Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I Caved and Took My Medicine

Last night, I decided I wanted to be free of the annoying little ache on my right side. So I took some tylenol. The pain didn't go away until this morning. But I did sleep better last night. My wife and I also were together last night, so I'll be curious to see if my left side starts to hurt a little bit tonite or tomorrow.

Since my reversal, I thought my testosterone level might increase a little bit. It was around 417 which is in the normal range, but still low for someone of my age. Since my reversal, it is now 400 - still low. I thought it might increase a little bit, but almost 5 months out, it hasn't. Right around the second month post reversal, I had a surge of energy, my face was breaking out and I was feeling great (aside from the nerve pain, that is).

Now, that surge of energy has passed and I'm kind of back to my old ways. I have energy, just not in abundance. My mood is better, but it could just be because I'm hopeful the reversal worked.

I thought someone said it very well on the forum today. He said, "What I have found the hardest bit outside of the physical pain is not letting the pain affect you mentally. This is not easy but it is necessary as life is just too difficult with both physical and mental pain." That pretty much sums it up right there. PVPS gives you both physical and mental/emotional pain. The fact that it is not straitforward or consistent between people is also insane. It effects every one differently, and yet the results are the same.

The tylenol seems to have kicked in and my pain is gone on my right side. I hate the fact I am so dependent on medication to feel good. But as someone else said on the forum, (and I'm paraphrasing this time) - "if you can take a pill and have the pain go away, then why would you sit there and allow yourself to be in pain all the time?" I think this is sort of humbling because it means you are relying on something outside yourself to feel better, physically. I don't think anyone likes that idea.

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