I continue to be in the purgatory of pain. Not quite free of it and not completely debilitated from it; just somewhere in the middle. Again, I should be thankful that it isn't handicapping me from life as it has some other men. I do have a lot to be thankful for and I praise the good Lord above for all he's done for me. I'm just ready to move forward.
It's hard to do that when you are reminded every day that you are suffering from a pain syndrome. However, I can't let that be my focus, which is rather easy for me. I tend to have the personality that looks at a cup half empty. Fear and anxiety, the unknown, and flashes of pain all too easily garnish my attention.
I've learned to draw my strength from my lord, Jesus Christ. I've learned that I must place my complete trust in him; go where he leads. I get frustrated because I feel like I'm too dependent upon him for my daily living. Maybe I'm asking for too much when I pray?
But like any other good father, he wants me to come to him with everything. Even if I've bothered him a million times before about the exact same thing. I listen to my kids when they do this with me, so I know my father in heaven is listening and placing his sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
That, in and of itself, is what enables me to get through each bad day; each anxiety and fear-filled day. So for whatever it's worth, he's there for me - helping me push through the pain, moving the pile further down the path. I know the 'pile' (code name for pain) will always be there, but at least it's not keeping me from moving forward. Thank God.
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