Sunday, May 15, 2011

Mountains or Valleys

In church today, the pastor spoke about how God not only meets us on the mountaintops, but also in the valleys. What he meant was when things are going great, we're quick to say He helped us get there, but when they go bad, we tend to think we're by ourselves and why would God want to be there with us.

I tend to take a contrarian viewpoint. When things are tough, that's when I see how much more I need Him. However, I tend to wonder aloud why He would want to help me. Little ol' me. I'm not any better than any other man. I certainly have my faults. I do bad things and think bad thoughts, just like everyone else. But there I am, asking for God to be merciful and not turn away from me.

I believe this PVPS has cemented my belief that God meets me in my sorrow. He reveals Himself when I am full of despair, which PVPS will give you in spades. Why do we suffer, why do we have pain? These are questions I ask all the time. But, if I hadn't had the pain, then I wouldn't have this blog. Maybe someone is being helped by this blog. Like I've said before, I don't always like the way God works in my life, however, I am still glad He works in it.

Today is a lot like yesterday, although my groin has been on the verge of a full blown nerve pain breakout. I can kind of tell when I'm about to have the knifing pain. I've been close 3 times this morning, but it hasn't come. It's kind of like feeling the earthquake and then just waiting for the tsunami. You know it's coming, you just don't know when or how hard.

Anyway, I remain hopeful that my body is on the mend. I know it can turn on a dime, as I've read and heard from other members on the forum, recently especially. But I can't let myself give into the despair again. I have to be hopeful for the best. Even if "the best" doesn't hit my expectation, it's what I've decided to do anyway. I don't think that is setting me up for disappointment, although, I have had a lot of that during this process. Rather, the hope helps me keep my sanity and spirits lifted. It helps me focus on the good times when I don't have pain, rather than the bad times when I do.

I know it's not make much sense right now, but internally, it's black and white. Maybe I'll be able to articulate it effectively here some day. In the meantime, my expression these days is "don't look a gift horse in the mouth". If you have a good day, rejoice and be glad in it.

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