Hernia Type Pain Returned

I've been working now for almost two full months. There has been a lot of strain to my groin as a result, when compared to the zero activity relatively associated with being a stay at home dad. I'm not sure if it's the work activity or something else (who really knows when it comes to PVPS), but I've had a return of the hernia like pain in my left testicle. It starts out as racking pain, then turns into that uncomfortable hernia like pain. I had this checked out last year, which I think I blogged about, but the examination came back negative. The guy said that I'd need a CT scan or something of that nature to determine if there was a weakening of the inguinal canal on the left side.

But then the severe hernia type of pain just kind of stopped. If there was any pain on the left side, it was usually that racking pain, until about 1 week ago. It is so frustrating how things can be ticking along just fine and then "whammo", out of the blue, some weird pain starts down there.

Every once in a while, I actually think my body is completely healed from my PVPS, then I get a burning sensation, twinge or pain in my scrotum/inguinal area. It is very deflating to say the least as reality hits you upside the head.

In fact, I was in the kitchen the other day. I was putting the dinner plates on the table. I set 1 down, then another. I was about to set the third down when a sharp pain made it's presence known in my inguinal region. I turned to my wife, who was also in the kitchen, and expressed my frustration and wonder about it all. In this case, I wasn't lifting anything heavy, stooping, bending, etc. - I was just putting the plates on the table.

As a result of the hernia-scrotal pain on my left side, I've returned to wearing the old faithful athletic supporter. I wear it most days at work (just in case). It seems to help with this pain, as did the ibuprofen I took. But I can still feel that sensation down on my left side. Like it's about to trigger a full blown outbreak with a pain reading of about 7-8 on a pain scale of 1-10. So I'm careful and try not to do too much until this passes.

Who knows, it could just be part of my pain cycle which brings significant increases in pain related symptoms every couple of months. I guess we'll see.

Depression and Testicular Pain

I think anyone suffering from chronic pain struggle with depression. Especially when everyone else seems to be doing so well. The "why me" syndrome begins to play itself out. But you can't let it get you down. You can't let your circumstances dictate your mood. Granted, this is easier said than done. I've been there.

I have had my personal bouts with depression, and frustration has so completely overwhelmed my abilities to cope at times that I really wondered what type of future I'd have. But then I remember "to count all things as joy". This is a difficult concept, joy. It doesn't mean you're happy. It doesn't mean life is going great. Rather, it means you have to remember to put it all in perspective.

Pain cannot be at the top of the pyramid of important things in your life. For me, my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, holds that place. He then helps me put things in an order that makes sense and helps me to keep my sanity. So I can still have joy, despite having a bad pain day.

Now I'm sure this will get put to the test in many other ways in my life, kind of like Job in the Bible. He had many reasons to take God off the top spot and replace it with pain. But the Lord reminded him of his place in the universe.

Today, I heard that we must be humble (Latin: humus) . To illustrate the point, the speaker ate some humus or 'dirt'. He said, you can't get much lower than dirt. I think having this perspective of our place in God's universe, actually helps us handle adversity. Those people who buy into the commercialism of "deserving the best" likely struggle the most with this idea. But as we all know, the universe does not revolve around us. There are lots of people in pain in the world, why should my response to the pain be anything other than humility.

So when I'm feeling bad, which happens a lot with PVPS, I just remember my place in God's universe. I am one of his children and so grateful for anything he gives me. If I have pain, than I have pain. But my joy is created from a sense of thankfulness and stays with me whether I have racking pains or knifing nerve pains or whatever.

Last night was a good night. Still wearing the athletic supporter (going on over a week now). Still exercising and trying to eat better. Something that may or may not be significant, if I eat a lot of sugar (chocolate, candy, ice cream, etc.) I notice an uptick in my pain. Not sure why, but there it is. I'm also eating walnuts every day. They are loaded with Omega 3's which are supposed to promote healthy nerves. We'll see how this experiment goes. I'll post about it in a few weeks I'm sure.

Again, have a good Thanksgiving holiday and remember why we have this holiday in the first place.

Battling Through the Pain

It's been a couple of days since I noticed this hernia-like pain on my left side. Wearing the athletic supporter and taking the ibuprofen seemed to help. Yesterday, I went to bed feeling ship-shape. However this morning, I noticed the return of that sensation on my left side again. I just pray and hope this sensation will go away on in the next few days.

In the meantime, I guess it's a return to the athletic supporter. There have been times when I've worn the athletic supporter for weeks at a time. So this won't be anything new for me. I just wish I were past this stage of needing to resort to this coping mechanism. Perhaps, I'll never get past this stage.

While sitting here this morning, I've also noticed the familiar twinge in my left inguinal area. It feels like something is folding on itself inside my inguinal area. I've often wondered if this pain and sensations I have, aren't some how related to the mesh inside me from my inguinal hernia surgery way back when I was in my early twenties. I'm not sure about the lifespan of a hernia repair.

My title is battling through the pain. It really does feel like a battle sometimes - a real war. Some days I lose and other days I win. The back and forth is very frustrating. People who suffer from chronic pain, probably struggle with this most of all.

It should just make me glad for the good days. I really am thankful for the good days. It just gets a little frustrating having to get off that high plateau and tumble back into the war zone.

On an unrelated matter, I've been having sharp chest pains too. I'm not sure, but it feels like ribcage pain. Sometimes, it worsens when I breathe in deep or push around on my ribs and sternum. Weird. Anyway, just thought I would throw that one in. I hope it's not real chest (cardiac) pain. Challenging nevertheless, especially when I'm hurting down under.

A Little Better - A Prayer

I have to say that I'm a little better than yesterday. Marginal might be a good description. I still feel like my left side is getting pushed down on from up above inside my abdomen (the hernia-like pain I described in yesterday's post). The athletic supporter may have helped or perhaps the lack of sitting down on hard surfaces. Maybe the one dose of ibuprofen helped; hard to know for sure what may have helped.

But this remains a disconcerting feeling. Hopefully, it too shall pass. More of the same today - athletic support, ibuprofen, walking and prayer. Not necessarily in that order.

Dear Lord, you know what I'm going through and what other people are going through. Please meet us in our needs. It seems silly to ask for relief from pain related to a vasectomy, but I ask nonetheless. You tell us to make all our requests known to you, so that is what I'm doing. Asking you to bring me off the roller coaster of emotion and fear. Lead me to the calm waters. Grant me peace and comfort. Please get me through this uneasy pain and anxiety. 

I also pray for anyone else having pain. I pray you'd be glorified in their pain and circumstances. I pray you'd bring them healing and that your will would be done in the healing you bring. You don't need us for anything, yet we are always dependent upon you for everything. Guide us through the pain and help us to see your glory. May we be filled with your joy and spirit, may we praise your name today and tomorrow. May we trust in you, the giver of life itself. Your providence I trust and your name I honor. Amen

Back to the Athletic Supporter

It seems like a long time since I've felt like I needed to wear my athletic supporter. I usually wear it when I don't know what else to do. That's where I find myself this morning. I have noticed something a little bit more significant on my left side, beginning yesterday. It is kind of a mix of racking pain, hernia "full" feeling in my left testicle and nerve pain in my inguinal area.

It sounds like the trifecta of PVPS. After breakfast this morning, I took some ibuprofen, as that helps with the racking pain. Then I took a shower. I palpated my boys during the shower and felt this tendon-like structure running vertical across the top of my left testicle. When I touched it, it hurt.

I remember taking a bath last year and noticing this same type of "thing" running across my testicle. Back then, it felt like I was having a hernia inside my testicle; as if my innards were falling into my scrotum on the left side.

That pain eventually passed, but it took about 3 days of ibuprofen, rest and athletic support. I pray this won't be with me for 3 days this time, if it is indeed the same thing - which I'm not sure it is.

As an FYI, I also have noticed right inguinal pain that radiates down my right thigh. But this has been intermittent at best and not long lasting.

Today, I will try to stay off my butt and keep wearing the athletic supporter. I will also keep the ibuprofen handy, just in case.

Treating the Prostate - Holistic Approach

Having PVPS wreaks havoc with your sex life. There I said it. Part of it is because your wife is afraid to touch you because you're in so much pain. She wonders if she'll make things worse. I can appreciate that fact. I also know that taking things into my own hands is probably not an option. I just don't roll that way... well, not anymore anyway.

So there I am with a prostate that is probably the size of a grapefruit, because of lack of use. It's been a long time since my wife and I have been together, probably two months. I was reading how some men on the forum are taking a prostate formula with saw palmetto to help with the prostate size issue or more specifically, the prostatitis that seems quite rampant in the PVPS group.

I broke down yesterday and bought some Saw Palmetto with Pygeum (some kind of tree bark). This supplement is supposed to help with the prostatitis. Not sure if there is anything to it, but why not make the investment? I took my first prostate pill last night and again today. They say it takes a while before you notice any change.

As it stands now, I have tons of dribbling after I pee. I don't get up out of bed anymore, which is good, but this dribbling has been getting worse since my reversal.

I also have had a lot of nerve pain in the tip of my penis. Yep, it's not very comfortable. This is a very annoying side effect of PVPS. I believe the pain is present because of my prostate. I took some tylenol yesterday, which seemed to help that pain.

I haven't been back to the treadmill since the last fiasco with the racking pain. But I feel this need to get up and walk. Our hiking excursion over the weekend went well, so maybe that's an indication that I should get back on that horse.

I continue to wear an athletic supporter everyday and night. I'm kind of scared not to wear one.

I also continue to thank God for all he does for me. I feel a lot more peace about life these days, and it has a lot to do with my faith in him and Jesus. After 40 years of claiming to be a christian, I think I'm just now getting what it means to be a follow of Christ. I think there's a difference between the two. But this is a walk I'm still on. Have a long way to go to be sure.

I guess that's about it for now. Here's praying your pain resolves. God bless you.

Something Popping Into My Scrotum

With my recent streak of pain, I've had to look frantically for more coping mechanisms. This is what I've done in the last couple of days to help with the pain.

1. I no longer sleep on my right side.
2. I no longer sit with my left leg in the "Indian-style" of sitting. Any stretching of the left groin makes something kind of pop out into my scrotum and the pain is tremendous.
3. I have begun walking around the neighborhood. The treadmil seems like too much at this point.
4. I don' stand for very long. Standing makes something pop out into my left scrotum also. Not sure what this is, but again, it hurts like crazy.
5. Stay on computer for only 10 minutes at a time. Even if I'm not feeling any pain. Just kind of get on and then get off.
6. Wear athletic supporter 24/7, yes - even to bed

That's what I've got so far in the last two days. Again, I'm not sure what is going on down there and why this thing keeps popping into my scrotum. But when the testicles get pushed forward, it hurts. When the boys get squished, that same thing hurts. This is a new development for sure.

Well, can't stay on the computer any longer. Got to start moving. Back with more later.

About As Expected

The hiking yesterday went as expected. I wore a jock just in case and took the tylenol just to be safe. By around 1 or 2, the tylenol had worn off and the nerve pain was back. I took off the jock and changed into some gym shorts from my jeans. I felt a little better afterwards, but not much. My wife had to drive us home.

Last night, I woke up around 2 a.m. having significant nerve pain on my left inguinal side. Today, my right side just kind of aches and my left side seems ok. I'm not sure what to do. Maybe a hot bath, maybe my wife and I need to be together more frequently (or should I take things into my "own hands" sort of speak?).

I'm kind of at a lost. Perhaps there is nothing I can do. Maybe it's just a cycle that I need to go through. The storm before the calm. Kind of backwards, I know, but that's all I got.

Athletic Supporter to the Rescue

I think God created athletic supporters. Ever since I've been wearing one, the horrible pain I had a couple of Sundays ago has not returned. I never thought I'd be saying the a jock strap is a God-send, but here I am saying it.

I guess the support keeps the 'boys' from hanging too much from gravity. Maybe gravity pulls on the repaired vas deference which creates pain upstream. Well, regardless of how it works, it does seem to be doing the trick. That or else it's just a coincidence, but I think not.

I still get sensations on the right side, but no real pain associated with them. I'm going to try to start getting back on the treadmill now and see what happens. Don't worry, I'm not going to overdue it. I've lost a lot of aerobic threshold so need to build myself back up. My wife and I haven't been together since that pain. I'm kind of fearful to make love to her, but I guess I need to get back in the saddle, sort-to-speak.

I need to get a lot of continuing education done in the next day or two, which will require a lot of sitting, so I'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll try to lay down instead of sit. Maybe I'll walk in place.

Anyway, not a lot to report today, thank you Jesus. I pray it will continue to be relatively pain free.

Working Harder and Feeling Better

If anyone thinks that messing with your scrotum with a surgery is a safe and understood practice, I've got a personal experience that will throw you a monkey wrench. I had my vasectomy and then I started having problems. Every six months, I'd have epididymitis. Then in became everyday and I started having epididymitis on the other side.

So I have a vasectomy reversal and took it easy for a few months while I recovered. Then I start having horrible nerve pain in my inguinal area about 1 month after my reversal. I also had a lengthy period of substantial swelling. I took a medicine called rapaflo and it helped the nerve pain. Why? Nobody knows. I stopped taking the medicine and the pain returned. In fact, it returned with a vengence.

The pain was so bad, I was literally, sprawled out on the kitchen table crying and screaming because the pain was so horrible. I took some major pain medication and started wearing an athletic supporter. Why, I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea.

Now, we're trying to sell our house so we can move. I've had to do a lot of hard work, i.e.: lifting boxes, laying down sod, painting, moving furniture, etc. You'd think the pain would get worse, but it has actually improved.

I can't explain it. But here's what I've learned so far. Recovering from a vasectomy or reversal or any other type of surgery down there can be a frustrating to deal with. In fact, frustrating isn't even the right word. Helpless is probably a better description.

I know I haven't blogged in a couple of days, since my computer is in storage. I'm currently at the library typing this. Basically though, I feel better. I'm working harder around the house. I still have the occassional weird sensation down there, but nothing that hurts for very long or has any teeth. I thank God for where I am today. I just pray it will continue to improve.

I can't explain it. Not sure the smartest doctors can explain it. Bottom line - don't mess with your stuff down there. It's just not worth it.

Recovering Slowly

Since my horrible pain of a couple days ago, I seem to be recovering. I still have pain on my right side and driving has been a challenge. Using my right leg to break and accelerate irritates my right groin and makes the nerve pain worse.

I'm still wearing an athletic supporter in hopes of helping the recovery. To say I'm disappointed these days would be an understatement. But I'm hopeful the worst is behind me. I don't like the idea of having that same pain again.

To sum up this short post: I'm still having inguinal nerve pain on my right side. It gets worse when I drive and when I take off the athletic supporter. My scrotum looks "normal", no swelling that I can see. The pain level has been 1 or 2. The uncomfortable level would be 3 or 4.

I'm going to try to remember to put both these scales on every post from now on.

Fear and Faith

The last 24 hours have been an emotional roller-coaster. I woke up yesterday feeling pretty good. That is until I stood up, looked downward or bent over. The pain wasn't as bad on my right side as the horrible experience, but I could tell that I'd been through something unpleasant. I got dressed and put on an athletic supporter at my wife's suggestion. I then drove 45 minutes to pick up my kids from their aunt's house.

The drive was okay. While I was at my sister's house, my right side would intermittently hurt in flashes of pain. Again, nothing like the terrible pain I had the night before. I stayed there about 3 hours before driving home. No problems on the drive home.

When I got home, I started feeling pretty good. I didn't dare do anything though, for fear of hurting myself. I eventually started dinner and we all had a decent evening together. But I needed to go to Lowes to look at their carpet. I removed the athletic supporter and drove to Lowes. By the time I came home, I was in pain on the right side, probably a level 3. I put the supporter back on again, took another hydrocodone and the pain subsided. I went to bed without the supporter and this morning has been like yesterday morning. As long as I have the supporter on, the pain isn't as bad (level 1).

I can walk and sit without too much discomfort. I'm really getting tired of this PVPS. I don't know how people with chronic pain survive over the long haul. I know God will get me through this, but I'm tired of always being the person who has something bad happen. In my early 30's I developed lower back problems. In my late 30's I developed heart failure and had my vasectomy/epididymitis problems. In my early 40's I'm now having nerve pain issues from my reversal. During all the time, my mother was dying from Alzheimers and my dad died from a heart attack, while caring for my mom.

I think I'm ready for a season of good stuff. Will it ever happen? Am I destined to be in pain my whole life? I hope not. I think God can still use me, despite all the bad stuff that has happened to me. You'd think I would be angry at Him for all the bad stuff I've had to deal with, but I'm not. I get angry at myself sometimes and it spills over into my prayer time with God. But it's more like me complaining about my decisions and why I can't get out of my own way, not because of anything He's done. If I had a "redo button" I'd make lots of different decisions. Number one on that list would have been never having the vasectomy.

I can't even imagine how different a person I would be right now if I had just said "NO" to the idea of a vasectomy. But sadly, I can't cry over that spilt milk. I just have to keep plowing forward, despite the regret I feel. If it means I have to wear a jock strap the rest of my life, then so be it. If it means I have to take a pill to handle the pain, then so be it. I can't change how the dice come up. It is what it is. I just have to trust God to get me through it. It would be easier to blame him and I know that's what many who read this blog might think. But I can't do that. He's too good. He doesn't want this bad stuff to happen to me. But we live in a fallen world where bad stuff happens to good people. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but that doesn't change the fact.

I feel like I was supposed to have this reversal. Even though I'm now having nerve pain, I still feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I don't necessarily like it, but it is what it is. Something good will come of it. I just need to stay focused on the Lord and He'll get me through this season. Like I said before, my faith in Jesus is all I have left. If I didn't have that, I'd probably look for an easy way out or I'd turn to addiction or who knows what.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to be pain free. I would love to be a healthy 43 year old husband and dad. But since I'm not, I just have to make the best of it. Everyone suffers, why should I be any different.