Monday, December 19, 2011

In the Pit of Despair

One of our favorite movies is the "Princess Bride". In it the heroic lead is taken to the pit of despair. There he prepares to be tortured and relies on his own strength to get himself through the imminent pain. In the end, the pain wins and the scene cuts away with him crying. That's how I feel today.

I know my own strength is not sufficient, God seems to be teaching me that everyday. Only in him can I get through this desperate time. To say the least, I'm really bummed! I woke up this morning to a nocturnal admission. I don't like those, but always think that maybe an E.J. will help the pain. This morning, I took my shower and then sat down to start home school with the kids. I was sitting down for all of 15 minutes when I started to experience severe inguinal nerve pain on my left side. I stood up and started teaching - lecture style, pacing back and forth with a sure grimace on my face. I also took some tylenol.

When will this thing stabilize to the point where setbacks either occur months apart or won't be so intense? Someone asked me the other day if I regretted having the reversal. I told them no. But one solid week's worth of pain later, I might have to rethink that answer.

I've even debated having another surgery to "clean out" the scar tissue that I am sure is causing this nerve pain. But will a third surgery in my scrotum make things better, or just cause more scar tissue in the long run? I simply don't have the answer to that question. I'm not sure anyone does.

So I'm just praying and coping and hoping for the best.  

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