Independence Day

Today is July 4th, Independence Day for our nation. We're making plans for a BBQ over at some friends and maybe we'll light up a sparkler or two with the kids. Hopefully it will be a fun day full of distractions and good times. But in the back of my mind I'll wonder if the pain will strike. Will I be able to sit down with our friends for hours and just shoot the breeze over iced tea, corn on the cob and strawberry shortcake.

I know I have gained a measure of independence from the roller coaster nature of PVPS, as I take the new normal approach...which I discussed last time. But having true independence from the signs and symptoms of my vasectomy side effects is something that is more like a pipe dream than an attainable reality.

So the question that begs to be answered is, "Am I okay with that?"

I'd say my response is an affirmative as I really have no other choice. I have to be okay with that, since I simply have no other reality. But the Lord continues to help me in so many ways, with pain, with attitude, with distractions, with friends and family supporting me. His presence is truly overwhelming at times. And for that I am grateful.

I spoke of how my cardiac medicine changed away from an alpha/beta blocker to just a beta blocker. I wondered if it would have an impact on my pain or symptoms. The court is still out on this one. Surprisingly, my urine flow has changed quite a bit. I feel much more like an 'old man' in that realm, but the pain has actually become less chronic in nature. In other words, I don't have the chronic and continuous aches down there. Rather, I will just have a sudden twinge or sensation that comes out of nowhere then disappears as quickly as it came.

I don't know whether to attribute this to the change in medication or perhaps I'm just in a good way with my pain cycle. Regardless of the 'why', I am enjoying the break. In the past, when the pain cycle would flip over to the positive, I learned not to ask why, but just relish the new found relief.

On this July fourth, I am going to try to enjoy myself, my friends and my family. Hopefully, without the intrusion of any post vasectomy pain.

All my best to you and your families on this holiday. May the Lord keep you and help you.

Working After Vasectomy Reversal

It has taken over two years since my reversal, but I am now employed! That may not seem like a big deal to most readers of this blog, as it wasn't the reversal which kept me from working, rather our personal choices with regards to our family. However, as a result of those choices, I have been unemployed for these last two years.

I'm not sure I could have been working with these PVPS pains that I had been experiencing since my reversal. Oh, I probably could have gotten by, with pain killers and the like. But I'm guessing it would have made a miserable time even more miserable.  My heart goes out to those men who have jobs and various responsibilities that become compromised as a result of PVPS. I've heard many horror stories of men losing jobs because of their PVPS. I'm not sure why I was able to plod through this situation without that added burden. I'll say this, I've never been very thick-skinned. What I mean by that is, I've never been able to handle adversity with much grace. If things got a little overwhelming, and I mean just a 'little', I had a history of cratering. It really has never taken much to throw me off my game, to borrow a sports cliche'. I have always hated that about myself. But as a kid, I never had any adversity - so I guess I never learned the skills necessary to handle it when it came.

I know I get a little preachy, okay, a lot preachy, here sometimes but this is just another example of how the Lord works in my life. I last posted about cycles of pain. How I go through longer periods of relatively little pain followed by brief, short cycles of bothersome pain. I just finished up one of those longer periods without much pain. Interestingly, the brief cycle of bothersome pain, was very brief. In fact, it was only about a day long. Getting up and moving/walking is all it took to overcome it this time. I never even took a Tylenol or ibuprofen. So couple this new development with a job which will have me on my feet quite a bit, seems like a real blessing.

And  I think I've grown quite a bit - mentally/spiritually/character - in the last two years. I think the Lord had to deal with me in such a way to show me that I don't have to handle the adversity on my own. I can simply turn it over to him and then trust that he'll take care of me. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. You know, looking to the future, I'm sure I'll have to adjust to a whole new set of pains that will come my way as I suddenly am thrust into the land of the living, but I am confident this job came along at just the right time, because I wasn't prepared for it before.

On a side note, while I was experiencing this past long cycle without much pain, I noticed a change in my wife and my intimacy levels. We were much more frequent in our time together. Kind of the exception for us, but it was great. I really love my wife so much and we, for whatever reason, were able to connect quite a bit. So perhaps the increased activity in the bedroom helped my pain cycle lengthen (in a good way).  

I make this point because this is my journal, albeit public as it is. I write to remember, to explain, to help me figure stuff out and maybe, hopefully, to help someone else.

In any event, it looks like I'll be working after my vasectomy reversal. It only took two years.

Depression and Testicular Pain

I think anyone suffering from chronic pain struggle with depression. Especially when everyone else seems to be doing so well. The "why me" syndrome begins to play itself out. But you can't let it get you down. You can't let your circumstances dictate your mood. Granted, this is easier said than done. I've been there.

I have had my personal bouts with depression, and frustration has so completely overwhelmed my abilities to cope at times that I really wondered what type of future I'd have. But then I remember "to count all things as joy". This is a difficult concept, joy. It doesn't mean you're happy. It doesn't mean life is going great. Rather, it means you have to remember to put it all in perspective.

Pain cannot be at the top of the pyramid of important things in your life. For me, my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, holds that place. He then helps me put things in an order that makes sense and helps me to keep my sanity. So I can still have joy, despite having a bad pain day.

Now I'm sure this will get put to the test in many other ways in my life, kind of like Job in the Bible. He had many reasons to take God off the top spot and replace it with pain. But the Lord reminded him of his place in the universe.

Today, I heard that we must be humble (Latin: humus) . To illustrate the point, the speaker ate some humus or 'dirt'. He said, you can't get much lower than dirt. I think having this perspective of our place in God's universe, actually helps us handle adversity. Those people who buy into the commercialism of "deserving the best" likely struggle the most with this idea. But as we all know, the universe does not revolve around us. There are lots of people in pain in the world, why should my response to the pain be anything other than humility.

So when I'm feeling bad, which happens a lot with PVPS, I just remember my place in God's universe. I am one of his children and so grateful for anything he gives me. If I have pain, than I have pain. But my joy is created from a sense of thankfulness and stays with me whether I have racking pains or knifing nerve pains or whatever.

Last night was a good night. Still wearing the athletic supporter (going on over a week now). Still exercising and trying to eat better. Something that may or may not be significant, if I eat a lot of sugar (chocolate, candy, ice cream, etc.) I notice an uptick in my pain. Not sure why, but there it is. I'm also eating walnuts every day. They are loaded with Omega 3's which are supposed to promote healthy nerves. We'll see how this experiment goes. I'll post about it in a few weeks I'm sure.

Again, have a good Thanksgiving holiday and remember why we have this holiday in the first place.