Wednesday, May 14, 2014 Rather, Pain Update

Here it is, almost 9 months since I last posted. Hum, so what's been going on you may ask? Well, it's funny you should ask.

My last post had something to do with me returning to the gym and the pain I was having. I have to admit, between working nights and having two kids in school, and buying a new house, I've been fairly busy and the gym was very hit or miss for about 2 months. Then the holidays came, and that was it. No more workouts for me. But I was feeling really good. No pain at all.

I then decided to do some burst aerobic training where you do 4-5 exercises with great intensity for 45 seconds, then rest one minute and repeat until 3-4 cycles are done and you're absolutely exhausted. The exercises  I chose to do were jumping jacks, burpees (push-ups with a jump mixed in), squats (with no weights), lunges, 10 pound kettle-bell shoulder press. Again, I started out very conservatively since I was in the worst shape of my life and I didn't want to kill myself or aggravate the PVPS. All was going well. I had done them for about 2 weeks with no pain (mainly because there was no straining in these exercises, I was taking it real slow).

Then after Christmas, I was putting a box of decorations back in the garage when it happened. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but let me try to describe it. I was carrying a very light box (~5 pounds) into the garage. I stepped down one step into the garage when something exploded in my right inguinal area. It felt like something ripped away from inside of me. The weirder thing was, it felt like a "square shaped patch" of something ripped away, it had a definite shape to the sensation. So I immediately dropped the box to the floor and stumbled back inside to the kitchen table in desperate pain - it literally took my breath away, just terrible.

A few minutes passed and the pain seemed to subside just a bit. I had that pain for the next 3-4 days before it went away. I stopped exercising again - because of the pain. Then a couple weeks later, I turned the wrong way while bending over to pick something up and then WHAM! the pain came back.

This process has now repeated itself too many times to count. I can't say I know exactly what's going on. I did have an inguinal hernia repair when I was like, 23 years old. Perhaps, the mesh has pulled away, or maybe some scar tissue has come loose. I just don't know, and I'm not sure there's a test to tell what's going on, without actually having surgery to take a look inside. 

I don't really want another surgery down there, for fear it will aggravate the PVPS. For all I know, this could be some weird sensation associated with my PVPS. I just don't know.

My wife made a comment to me back when I was 28 years old, she said, "Why don't you ever get sick, you're the healthiest person I know." Back then she had got her second winter cold, meanwhile, I was free and clear and hadn't had a cold in several years. I laughed and told her, I had just always been a very healthy person.

Since then, I ruptured a disc in my back, had a vasectomy, got diagnosed with cardiomyopathy (weak heart), had chronic epidydimitis, had a reversal, suffered from PVPS, and now can't exercise, work-out, or do any heavy lifting around the house.

I'll admit it now, to the world. "I am no longer healthy." There, I've said it. Now maybe things will turn around for me. It just sucks to be unhealthy. My wife hates it, my kids hate it and I hate it.

So now what do I do? Do I get this pain checked out? Do I suffer in silence? I really just don't know what to do next. There are no doctors up here where I live that I trust and I can't really afford to travel back to Dallas and see a doctor down there.

I know I can rely on God to get me through this, that is not the question I'm asking. Rather, it's the logistics of it all. How will it work out? Am I doomed to be one of those guys that looks healthy on the outside, but I've got a handicap sticker for my car because I can barely move without being in pain all the time? Just continued frustration over how things have turned out these last ten years. This is not how I envisioned life, to say the least.

On my knees I go, praying to the one who can make it all better and work out the details for me.  

It seems like when I try to work things it, they just fall apart. So I'm relying on you God, yet again to help me. I'm sorry I can't do it on my own, and I know, I don't want me to do it on my own, but I just hate to bother you with this kind of stuff. It's very embarrassing and hits me at my core, my pride. Please forgive me for feeling this way. Guide me and lead me I pray. Amen.

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