Summer Ends and Time Marches On

The new school year is once again upon us. I like times like this as they help to organize my year. Holidays, breaks from school, and birthdays are great signposts and reference points from which to measure the passing of time as it relates to life. For instance, I don't remember the exact day my dad past away, but I know it was about a week before Christmas. I don't remember the exact day we moved to Washington state (the second time), but I know it was during the Texas State Fair or roughly three weeks before Halloween.

So it is that I measure progress or pain with my PVPS. It was just as school let out in June when I was having a surprising, albeit brief, pain episode. Now here we are at the beginning of school and I've just realized that was my last bout of pain. That's almost three solid months with no pain, outside of a twinge here and there. Those twinges were brought on by moving boxes into our new home.

I told my wife that it is during times like this when I feel that I've been cured of my PVPS pain. That the reversal surgery did it's job. But since the pain was brought on by the reversal procedure, I'm not sure I can really say that. So why is my pain so much improved? Good question.

I think the Lord has done a lot to bring me relief. Do I believe he healed me from Heaven? Partly. But mostly I believe the Lord has helped me to live with the pain, to accept it and move beyond it. I could be having pain every day and I may just not be noticing it because I'm no longer hyperfocuced on my groin. Does that make sense?

It's like the more you notice something, the more you'll notice it. From an emotional and spiritual standpoint, I'm in a far better place. I no longer play the victim card. Life is too short and nobody likes being around that kind of person anyway. So yes, I believe I've been healed. And yes I believe I've been brought to a point where post vasectomy side effects are no longer my primary or even secondary concern.

It's kind of funny, but I just realized that I've been employed now since January of this year, right after New Years. In my job, I have to lift patients, squat and bend over, take the stairs frequently, and basically be an active individual. I used to be scared of how my body would react to the sudden workload. I didn't know how long I'd be able to work. Well, here I am (9 months later) and all seems to be going well. I can do my job without fear of the PVPS consequences.

That's it for my update, but for those courageous few who want to read on about how God has helped me, please read on.  

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I've said this on the blog before, but I feel extremely blessed by God. He has done so much in my life these last couple of years, I can't even begin to tell you. But take it from me, God is good. He answers prayers and listens with a father's heart. Give your fears and anxiety and pain to him and he'll make it better. Maybe not in the way you hope, but in a way that will glorify himself and blow you away.

One of the biggest things I've learned this last year is that God doesn't need me, but I sure need him...for absolutely everything in my life. Whether it be my job, health, relationships, finances, outlook, attitude, etc, I need him. Oh, I can get by on my own, but I'll just screw it up as always.

Funny, but God has always worked in my life and he is always working in yours, although you may not be able to see it. I certainly couldn't always see it and I'm a 'Christian'. But looking back in the reflection of my life, I see where my Lord Jesus was there for me. And it wasn't until I faithfully and honestly started praying for help (trusting Him), that I began to see his hand upon my life in real time.

I know this won't make sense to you if you don't believe that God sent Jesus. Perhaps if you are willing, you could read the Book of John in the bible (The 4th book in the New Testament). The first 5-6 chapters kind of talk about what I'm trying to say here.

Well, I guess that's about it. I just felt like I needed to say something in these last couple of paragraphs. Who knows, maybe God is trying to get your attention which is why you're here reading this now. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope this helps.

God bless.    

Independence Day

Today is July 4th, Independence Day for our nation. We're making plans for a BBQ over at some friends and maybe we'll light up a sparkler or two with the kids. Hopefully it will be a fun day full of distractions and good times. But in the back of my mind I'll wonder if the pain will strike. Will I be able to sit down with our friends for hours and just shoot the breeze over iced tea, corn on the cob and strawberry shortcake.

I know I have gained a measure of independence from the roller coaster nature of PVPS, as I take the new normal approach...which I discussed last time. But having true independence from the signs and symptoms of my vasectomy side effects is something that is more like a pipe dream than an attainable reality.

So the question that begs to be answered is, "Am I okay with that?"

I'd say my response is an affirmative as I really have no other choice. I have to be okay with that, since I simply have no other reality. But the Lord continues to help me in so many ways, with pain, with attitude, with distractions, with friends and family supporting me. His presence is truly overwhelming at times. And for that I am grateful.

I spoke of how my cardiac medicine changed away from an alpha/beta blocker to just a beta blocker. I wondered if it would have an impact on my pain or symptoms. The court is still out on this one. Surprisingly, my urine flow has changed quite a bit. I feel much more like an 'old man' in that realm, but the pain has actually become less chronic in nature. In other words, I don't have the chronic and continuous aches down there. Rather, I will just have a sudden twinge or sensation that comes out of nowhere then disappears as quickly as it came.

I don't know whether to attribute this to the change in medication or perhaps I'm just in a good way with my pain cycle. Regardless of the 'why', I am enjoying the break. In the past, when the pain cycle would flip over to the positive, I learned not to ask why, but just relish the new found relief.

On this July fourth, I am going to try to enjoy myself, my friends and my family. Hopefully, without the intrusion of any post vasectomy pain.

All my best to you and your families on this holiday. May the Lord keep you and help you.

Prediction Comes True

Well, I posted a while ago about how I was in the middle of a good cycle, with regards to my pain. At the time, it had been two months with less than bothersome pain to report. But I said my good cycles last about 2 months and that I should be expecting some real pain pretty soon.

Sadly, it happened. The racking pain on my left side started in this morning. Just a twinge here and there, but I knew what was coming. Now, I have consistent racking pain on the left side. I wouldn't say it is anything major though, but very bothersome and uncomfortable.

Part of the problem of dealing with chronic pain is when you don't have it, you actually hope for a normal life and you get excited at the possibility of having a normal life, pain-free. But then when the pain cycle comes around and kicks in, you get pretty disheartened and frustrated. You think, "Just when I was starting to think this whole mess was behind me, here it is again."

I did walk on the treadmill today with my athletic supporter on, so maybe that will help. I'll try to keep active the next couple of days, but will likely take some ibuprofen later today if it doesn't improve on its own.

23 Month Post Reversal Update

It's almost been 2 full years since my reversal for post vasectomy pain syndrome. My progress and pain has been documented extensively on this blog since I first began writing over one year ago. But today I want to touch on something that I had forgotten about, the idea that pain (for me anyway) seems to run in a cycle.

For instance, a few weeks ago, I was having a lot of pain of different variations and locations. It lasted for about 10 days, with the peak causing me to take regular ibuprofen and tylenol. However, today I noticed that my pain has been relatively mild in the last couple of days. This caused me to remember how my body seems to cycle through pain. Lately, the cycle looks something like this: pain for about a week or so, followed by a month or two of little to no pain. This then repeats.

I'm not sure if there is some kind of circadian rhythm or body clock at work here, but the reliability of this cycle seems pretty strong. So am I doomed to repeat this cycle for the rest of my life? Will the cycle continue to lengthen out to maybe 6-7 months of no pain followed by 2-3 weeks of pain? I'm just not sure. I certainly wouldn't want to speculate. Instead, I'll just pray for good times and hope for the best.

This is Crazy

Well, the last thing I expected to happen (and one of my worst fears), has happened. I went from having congestion pain, to nerve pain, to this new thing that has happened. I hate to even discuss it because it just hurts and is embarrassing.

So this new pain is a sharp pain in the tip of my "johnson". It comes in waves. It hurts in a pulsating way for about an hour until I go to the bathroom. Then it goes away for about an hour and the whole cycle starts over again. Very weird. It's also weird because this pain has started 11 months after my vasectomy reversal. Now why is that? I just don't know.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that you just shouldn't ever mess with your "junk". Too many strange things can happen. Too much sensitive plumbing. Just isn't worth it.

So if you've thought about having a vasectomy, just don't. Too much at risk.

Maybe I'm in a Bad Cycle

Well, I've been thinking the cold was responsible for my left sided racking pain. But today was a fairly warm day and my left side has felt racked almost all day. So, maybe this is just a bad cycle I'm in. Or maybe I've pushed it to much on the computer and have sat for too long. Or it could be because I carried two heavy boxes up the stairs yesterday.

But whatever it is, I'm hurting fairly good today and I'm none too happy about it. Add to this, my mentor back in Dallas is having some kind of knee pain, on top of his chronic back problems. I feel bad for him and hope he's able to get some relief quickly.

I hope to have some relief soon too. I did take some tylenol today, but I've noticed it doesn't help with this left sided racking pain. I believe only ibuprofen helps so I'll probably take some after dinner tonight. In the meantime, I've decided to join a gym so I can get on the treadmill for some exercise. I think, walking will help me also - but it's been too cold to walk outside lately.

My right side doesn't hurt, so that's a good thing. In fact, there have been no symptoms on my right side at all, since my left has been acting up. Interestingly, it seems to work that way. I only have pain on one side at a time, never on both at the same time - thank God.

Well, time to get out of this computer chair, so until next time.

Can Cycles of Pain End

That's the question I'm asking today, do cycles of pain ever come to an end? I say this because I'm kind of in a holding pattern now. My bad cycles don't seem to be as bad as before and they don't last as long. All this is a good thing. I'm not complaining one bit. But it does get me to wondering. Perhaps, the pain just takes on a different presentation. For instance, now I have a little pain before I have to go to the bathroom, both 1 and 2. A lot of the pain I might have is positional in nature (bending over or squatting) or comes after an E.J. - I imagine my epididymous is refilling with a new batch of swimmers every time.

I guess I'm still just thinking out loud. There are so many questions to ask which seem to go unanswered. I guess that's the way with pain related to vasectomies and reversals. Bottom line - don't mess with your boys. Treat them well and they'll treat you well.