Vasectomy Reversal Update - Two Year Anniversary

Merry Christmas to everyone! It has been 2 years since my vasectomy reversal. So I thought I'd provide an update as to where I am these days.

With regards to the inguinal knifing pain. I only get that pain if I have been sitting too long or have been inactive for days at a time. The pain usually registers at a 2-3 on a 1-10 pain scale (10 being intolerable). This pain is mostly bothersome, but rarely so painful that it prohibits me from doing anything. Tylenol seems to address this pain rather well.

What about the congestive or full feeling on my right side. It is hard to distinguish this pain from the knifing pain, since the knifing pain has dulled in the last year. However, the congestive pain seems more centered in my scrotum and radiates out into my inguinal area. Frequency of ejaculations (e.j.) seems to regulate this pain. It seems that if I have at least 2 e.j.'s per week, the pain doesn't ever bother me. I visualize my epididymis emptying regularly, and therefore, not allowing any build up of pressure, which causes the full sensation.  

Interestingly, if my wife and I talk about plans to be intimate during the day only to have those plans fall through, I experience a significant up swell in pain. It doesn't feel like 'blue balls', but it is certainly a similar phenomenon. The knifing inguinal and congestive pain will both be present. It's like the anticipation of excitement does something at the physiologic level, which then creates the pain scenario.

The racking pain on my left side will come and go for the same reasons listed above, sitting and inactivity. Although, jumping (like when playing basketball) and lifting something over 15 pounds will cause this sensation to rear its ugly head. It king of feels like something is pushing into my scrotum, like a hernia maybe? However, I have had this checked and apparently I do not have a hernia. This pain registers the same 2-3 on a pain scale. Tylenol doesn't affect it though, only ibuprofen works.

Random burning sensations. These still come and go at random and are independent of any activity, as far as I can tell. I will get these in all areas of my nether region, from my scrotum, "johnson", inguinal area, etc. These are a little un-nerving, because they feel so weird. They range from sharp pains to burning, to spasm-like sensations to twinges. The pain can be anywhere from a 1-5 and don't really respond to pain medicine with just one exception. The johnson pain does respond to tylenol.

I find that lifestyle really makes a difference. The more active I am, the better. The more my mind is distracted, the better. As long as I remember my coping techniques and try not to behave like a 20-30 year old, I'm okay.

Independent of anything I've listed above, there does seem to be a cycle of pain. When the pain first struck, I remember having a few good days followed by a few bad. Then a week or two of good, followed by the same of bad. This cycle has progressively lengthened itself over the last two years. Most recently, I identified a cycle of good times lasting about 2 months, followed by a single bad week of pain. I am currently nearing the end of a two month good spell, so I should probably plan on something changing here pretty soon.

Lastly, I wanted to talk about what helps me. Sure tylenol and ibuprofen are good for the pain. Not sitting for long periods of time is helpful too. But the thing that helps me the most is my God. I'm sure many non-Christians are rolling their eyes at me right now. I would ask that you just hear me out.

Having this PVPS thing happen to me is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, I can see how God has used this to grow me. My outlook and perspective on life has all been sharpened as a result of this stupid syndrome. I would not be the man I am today, if it weren't for my PVPS (and I mean that in the best of ways). My faith is far stronger, my expectation that God will work in my life and the lives of others is higher, and I see how he is using this syndrome to allow me to help others; it's truly been a blessing.

Now it wasn't always like this. In fact, I had a night where I basically yelled to God (not at God) about all the bad stuff that was happening to me (PVPS). From that moment on, my pain lessened dramatically, my ability to cope magnified about 100 fold, my attitude immediately changed from victim to contentment. I'd love to say that it was all me; that I some how mustard-ed up the internal fortitude and changed everything overnight. But it wasn't me. I know the Lord worked something miraculous in my life that night. I'm not going to say he "healed me from Heaven". No, no, that would be a huge leap of faith that not even I could make. Rather, he just seemed to change me somehow.

I had been playing the victim role for so long, and that had to change or I would never be any good to God. I could no longer completely focus on myself, which is exactly what was happening. I was ignoring my wife and two young children; not to mention my community and church.  I know I'm doing a poor job of explaining how the Lord God worked in my life, but read through my blog and you'll get the idea. Maybe some day I'll be able to clearly state it, but right now, I'm just so overjoyed to be where I am and feeling how I feel. I can't help but to praise my Lord and my God - especially as we celebrate the gift of his only son Jesus, who is the Christ, the one who shall save us from our sins.

So on that note, I'll wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope you find peace and everlasting joy.  

Time Keeps on Slipping, Slipping, Slipping....

Into the future I go. I suppose there is no where else to go. This online journal has been a great way for me to keep track of my symptoms. I was able to identify cycles of pain, look for cause and effect, and track the intensity and nature of the pain. I've been recording this data for over a year now, since my vasectomy reversal.

I've been a member of the yahoo forum for PVPS sufferers for close to a year and a half. Those guys and gals have been through so much, just like me. A lot of their stories are worse than mine. Their pain seems to be much more pronounced and debilitating, although, mine has had its moments. I continue to pray for those who suffer from PVPS. Sadly, there are new members to the forum, monthly. All have the same story, to some degree I mean. They all had a vasectomy and now their world is turned upside down.

We all frantically look for answers, solutions, tips...anything that will take the pain away. I love to read stories about how some men were able to have a procedure which enabled them to become pain free, but unfortunately, those stories are too rare. Most guys just talk about getting back to 80, 85, or even 90% of their former self.

It has been over 18 months since my reversal, so I thought I would provide an update.

Physically - I am not in the greatest of shape, because my activity still isn't normal. I have a fairly sedentary lifestyle. However, it is picking up a bit. We live in an apartment complex that has a swimming pool, exercise area, and tennis court. I've been able to get back on the treadmill, I swim at least once a week and I've played tennis once or twice - with athletic supporter in place.

My pain is confined to nondescript flashes of pain in the inguinal area that rate a 1-2 on a 1-10 pain scale. I also get a racking pain in my left testicle which rates a 4-5. This pain is triggered by E.J.s, lifting anything heavy and doing squats. I think it may be a type of hernia or it could be nerve pain. I'm not really sure. The last type of pain is a nerve pain I get on the tip of my penis. I've had it a couple of times and it is just flat out disturbing. It rates a 4-5 and can last all evening.

Mentally - I'm doing better. The pain has weighed less on me lately. I've kind of just adjusted to it. I no longer freak out when I have a blast of nerve pain. Instead, I just kind of think, "Oh, okay. Just a bit of pain." Now that would probably not be the case if I was still having those sharp knifing pains, but the last couple of months have been better. The chronic ache on my right side isn't even noticeable, most of the time. So that has helped me quite a bit on the mental side.

Spiritually - Let's face it, we're all sinners. That will never change. I still need my Lord and savior Jesus to get me through. But since I've kind of surrendered this to him, it hasn't been as bad. Coincidence? Maybe. But I like to think that God has helped me have a stronger relationship with him because I had to go through this PVPS thing. I truly believe that my faith wouldn't be nearly as strong as it is, if it weren't for PVPS.

So yes, I'm actually praising God for this syndrome. Crazy, I know. But who can argue with God. It's like this, those without faith in God, think those of us with faith are stupid. So if you don't have it, I don't expect you to understand what I'm talking about. But trust me, Jesus is the answer to so many questions.

My prayer is that your pain will go away. I also pray that you'll find Jesus in this and that he'll comfort and strengthen you, as he continually does for me. I'm not sure when I'll blog next, so until that time, may you become more aware of Jesus in your life. More aware of how he wants you to be his. God bless.

Keeping An Eternal Perspective

I did several things last week when I was at my wit's end. I thought I had a hernia and got it checked out. I was miserable and had to take a hydrocodone to alleviate the pain. I also started wearing an athletic supporter everyday. I read my Bible, specifically the Book of Job. I prayed a lot.

What are the results you might ask. Well, let me tell you. My pain dramatically decreased. I wore the athletic supporter for about 10 days. I stopped wearing it yesterday. Strangely, it felt better when I stopped wearing it. It's like the athletic supporter needed to brace me up a bit so my ligaments would stop being stretched or my nerves would stop being yanked around. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what the athletic supporter does. I just know I've worn it twice since my reversal and I've felt better because of it.

Now, I'm not discounting the reading and prayer. Interestingly, after my rather lengthy talk with God a week ago Monday, I was in a much better frame of mind, spirit and body. I think he brought me to a place of understanding. Much like Job though, I'm not necessarily happy about what I understand. Rather, I'm just not experiencing as much mental strife.

If I don't continue to pray and read the Bible, I can see where I'll find myself in the same dark place of desperation. Even yesterday, I found myself getting quite angry over a twinge in my right groin. It was like, "Wow, I've had several good days and now, for no reason, I'm having this twinge. Why can't I catch a break?"

We're always looking to ask "why, why, why". I know that has been my favorite question these last 8 years. I don't really think it's our right to ask "why". I could be wrong, but I think we just need to accept what happens and realize that God will use it for his glory. A verse in Romans says something like, "...all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose."

Well, I love God. I feel called according to HIS purpose - some of the time anyway. The way I look at it these days, this will all work together for good. Some how, this nerve pain will work out to some better and higher purpose, according to Christ. Listen, I know this isn't your typical view on how to see something like chronic pain, but I really feel like this is it. It makes me sad to think about people who don't know Jesus, who don't know God as their father in Heaven. What kind of hope do they have?

If this nerve pain has twisted my spirit inside-out, and I'm a christian, what must it do to people who don't have an eternal perspective...who don't have a hope for something better? It's hard for me to conceptualize. But it doesn't mean God can't still work in their lives. It doesn't mean they have to be without that hope forever. I know that God loves all of us and wants the best for all of us, just like any good father. Unfortunately, our decisions get in his way sometimes, most of the time actually. So we suffer the consequences of our decisions. But, there's hope. We won't be confined to these bodies for eternity.

It's that hope in Christ that keeps me going...honestly. I'm not just trying to be preachy here, I really mean what I say. Without Jesus, I'm not sure what kind of bad place I'd be stuck in. Anger, resentment, depression, and self pity would be constant companions. As it is, they only come over for very brief visits. Thank God.

So today, I'm feeling a little pain in my groin. My left testicle gets that racking feeling periodically. I'm back to walking, with athletic support in place. I try to stay off the computer as much as possible. I guess that's about it. Good luck and God bless.

Where I am Mentally

I had some amount of pain on my right side yesterday. But it was like an overused muscle ache in that same right inguinal area. Luckily, the ache has been confined to the inguinal area, but it had its moments yesterday and I eventually had to sit back in the recliner for a while. That seemed to help. I'm going to try to sit down less today. See if being on my feet more helps. Left side is its normal self. I get this occassional "full" feeling in my left scrotum, but it doesn't last. I did have one 5 second episode of nerve pain, but that was it.

I really feel like I'm ready to go back on the rapaflo, but at a lower dose. I want to see if I have the same pain relief, but without all the other side effects (lightheadedness, palpitations, etc.). I guess it's that or I can take tylenol or ibuprofen every day or so. I haven't quite figured out which is the lesser of two evils.

My five month reversal anniversay is coming up in three days. I'm wondering if my reversal will take. I'm hopeful it will. But I know it may occlude and become obstructed. I try not to think about that too much though. After all I've been through this year, I just don't want to think about the possible negative outcome. I really feel like I've done what I was supposed to do regarding my epididymitis.

Meanwhile, today has started okay. But, I haven't really done much yet. I'm having the kids pack their toys and stuff in boxes now and getting de-cluttered for our potential house sale and move. So I'll see what the rest of the day brings.

Mountains or Valleys

In church today, the pastor spoke about how God not only meets us on the mountaintops, but also in the valleys. What he meant was when things are going great, we're quick to say He helped us get there, but when they go bad, we tend to think we're by ourselves and why would God want to be there with us.

I tend to take a contrarian viewpoint. When things are tough, that's when I see how much more I need Him. However, I tend to wonder aloud why He would want to help me. Little ol' me. I'm not any better than any other man. I certainly have my faults. I do bad things and think bad thoughts, just like everyone else. But there I am, asking for God to be merciful and not turn away from me.

I believe this PVPS has cemented my belief that God meets me in my sorrow. He reveals Himself when I am full of despair, which PVPS will give you in spades. Why do we suffer, why do we have pain? These are questions I ask all the time. But, if I hadn't had the pain, then I wouldn't have this blog. Maybe someone is being helped by this blog. Like I've said before, I don't always like the way God works in my life, however, I am still glad He works in it.

Today is a lot like yesterday, although my groin has been on the verge of a full blown nerve pain breakout. I can kind of tell when I'm about to have the knifing pain. I've been close 3 times this morning, but it hasn't come. It's kind of like feeling the earthquake and then just waiting for the tsunami. You know it's coming, you just don't know when or how hard.

Anyway, I remain hopeful that my body is on the mend. I know it can turn on a dime, as I've read and heard from other members on the forum, recently especially. But I can't let myself give into the despair again. I have to be hopeful for the best. Even if "the best" doesn't hit my expectation, it's what I've decided to do anyway. I don't think that is setting me up for disappointment, although, I have had a lot of that during this process. Rather, the hope helps me keep my sanity and spirits lifted. It helps me focus on the good times when I don't have pain, rather than the bad times when I do.

I know it's not make much sense right now, but internally, it's black and white. Maybe I'll be able to articulate it effectively here some day. In the meantime, my expression these days is "don't look a gift horse in the mouth". If you have a good day, rejoice and be glad in it.