Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter Morning

I stretched out again last night. Felt good. I've noticed that I can now sleep on my sides, instead of only my back. Even with a pillow between my knees, sleeping on my side would bring me mass amounts of pain in my scrotum, like something was being pulled out. I believe my recent listlessness and depression has something to do with poor sleeping. It wasn't uncommon for me to awaken several times at night to find a comfortable position, go to the bathroom or take a deep breath after a shot of nerve pain. These last couple of nights have been much more restful.

Today is Easter morning. He is risen; He is risen indeed! Our sermon today was about how Jesus will meet us where he sends us. I feel that Jesus has met me several times, at different moments, along this path of post vasectomy pain syndrome. Now in all honesty, I didn't really want to talk with him, because I was mad at Him, the world and myself for having had the vasectomy almost 6 years ago. However, I believe He is with me, as He always has been. I am finding much more comfort in his presence than I did a few months ago.

I had a knock-down-drag-out with Him about 2 months ago. I expressed a lot of frustration and anger. In the end though, He just kept telling me how much He loved me and how much He would help me through this. I kind of got the impression this was a journey I'd have to go through and that it would change me for the better as a result. I still wish I could be changed without having to go through this, but who am I to second-guess. All my decisions have been pretty stupid and resulted in poor outcomes. So I guess I'll turn the reigns over to Him for a while and see if I have better luck.

Anyway, I'm feeling about the same as yesterday. A little achey on the right (nerve pain) and a little "racky" on the left.  Sitting in church didn't help, even though I had my little cushion with me. Maybe I'll sit toward the back next time, where I can get up and move around a little bit, without having to sit for so long.

Life goes on and it's not going to wait for me. So I'd better get along or I'll be left behind. Lucky, my Savior will meet up with me where ever it is He's sending me.

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