Sharp Pinching Sensation and a Prayer

Today I was laying in bed on my left side, with my typical pillow between my knees. This is how I sleep most of the time, or on my back. Anyway, I've been straitening out my left leg (the one under the pillow) for a while now. So basically, my right leg (on top of the pillow) is the only one in the fetal position. It's a nice change of pace and hasn't been painful in any way at all...until this morning that is.

I'm not sure what the deal was. Interestingly, it all started when I had to get up 3 times to pee last night. And by pee, I don't mean dribble, dribble. Nope, I had to go. So it wasn't like a prostate thing, like you see on the TV commercials. Rather, it was as if someone had slipped me a diuretic before bedtime; I had to go and go badly.

Finally, around 6:15 am, I woke up and turned to my side to sleep as I described above, left leg straight, right leg in the fetal position. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I had this pinching, almost burning pain in my right testicle, on the back side. This is where your epididymous is located. I felt down there and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I hadn't smashed my testicle or anything like that. There was plenty of room for maneuvering down there. So I straightened out my right leg and the pain disappeared.

I reconnoitered and brought my right leg up again, and sure enough, the pinching pain returned. I repeated this about 5 times, with the same result. With every fetal curl, my right testicle would feel like someone was burying a needle into it, about an inch deep. I tried to just toughen it out, but eventually had to relent, too much pain.

I rolled back over to my back and laid there. No snoozing for me this morning. I stayed awake the remainder of the morning until I got up. I noticed I was a little sore down there during breakfast, so I took 1 Tylenol, just in case it wouldn't go away.

It's pain like that which causes my anxiety level to increase. Random pains down there which seem positional in nature, make me think that anatomically, something is not quite right post vasectomy reversal. I really wish I had a video tape of my reversal.

But more likely, there is probably just some scar tissue down there that is rubbing against something or pinching something it shouldn't. When I think about this, I start to get fanciful ideas about having another surgery to "clean up" the area, kind of like when an athlete gets their knee cleaned out. But I don't dare have another surgery down there, if I can help it.

This is the roller coaster thinking you do when you have PVPS. Your mind play out numerous scenarios back and forth with a slew of "would of", "could of", and "should of" 's. Very tiring thinking and frustrating.

I'm reading a book about Mother Theresa. She talks about trusting in God for all things and then expecting him to come through in the clutch. I think that's where I struggle, the "expecting him to come through" part. But I think this is part of the master's plan for my spiritual growth. Or rather, not part of his initial plan, but since it's happened, he'll use it to that end.

So I guess it's back to just trusting God through all of this. Not letting myself get on that emotional roller coaster.

"Lord, please help me to trust in you. To expect that you'll help me. To absolutely count on it. You've done it before, with my marriage, my family, my career, etc. So why should I expect anything to change. You are the creator of the universe and you can do all things. Help me to trust you and to give it all to you. Not leaning on my own strength and understanding, but yours and yours alone. Speak to me with that still, small, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. Lead me through this and whatever else you know lies in my path. May you receive the glory and honor forever and ever. In Jesus name, amen."   

Why You Should Not Have a Vasectomy

My left testicle is still reminding me that it's there. Yesterday, I picked up a pumpkin to put it in the mini-van. Three minutes later, I had that vice grip feeling on the left side. I can't believe that by picking up a 15 pound pumpkin, my boys would hurt. But that's the nature of vasectomy pain syndrome. It doesn't seem to take much to aggravate them.

My wife and I were intimate again last Saturday night. I didn't have any pain or discomfort while we were together, thank the Lord. I've heard other people say they have extreme pain with ejaculation. I think I'd turn into a monk if that were the case. My right side still has some referred pain, into my right abdomen, over by my side. I'm also having that spasm feeling behind my right testicle. I sometimes call it a burning or paper cut sensation. That seems to show up after ejaculations. Like the vas deference is refilling with sperm and it doesn't like it. Hard to explain, but it's there none-the-less.

It seems like ejaculations make my right side have this referred pain more often too. At least that's the case this time around. Interestingly, my left side has a horizontal line impression in it. It's weird. A perfectly straight line, completely horizontal. I'll have to ask the guys on the forum about that. You know, I saw the line before, but hadn't noticed how perfectly horizontal it was, nor how pronounced it was. I just thought it was a weird looking wrinkle in my scrotum.

So I guess that's it for today. I'm now 10 months and 1 week post op from my reversal and if I measure my outcome in terms of months, I'd say I am getting better with each month. But I also have more coping mechanisms than before this journey started. I just keep praying that God will continue to be with me on this journey and that I'll have a great outcome. I also keep praying that God will use my situation to help men make the decision to NOT have a vasectomy. There really is a lot of wisdom that many doctors have, which is God designed us to be a certain way and when we start having surgies to mess with that design, we're asking for trouble.

Coping Mechanisms for Vasectomy Pain

I was talking to my pain mentor last week and he told me that when my behavior changes because of the pain, that I am coping. I can see his point, but I wish I could engage in those activities without having to worry about pain. I'm tired of coping, but it will be with me the rest of my life - for better or worse.

Well, I've learned about another coping mechanism or behavior change. As everyone knows, I have been on a walking program for a while now - about 2 months. The walking not only helps my nerve pain, by getting me off my backside, but it also helps me with my cardiomyopathy (weak heart). My heart is supposed to be normal again, but I still don't feel like it's all quite right.

Anyway, I've been walking about 2 miles in 30 minutes - or about 4 mph. This isn' very fast, I know. When I was walking last year, before my pain, I'd be up to 5.5 mph and I'd be running a little bit too. But pain has a way of reeling all that in a bit. However, I have been getting a little more aggressive with my walking. There is a route I take by my house that incorporates a lot of strenuous hills and steep grades. So, even though I'm only walking 4 mph, a lot of that has uphill grades which increase the cardio workout.

Sadly, it also increases the core, groin, upper leg muscle workout as well. I believe the recent pain I've had is related to the steep climbing I've been doing on my walks. My abdomen was actually sore from walking and I noticed yesterday that my groin was hurting, which in turn made my nerve pain hurt.

So, I think I have to stick to less intensive walks - for a while anyway. Maybe I'll try to get up to 5 mph on a flat surface, then maybe try to walk a little slower on the more hilly routes. Again, just trying to cope with the pain. I also did a little light stretching last week, which probably didn't help things either. But it's hard to walk without stretching too. I'm going to need to come up with a way to stretch, yet keeping my nerve pain from acting up.

Okay, so today is Monday and I'm not really having much pain today. Yesterday, I had a little left testicular ache and the burning or paper cut sensation on the back of my testicles. I took a tylenol over the weekend to help. I also took a hot bath last night. Again, more coping mechanisms for pain.

Vasectomy Pain Symptoms Are Puzzling

There's a part in "The Grinch" when the narrator tells us the Grinch "puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore". Vasectomy pain symptoms are a lot like that. They leave you puzzled. You aren't sure why you have them. You aren't sure where they originate from, although you have your suspicions. They always come in different flavors, shapes and sizes.

Yesterday, I have another one to add to the list of pains and sensations. This one, was a take on an oldie, but a goodie - the burning sensation. However, this time, the entire right scrotum was on fire. It lasted for about 1 minute...one of the longest minutes of my life. It hurt, but it wasn't painful - if that makes any sense. Then, I'd get just hints of a burning sensations on the right side during the rest of the day. In fact, I just had one a second ago, while I was typing this. "The power of suggestion", I guess??

I did walk yesterday. It had a little uphill action to it, so my lower back and abdomen had to work a little more to keep me stable. Last night, that area was pretty painful. But it was an exercise-like pain, not a nerve pain, so I was encouraged. It's amazing how just knowing the difference between pain, makes one not seem to hurt as much.

Today, my inguinal areas are hurting a little, off and on. This seems nerve related. I'll go for another walk today (on a more flat surface) and see if that helps. But I still think the bad part of the pain cycle is readying to hit. I hope it doesn't, but like I said yesterday, there's not a whole lot I can do to prevent it.

Burning Sensation After Vasectomy

It's a weird thing. Once you identify a cycle and can identify the clues, you just kind of sit back and wait. You wait for the next thing to happen. Right now, I'm just waiting to go into my bad cycle after a couple of weeks of feeling pretty good. I've had a couple of hints that it is on its way. So now I'm just waiting.

Well, I'm not exactly waiting. I'm still trying to be proactive in an effort to prolong the good part of my cycle for as long as possible. I'm taking hot baths, walking, I even took a tylenol last night because it was starting to hurt before I went to bed.

Yesterday I started getting those spasms in my scrotum, or at least what I imagine are spasms. I don't know for sure. But it feels like something behind my testes are vibrating rather quickly. So much so, that it sends a "warming" or burning sensation to my brain. When I start getting these, I know what's coming...pain.

In the past, I'd have these burning sensations for a couple of days before the never-ending nerve pain appeared. But as I like to say, I am hopeful that it won't happen this time. That walking and the hot baths will stave it off. We'll see. In actuality, I know that I have no real control over this. The walking and hot baths just make me feel like I'm able to do something about it, but I know the truth - I'm not in control. But I figure the walking is good for my heart and other parts and the hot baths do relax me a bit, so it's a win-win.

So far this morning, I'm doing okay. Just the rare "sensations" in my scrotum and inguinal areas. About to go for a walk, so pray with me that the bad cycle will stay away.

Irritating Burning Sensation

I've talked about this burning sensation I get behind my scrotum on the right side. It still persists and comes and goes with seemingly no reason. It is very disconcerting because it makes me wonder if something is not quite right. I've only had this sensation for a few months so I worry about it, even more than the nerve pain. However, it could just be a different kind of nerve pain. I don't know.

My wife and I were able to get together last night after a 3 week lay off. Not the ideal situation, I know, but our intimacy times have never been what you'd call very regular. Kind of comes in waves with regular breaks. But I do feel a little bit better, because that full feeling tends to go away after I have an E.J.

But this burning sensation is still around. It doesn't seem dependent on intimacy or exercise or activity or anything. I can't say it really hurts a lot. I'd put it at a 1 or 2 on a pain scale of 1 - 10 with 10 being the worst imaginable pain possible. I am hopeful it's just a nerve-like pain rather than a sign that something is wrong.

I guess that's it for now.

Arrived at our New Home in Washington

We arrived a couple days ago and have been spending our time doing the usual stuff - unpacking boxes, getting our services set up (including internet), making sure our mail makes it up here. The drive went pretty well. Just a little pain the first day or so, but the rest of the time went pretty well. Overall, not bad for a 7 day drive.

Yesterday, I set up our total gym. I used it a lot when my back went out, but it's been in mothballs for several years. But I was feeling so good, I thought I'd give it a try. This was also on a day when I had moved furniture and heavy boxes. All that to say...I needed some ibuprofen last night. My right side felt like I had been racked or punched in the inguinal area.

My pain has moved to a different level of frustration. What I mean is, it has gone from very sharp (like being stabbed with a knife) several times a day to little weird sensations that start off as just that, sensations. But then they escalate into a pain-like feeling. For example, this morning I was laying on the sofa, when I started getting that prickly pain in my right testicle. For the first time, the prickly pain morphed into a cutting-like pain where my epididymous is, on the back of my testicle. This pain didn't just go away, it hung around for a while. It went away, but now it's back.

So, I am encouraged by the lack of knifing pain, but I'm also frustrated because I want to see more improvement, not just a shifting of the type or intensity of pain. However, I know there are many who suffer from post vasectomy pain who would be extremely jealous of where I am right now. So I don't want to come off as a whiner or complainer. Rather, I just want to express what I'm going through. This is a personal journal first and foremost that I hope to look back on some day to see if I'm getting better or worse.

Measuring on a monthly basis, I would say this last month has been my best by far. Not sure what that means necessarily, but I feel like I've mentally overcome some hurdles and physically, developed some degree of tolerance. All this seems very directed from above. The good Lord has surely worked in my life these last several months. Not to say he doesn't always work in my life, but rather, I'm just so much more aware of his working and presence. It's very hard to explain.

But to God belongs the glory for all he does. My prayer is that I'll continue to feel better and become more active. It is so much more cooler up here than hot old Dallas. As a family, we really want to take advantage of the weather and climate available to us here in the NW. Lord willing, things will continue to improve.

Looking for Normal After Vasectomy Reversal

Let's see now, I had my reversal back on Dec. 23rd of 2010. I am now 7 months post-op and I still don't quite know what my life will be like moving forward. There are still lots of sensations in my scrotum. Everything from burning to prickly pains. In a way, it feels like my reconnected Vas deference is still getting pulled and tugged, but holding on by a thread. That is a disconcerting feeling for sure. Especially after someone in the support group had a failed reversal 12 months after the surgery.

I wonder if mine will stay intact and permanent? Perhaps it will fail also. Will I get the painful, enlarged epididymitis again? Or, will the reversal work for me and my vas will stay patent forever? I surely hope the latter is what happens. Nevertheless, despite the unusual sensations in my scrotum and painful nerve feelings in my inguinal regions, I am trying to get back to normal.

As I said last time, battling this syndrome on a day to day basis can be exhausting. So I think I'll try to win the war instead. You know, take a more long term view of this thing rather than a day to day view. Too many ups and downs when you examine it under a microscope. I guess I'm finally getting to the point that a lot of chronic pain sufferers get to, you learn to just live with what you got. I'm still hopeful that it'll get better as time proceeds but I've got to start living life again. Time to be a full time husband and dad again. It won't be easy, and I'll probably fail my family from time to time. But I need to get back on the proverbial horse and start riding again.

With that in mind, I'll have to say that July has been my best month by far since my reversal. More scrotum sensations, but less nerve pain, despite my trip across country in the moving truck. But hey, as my buddy from church reminded me yesterday, I made the trip and I'm still here. I survived. He said I can hang my hat on that little fact and build from it. I guess he's right. So I'd like to give a shout out to Johnny V. who has helped me tremendously. He's taught me how to cope and how to look at the problem in a different manner. God Bless Johnny V.!!!!

Until the next installment...