually. So we suffer the consequences of our decisions. But, there's hope. We won't be confined to these bodies for eternity.
It's that hope in Christ that keeps me going...honestly. I'm not just trying to be preachy here, I really mean what I say. Without Jesus, I'm not sure what kind of bad place I'd be stuck in. Anger, resentment, depression, and self pity would be constant companions. As it is, they only come over for very brief visits. Thank God.
So today, I'm feeling a little pain in my groin. My left testicle gets that racking feeling periodically. I'm back to walking, with athletic support in place. I try to stay off the computer as much as possible. I guess that's about it. Good luck and God bless.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
God is the Great Physician
I know some people won't like my posting today. They may not believe in God or may not think the internet should be a place to talk about God. But at this point, I don't really care what other people think. I don't mean that in a pious or condescending way. Rather, I've spent much of my life too worried about what other people think and less about what God thinks, and it's done nothing but get me in trouble. So, I'm switching my approach.
Last Thursday night I had to take a hydrocodone because the pain was too intense. I went to an urgent care clinic the next day, (Friday) because I thought I might have had a hernia. I thought perhaps that is what was popping into my scrotum. Well, I saw the guy at the clinic and I dropped my trousers. I turned my head and coughed. I even bore down in my pelvic region like I was trying to pass a bowling ball. The guy looked up at me and said, "Nope, I'm not feeling anything down there".
He told me that my symptoms were classic hernia, but unless something 'gave' into my testicles, nobody would say I actually had a hernia. On a side note, when he positioned his fingers into place for the examination, the pain threw me back into my chair. I never had the opportunity to tell him my full PVPS story prior to his exam, although, I would have expected he would have read my chart prior to the exam. Anyway, he asked what the matter was and I was finally able to tell him to be a little more gentle as I have a ton of sensitivity down there.
So let's see now, that was Friday. I spent the rest of Friday night in pain but I didn't take anything except maybe some ibuprofen. Saturday and Sunday were improved. Monday was better and now today I'm blogging.
I read the book of Job in the Bible last night and finished up this morning. I've felt for some time now like Job, except the part about losing everything and being covered with boils. Okay, maybe I haven't exactly felt like Job, but I could certainly identify a little bit with his situation. Let me share what I learned.
1. I shouldn't blame God for my pain. I'll be honest. There have been times when I yelled at God. I realize now how stupid and arrogant that was. After all, I don't know where the east wind starts or where the hail is stored up. Only God knows. I am a sinner and God can't sin. I deserve death for my sin. God doesn't owe me a single thing.
2. I have a mediator between myself and God, something Job didn't have. I have Jesus to plead my case for me to the father in Heaven. That should and does give me hope.
3. I've been asking God to shape me into the man he wants me to be for quite a long time now. Perhaps, this pain is the only thing that will allow God to shape me. Maybe, I would be in a worse state, spiritually, if I hadn't been battling this condition or pain for so long. This could be God's way of getting the message through my thick skull.
4. I need to be thankful for all the blessings God gives me and if number 3 is correct, then I need to thank God for the pain too. I did that today in a prayer to God. I still can't believe it, but there I was speaking the words of gratitude to God.
5. I find it funny that I've always struggled with lust, sexual lust. I think most guys do. Some people would say it's natural, even healthy. But mine was a quiet obsession, as almost everything is sooner or later to me - I'm the definition of obsessive/compulsive. Lustful wanting is not healthy, for your spirit or your flesh. I think I finally get just how bad it is for you. So I find it ironic that I've spent most of my late adolescent and early adulthood caught up in lustful desires and now I've got pelvic pain related to a vasectomy.
So that is where I am today. I'm a broken and crushed man who is calling upon my Lord and Savior for help. I know he stands ready to heal my spirit and reconcile me to my God and Father. It's so wonderful to have mediator in Jesus. Where would we all be without him...dead in our sin with no hope. Praise God for his mercy and grace. His gift of salvation to us which we don't deserve. Thank you God. Amen.
Last Thursday night I had to take a hydrocodone because the pain was too intense. I went to an urgent care clinic the next day, (Friday) because I thought I might have had a hernia. I thought perhaps that is what was popping into my scrotum. Well, I saw the guy at the clinic and I dropped my trousers. I turned my head and coughed. I even bore down in my pelvic region like I was trying to pass a bowling ball. The guy looked up at me and said, "Nope, I'm not feeling anything down there".
He told me that my symptoms were classic hernia, but unless something 'gave' into my testicles, nobody would say I actually had a hernia. On a side note, when he positioned his fingers into place for the examination, the pain threw me back into my chair. I never had the opportunity to tell him my full PVPS story prior to his exam, although, I would have expected he would have read my chart prior to the exam. Anyway, he asked what the matter was and I was finally able to tell him to be a little more gentle as I have a ton of sensitivity down there.
So let's see now, that was Friday. I spent the rest of Friday night in pain but I didn't take anything except maybe some ibuprofen. Saturday and Sunday were improved. Monday was better and now today I'm blogging.
I read the book of Job in the Bible last night and finished up this morning. I've felt for some time now like Job, except the part about losing everything and being covered with boils. Okay, maybe I haven't exactly felt like Job, but I could certainly identify a little bit with his situation. Let me share what I learned.
1. I shouldn't blame God for my pain. I'll be honest. There have been times when I yelled at God. I realize now how stupid and arrogant that was. After all, I don't know where the east wind starts or where the hail is stored up. Only God knows. I am a sinner and God can't sin. I deserve death for my sin. God doesn't owe me a single thing.
2. I have a mediator between myself and God, something Job didn't have. I have Jesus to plead my case for me to the father in Heaven. That should and does give me hope.
3. I've been asking God to shape me into the man he wants me to be for quite a long time now. Perhaps, this pain is the only thing that will allow God to shape me. Maybe, I would be in a worse state, spiritually, if I hadn't been battling this condition or pain for so long. This could be God's way of getting the message through my thick skull.
4. I need to be thankful for all the blessings God gives me and if number 3 is correct, then I need to thank God for the pain too. I did that today in a prayer to God. I still can't believe it, but there I was speaking the words of gratitude to God.
5. I find it funny that I've always struggled with lust, sexual lust. I think most guys do. Some people would say it's natural, even healthy. But mine was a quiet obsession, as almost everything is sooner or later to me - I'm the definition of obsessive/compulsive. Lustful wanting is not healthy, for your spirit or your flesh. I think I finally get just how bad it is for you. So I find it ironic that I've spent most of my late adolescent and early adulthood caught up in lustful desires and now I've got pelvic pain related to a vasectomy.
So that is where I am today. I'm a broken and crushed man who is calling upon my Lord and Savior for help. I know he stands ready to heal my spirit and reconcile me to my God and Father. It's so wonderful to have mediator in Jesus. Where would we all be without him...dead in our sin with no hope. Praise God for his mercy and grace. His gift of salvation to us which we don't deserve. Thank you God. Amen.
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